I have become a Republican
Pullman's His Dark Materials affected me, first and partly because of the sad end which I'll admit got to me bad because I was once in the same position as the characters found themselves in, and reading it brought back the same painful emotions. Not to mention it happened to the characters I've come to love, which was sad. It took me a sleepless night and the whole day after to get over that. Leaving the bitterness of the ending and looking back with the eyes my literature teacher trained us with, I've come to see the genius of the work (the sad ending only made the story better), which believe me I could talk about for hours.
But making me realize how amusingly useful my literature class is not what I meant about the story affecting me. It is that I, an admirer of universes conjured up by the imaginations of authors like Tolkien and Lewis, have found something else in Pullman's novels, something beyond the mere wonderful storytelling of a fairytale (which already is fantastic). It is the idea of the Republic of Heaven.
The idea hit me like a truck: it makes sense, plain and simple. I'm a Catholic, and for a time now also have been a vocal critic of the Church. I've come to the point where I'm fully devout, fully questioning the very foundations of the Church teachings. I've settled on the label "Agnostic", but make it clear I'm an Agnostic Catholic, reconciling both sides of my dual belief regarding religion. This is even what drew me to reading His Dark Materials in the first place, because of it's reputation as being Church-critical.
But now I've not only discovered a magnificent work of imagination, but encountered a 'philosophy' I've come to adopt, because like I said, it makes a whole lot of sense, and suddenly it just arranged my confused personal religious views into a coherent idea.
The idea of the Republic of Heaven is quite simple. It says that the Church focuses too much on the afterlife and that we must build our happiness in the here and now. It's not as blasphemous an idea as it sounds. The best way to sum it up is in through this quote which says "they tell the poor people that they must be content with their poverty, and they shall have their heaven hereafter. But why may we not have our heaven here (that is, a comfortable livelihood in the earth) and heaven hereafter too, as well as you?" Isn't that a valid question? my disoriented view on religion has just found it's foundation, and the structure it can build on at the same time.
Pullman's comments, manipulated to reflect my own, can show you what I mean. He says "The kingdom of heaven promised us certain things: it promised us happiness and a sense of purpose and a sense of having a place in the universe, of having a role and a destiny that were noble and splendid; and so we were connected to things. We were not alienated..." (I'm a Christian)"...I don’t think I will continue to live after I’m dead..." (My agnostic view of the afterlife)"...so if I am to achieve these things I must try to bring them about – and encourage other people to bring them about – on earth, in a republic in which we are all free and equal – and responsible – citizens." The end there just pretty much reconciled it together. Like I said, it's not blasphemous. Let me continue that statement:
"Now, what does this involve? It involves all the best qualities of things. We mustn’t shut anything out. If the Church has told us, for example, that forgiving our enemies is good, and if that seems to be a good thing to do, we must do it..." (Yes i agree religions serve as moral compasses) "...If, on the other hand, those who struggled against the Church have shown us that free inquiry and unfettered scientific exploration is good – and I believe that they have – then we must hold this up as a good as well..." (If the church says it's good, adopt it. if it says it's not, take a step back first before you shun it. Take the case of population control for example. A runaway population is clearly not good for the environment, yet the church refuses to reverse it's pro-life stance.)
It talks about making the world a better place. It talks about using all the good virtues to build Heaven here on Earth. Even I think God will like that. I will live my life, I will live it, here and now, and while I'm doing it, I'm striving to do good for the world - I'm a development studies student after all.
It's name even sounds cool. The Republic of Heaven should be built here, because where we are is always the most important place. And that's why now I'm proud to call myself a Republican Catholic, unfortunate it may be that whenever I say it people will always think of the American political party.
Now, the question is, will my new found philosophy that's clearly incredibly humanistic stand up to the most (in)famous theology teacher in Ateneo?
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Worms of the Heart
Who ever knew there's such things as 'heartworms'? Disgusting wiggling parasites floating in the blood and growing in the heart, of all places. They were barely visible to see in the blood sample, but they were there, taunting me with their microscopic wiggling, daring me to hope that what I see is just normal, but it was unmistakable; there was something else moving in the blood. I could stomach intestinal worms, but there they were, wiggling as if their only purpose was to send a shiver down my spine and give me a heartache as I look at them through a microscope. It's confirmed said the doc - they're there, and it was fatal.
She said it as if she was telling a patient he had terminal cancer. 'He won't live long', she says. All we could was wait.
And all I could do was look. I refused to let it sink in, detaching myself as I have done whenever I heard news of a calamity that affected thousands or when there is a death in the family, a coping mechanism I have perfected so well people will think I don't care at all. But I do. A part of me feels everything but I keep it all at arms-length. Succumbing to emotion now would mean an ironic victory for those nasty worms whose job it is to inflict pain in the heart.
What used to be playful encounters with my dog turned to quiet time where I would just scratch his head and he would snuggle in the same manner a cat does. I thought it was just because he has getting old already and I was too grown up to play with him like a kid. But recently he has been growing thinner, so we called the vet. They came, and with one simple blood test confirmed that he was infected with heartworms.
My first thought was "ewww..." Cmon, worms...in the heart. What was more disturbing was if that random sample of blood already contained 3 worms already immediately visible in the microscop, how many do you think is floating around in the bloodstream? The only thing that didn't make my hair stand up on end was the thought of my dog. He was just sitting there, his head bowed low as if he was understanding what we were talking about, as if he knew he was just waiting to die.
While the vet was talking with my mom, I was comforting my dog, if it was all possible. And like so many other times while I was stroking his head he would nuzzle back like a cat, as if he wants to be embraced.The vet said it was fatal. There is treatment; but it was expensive, and it wasn't sure if he would live anyway, because the damage has already been done. So in effect, we were just waiting for him to die.
My dog has been with us for 7-8 years. He's a lively dalmatian-hybrid who's heavy enough to take me down if he jumped at me and has worked how to jump up a 5 foot concrete wall like a cat to get out of the house. He knows strangers because he barks like mad at them and can somehow tell them apart from friends or family who can approach him without fear. He has given my mom a headache for the past years because he digs parts of the garden to make a nice cool patch for himself to lie on. He keeps digging and digging, because when that moist patch of soil dries he digs once more. We have gave up on filling back the hole, so now he has a favorite spot right outside my bedroom window, as if he was there to guard me at night.
Now he's weak and thin, with an expression in his face as if he is tired. He no longer runs to the door when he hears me open it, and he just lies there at his 1-foot hole of dirt, digging even more. He no longer gobbles up his food hungrily. He now moves in a lethargic pace around the house, and his earsplitting bark has become weak and feeble.
All the vet can do is give him some vitamins to get his strength back up.
And all we could do was wait. I thought if only I had the money I would take the chance of getting him treated. But we're not that blessed. And so after the vet left I carried my dog, who didn't like to move anymore like any sick person. He was so thin that I could scoop him in my arms already and carried him back to his favorite place. These nasty, disgusting worms were killing my friend, slowly. I felt a pang in my heart even though all those nasty worms were in him. And a sad thought and a sad smile came to me as I lay him down in his favorite dirthole. He must have known he was sick, and he just lied there, digging to make himself comfortable, and I thought it looked like he was digging his own grave...
Who ever knew there's such things as 'heartworms'? Disgusting wiggling parasites floating in the blood and growing in the heart, of all places. They were barely visible to see in the blood sample, but they were there, taunting me with their microscopic wiggling, daring me to hope that what I see is just normal, but it was unmistakable; there was something else moving in the blood. I could stomach intestinal worms, but there they were, wiggling as if their only purpose was to send a shiver down my spine and give me a heartache as I look at them through a microscope. It's confirmed said the doc - they're there, and it was fatal.
She said it as if she was telling a patient he had terminal cancer. 'He won't live long', she says. All we could was wait.
And all I could do was look. I refused to let it sink in, detaching myself as I have done whenever I heard news of a calamity that affected thousands or when there is a death in the family, a coping mechanism I have perfected so well people will think I don't care at all. But I do. A part of me feels everything but I keep it all at arms-length. Succumbing to emotion now would mean an ironic victory for those nasty worms whose job it is to inflict pain in the heart.
What used to be playful encounters with my dog turned to quiet time where I would just scratch his head and he would snuggle in the same manner a cat does. I thought it was just because he has getting old already and I was too grown up to play with him like a kid. But recently he has been growing thinner, so we called the vet. They came, and with one simple blood test confirmed that he was infected with heartworms.
My first thought was "ewww..." Cmon, worms...in the heart. What was more disturbing was if that random sample of blood already contained 3 worms already immediately visible in the microscop, how many do you think is floating around in the bloodstream? The only thing that didn't make my hair stand up on end was the thought of my dog. He was just sitting there, his head bowed low as if he was understanding what we were talking about, as if he knew he was just waiting to die.
While the vet was talking with my mom, I was comforting my dog, if it was all possible. And like so many other times while I was stroking his head he would nuzzle back like a cat, as if he wants to be embraced.The vet said it was fatal. There is treatment; but it was expensive, and it wasn't sure if he would live anyway, because the damage has already been done. So in effect, we were just waiting for him to die.
My dog has been with us for 7-8 years. He's a lively dalmatian-hybrid who's heavy enough to take me down if he jumped at me and has worked how to jump up a 5 foot concrete wall like a cat to get out of the house. He knows strangers because he barks like mad at them and can somehow tell them apart from friends or family who can approach him without fear. He has given my mom a headache for the past years because he digs parts of the garden to make a nice cool patch for himself to lie on. He keeps digging and digging, because when that moist patch of soil dries he digs once more. We have gave up on filling back the hole, so now he has a favorite spot right outside my bedroom window, as if he was there to guard me at night.
Now he's weak and thin, with an expression in his face as if he is tired. He no longer runs to the door when he hears me open it, and he just lies there at his 1-foot hole of dirt, digging even more. He no longer gobbles up his food hungrily. He now moves in a lethargic pace around the house, and his earsplitting bark has become weak and feeble.
All the vet can do is give him some vitamins to get his strength back up.
And all we could do was wait. I thought if only I had the money I would take the chance of getting him treated. But we're not that blessed. And so after the vet left I carried my dog, who didn't like to move anymore like any sick person. He was so thin that I could scoop him in my arms already and carried him back to his favorite place. These nasty, disgusting worms were killing my friend, slowly. I felt a pang in my heart even though all those nasty worms were in him. And a sad thought and a sad smile came to me as I lay him down in his favorite dirthole. He must have known he was sick, and he just lied there, digging to make himself comfortable, and I thought it looked like he was digging his own grave...
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Noisy night and a wedding the morning after
So it was about 1 am in the morning when I heard something in our backyard. Sounded like the muffled thud of an indian mango falling, which is common since we have a mango tree in the yard, unless it falls on the roof and makes a racket louder than a gunshot. It sounded normal until I heard the flowing water. That was weird, and I first thought our dog or that falling mango knocked over a basin. Problem with that is that the sound continued longer than it should have if it was a fallen basin.
Then I thought the creek broke through. See, our backyard wall literally keeps back a creek behind our house, and last year that wall broke and let in flood waters that destroyed our neighbors house. Can't be that, since the creek wasn't swollen from the rains. And yet that gurgling flowing sound continued. I tried shining a flashlight into the backyard but can't see anything. Then the thought crossed my mind that someone could be there.
That was unlikely, because my dog wasn't barking. But since they raised the creek wall almost to the level of our own wall, it's become a danger because it makes our backyard technically accessible, hence why we're paying to put some barbed wire to keep people out, but that's not until tomorrow.
So I got up, grabbed my arnis stick, and went out to check. I put on the lights as I went through the house, then carefully opened the door to the backyard, then I looked around.
And there it was. A faucet burst. And it was gushing water. I went back in woke up my dad and went out the front to put off the water main from there.
Surreal experience to walk out at past 1 am holding a stick to shut off the water main.
Well, that was my night. In the morning we were to go out to my cousin's wedding, which is the Cainta municipal hall. It the first civil wedding I've been to, so the experience is worth sharing. Too bad I didn't bring my camera, I seem to always forget that I own one.
In the solar oven they call an auditorium there were a dozen or couples, with 200 or so relatives. Mayor Mon Ilagan was the presider, much to my amusement. He presided the wedding like how Edu Manzano hosts Game ka na ba, or how a parent hosts a children's party - with oddly placed (and corny) jokes in between the ceremony. The couples did their part, doing things the Mayor can joke about like looking around instead of staring down their partners while saying their vows. While that's happening photographers -i.e family members with cellphones and digicams were swarming the couples, even going in between them to get a closeup.
After a short ceremony, everybody was rejoicing - finally beside they can come out of that hotbox they call a building. And so ended my adventure of the week. Yeo, this is as exciting as it gets during summer in my life.
So it was about 1 am in the morning when I heard something in our backyard. Sounded like the muffled thud of an indian mango falling, which is common since we have a mango tree in the yard, unless it falls on the roof and makes a racket louder than a gunshot. It sounded normal until I heard the flowing water. That was weird, and I first thought our dog or that falling mango knocked over a basin. Problem with that is that the sound continued longer than it should have if it was a fallen basin.
Then I thought the creek broke through. See, our backyard wall literally keeps back a creek behind our house, and last year that wall broke and let in flood waters that destroyed our neighbors house. Can't be that, since the creek wasn't swollen from the rains. And yet that gurgling flowing sound continued. I tried shining a flashlight into the backyard but can't see anything. Then the thought crossed my mind that someone could be there.
That was unlikely, because my dog wasn't barking. But since they raised the creek wall almost to the level of our own wall, it's become a danger because it makes our backyard technically accessible, hence why we're paying to put some barbed wire to keep people out, but that's not until tomorrow.
So I got up, grabbed my arnis stick, and went out to check. I put on the lights as I went through the house, then carefully opened the door to the backyard, then I looked around.
And there it was. A faucet burst. And it was gushing water. I went back in woke up my dad and went out the front to put off the water main from there.
Surreal experience to walk out at past 1 am holding a stick to shut off the water main.
Well, that was my night. In the morning we were to go out to my cousin's wedding, which is the Cainta municipal hall. It the first civil wedding I've been to, so the experience is worth sharing. Too bad I didn't bring my camera, I seem to always forget that I own one.
In the solar oven they call an auditorium there were a dozen or couples, with 200 or so relatives. Mayor Mon Ilagan was the presider, much to my amusement. He presided the wedding like how Edu Manzano hosts Game ka na ba, or how a parent hosts a children's party - with oddly placed (and corny) jokes in between the ceremony. The couples did their part, doing things the Mayor can joke about like looking around instead of staring down their partners while saying their vows. While that's happening photographers -i.e family members with cellphones and digicams were swarming the couples, even going in between them to get a closeup.
After a short ceremony, everybody was rejoicing - finally beside they can come out of that hotbox they call a building. And so ended my adventure of the week. Yeo, this is as exciting as it gets during summer in my life.
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