Indecisiveness...

I used to pride myself on my spontaneity. In highschool I just do things suddenly whenever I wanted to without a second thought. One time I bought bacon just because I saw someone buying when I passed the meat store, and another time bought a large watermelon while we were doing our Visita Eglesia. I did things just for the heck of it. Now I wonder why did I become so indecisive lately. Why has hesitation replaced my impulsive nature?

I realized this as I watch countless jeeps pass by day by day, wondering why did I not get on that one, or the one before it, or the one that came after it. I let them
pass by without even considering of pulling them over, even if I know that its hard to get a jeep to Cubao.

Today was the same day. I boarded perhaps the 6th jeep for Cubao I saw, and I felt lucky to be a little early to be on my way to school. A woman went down in front of Vista Verde, and as the jeep sped away two men noticed that she dropped her coin purse which she dropped on the floor beside me. I was the one who picked it up, and one man said that I should go down and give it to her. I thought about it, watching the woman walk hurriedly off as we sped farther away.

A good person should, any half-decent person would, and an impulsive guy wouldn’t even think about it. But even I was surprised when the words "Eh malayo na ho sya eh" came out of my mouth instead of "Para". The man asked me to look how much was inside, and to my astonishment there was more than a hundred inside, Php143.24 to be exact. He said, “ihabol mo,baka wala syang pamasahe”. We already sped a good distance away, and it was only then that it kicked in my brain that I should indeed give it back. I immediately went down and ran, looking for the woman who dropped the money I was holding. I reached the gate and continued towards the tricycle station.

I saw a woman there, but I thought that she wasn’t the one. I thought for half a second if it was her but before I made up my mind she already boarded a trike and went off. I continued to look, asking the guard and even a vendor if they saw a woman.(Of course they all saw a woman, we were all at the front of a busy village).

And then I gave up. I can’t spend the whole morning looking for a woman I didn’t even see clearly to recognize. I didn’t even know what she was wearing. And now, because of my indecisiveness I earned 143 pesos in guilt-money, what could be perhaps that woman’s marketing budget, fare, money to buy medicine. The money is still with me, because I’m afraid to touch it. Why did I hesitate? I should have chased after the woman instead of resigning and saying that she already is too far away. I could still have caught up with her. She could even be the woman I saw in the station, if only I asked instead of stand there and watch her board the trike. And now I have 143 pesos and twenty five cents of money that isn’t mine, which I don’t know what I will do with, all because of a moment of hesitation.