AD 2009
I haven't posted anything recently here, partly because now I'm managing 3 blogs and I just forgot to repost some here, but mostly because I haven't gotten the inclination to update on my personal life, even though so much has happened. I'll mark the start of AD 2009 around the time of ASOG summer practicum. I can't say there was a specific date, but I remember the moment I realized it: at the business lounge at NAIA, when I was staring at a freezer of FREE beer, and I passed it up.
Well you won't understand the significance of that unless you know what I was like 4-6 months before then. I finally understood why people would drink to drown their sorrows; because for some reason it really works. I didn't need to be passed out drunk. Just drinking made me feel better, and being inebriated was just icing on the cake. I would never pass up alcohol and I'll get as much of it as I can. Beer became my favorite drink, and so in that moment where I didn't get the overwhelming urge to grab a cold can and down it on site was significant. A month back and I wouldn't care that it was 5 am - it was free and thus fair game.
It was then that I can say I finally got over it, being with good friends and traveling the country. But then after that, maybe until now, I came to a period that I would put in the words 'meh'. I wasn't interested in anything. My mind was blank. I'm not browsing for anything on the internet. I haven't blogged anything for a while and I'm not making a big deal about the lasts of my college life. I was just going through the motions of daily life. I was NR - no reaction. NR to life. And it sort of made sense, because after climbing out of the rut I dug myself in the past year, I found myself in a psychological plateau, or it’s like after climbing I just dropped dead from exhaustion.
Or if you want the emo version, I felt bad for so long I forgot how to feel anything else.
And so that's the short story of what has happened in my personal life these past 6 months. I'm still, or at least I feel like I'm in the end stages of the meh phase. I mean alot of things has/is happening. Practicum, immersion, first sem of senior year, 21 units, thesis, new friends, old friends, problems, J's problems, and more things that I don't bother to blog about. But let's see. the Bers are starting again and maybe AD 2009 will pick up speed soon.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Peace of Mind
Amongst the many memorable experiences related to our immersion in the 7 Lakes area in Laguna, my favorite one would be sleeping in the middle of the lake. My foster family had a hut in the middle of the lake to watch over their fishpens. Tatay Pando offered it as a place to sleep for the night, an offer I was all too eager to take.
From the moment we rowed out into the darkness I felt as if I was at home in the lake. The tranquility was profound. You could hear everything; your own breath, the gentle swoosh of the oar, the quiet slosh of the banca slicing through water, the flapping of bird wings, the fish swimming near the surface - and at the same time, nothing.
I wasn't alone of course. Our OSCI formator Kuya Raffy and my buddy Angelo were kind of dragged along, and Christian rowed us there. They went in the small room and slept almost immediately, but I didn't. I wanted to stay up as long as possible, and if I was going to sleep I'd do it outside, on one of the benches barely covered by the hut.
From all the noise of daily urban and academic life, the silence being in the middle of the lake that night was almost breathtaking in its serenity. The lake surface was so still as if it was a mirror, and the squares of the fishpens divided it and made it look like as if it was a pane of stained glass, reflecting the mountains that were silhouetted by the lights from the houses at its' base and the sky bright from stars that could only shine away from the cities. I was staring at this picturesque view from the bench where I lay, my feet pointing out the porch and so it was as if I had a magnificent wall painting at my feet. Under the small roof, with the whole lake at my feet and nothing but a net on my right side to keep me from falling into the water, it was my closest to sleeping under the stars. I stayed up as long as I can and tried to burn that image into my memory.
The silence was only broken by the occasional bird and sound of fish making more fish. The gentlest of breezes made for a cool night. In the darkness, and silence, in the middle of nature's tranquility, I found peace and a quiet mind. I just tried to enjoy it as much as I can, because I knew it wouldn't last.
Amongst the many memorable experiences related to our immersion in the 7 Lakes area in Laguna, my favorite one would be sleeping in the middle of the lake. My foster family had a hut in the middle of the lake to watch over their fishpens. Tatay Pando offered it as a place to sleep for the night, an offer I was all too eager to take.
From the moment we rowed out into the darkness I felt as if I was at home in the lake. The tranquility was profound. You could hear everything; your own breath, the gentle swoosh of the oar, the quiet slosh of the banca slicing through water, the flapping of bird wings, the fish swimming near the surface - and at the same time, nothing.
I wasn't alone of course. Our OSCI formator Kuya Raffy and my buddy Angelo were kind of dragged along, and Christian rowed us there. They went in the small room and slept almost immediately, but I didn't. I wanted to stay up as long as possible, and if I was going to sleep I'd do it outside, on one of the benches barely covered by the hut.
From all the noise of daily urban and academic life, the silence being in the middle of the lake that night was almost breathtaking in its serenity. The lake surface was so still as if it was a mirror, and the squares of the fishpens divided it and made it look like as if it was a pane of stained glass, reflecting the mountains that were silhouetted by the lights from the houses at its' base and the sky bright from stars that could only shine away from the cities. I was staring at this picturesque view from the bench where I lay, my feet pointing out the porch and so it was as if I had a magnificent wall painting at my feet. Under the small roof, with the whole lake at my feet and nothing but a net on my right side to keep me from falling into the water, it was my closest to sleeping under the stars. I stayed up as long as I can and tried to burn that image into my memory.
The silence was only broken by the occasional bird and sound of fish making more fish. The gentlest of breezes made for a cool night. In the darkness, and silence, in the middle of nature's tranquility, I found peace and a quiet mind. I just tried to enjoy it as much as I can, because I knew it wouldn't last.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Last Saturday was the scheduled run of the COMELEC’s local visits for voters registrations at our village, and so of course having pondered when is the best time to pay a visit to the municipal hall and go through the long process of getting registered, I took this opportunity to finally get it done and with less hassle (example of procrastination paying off).
It was scheduled from 8-am to 5pm, and although I got there right after breakfast there were already a lot of people lined up. Try to picture this: an enclosed covered court (like this: []), one half of which is just for picking up the registration form. The line for this simple process runs along the wall of the half court (the upper half of this [] ), and then doubles back when it reaches the end to form a second row along the wall. Judging by the pace it would have taken me more than 2 hours to get a form, which was kind of ok for me since I got all morning. Then I saw someone I knew, way ahead of the line, and I thought of how long he must have waited (and still had to wait). Still more than a hundred people between us, he almost at his turn to get the form and me getting fired up for some competition, I stood up and approached a friendly COMELEC officer. A little asking, a little explaining, a little ID showing and voila, I got my form and skipped about 2 hours more of waiting in line, ahead of my friend.
I hurried over to the other half of the covered court to widen my lead some more. It was here that people filled up the form that took hours for them to get. I started answering, and embarrassingly I had to pause to think about what to write in “city/municipality”. I figured it out a sec later, but it was 1 more than it should have taken. More on that later.
After accomplishing the form and after the place where they add other information only COMELEC people knew, I headed straight for line for the picture taking. I already know that getting my voter’s ID was next to impossible, so I thought this, the other half of the 6 hours of the whole registration process, was useless. They only had one camera which meant they could only accommodate 1 person at a time. The line stretched for another 1 and a half hour. You know, if they had two cameras it would have gone twice as fast, but apparently they didn’t think of that. I got to the line, 6 persons ahead of my friend who when he saw me asked “how did you get ahead of me?!” All I did was wave and smile, though what I really wanted to do was shout “In your face!!!1!111!1!1!!!!” so the whole court would hear.
If you think about it, this process shouldn't even last half an hour.
Back to municipalities. I never really cared or understood the distinction of cities and municipalities. I only got to appreciate (notice) the supposed relative autonomy of provinces and municipalities during my first practicum/working tour of the Philippines. Maybe because for those living at the national capital like me, local government units lose their distinction since we are right beside the seat of government, or LGUs actions are lost in the noise coming from the congress or I just haven’t had a chance to do business with our municipality which made it invisible to me. I always thought that Cainta, Angono, Antipolo, Binangonan etc. were just names for places. Only when out to the far provinces did I see the importance of municipalities. Being so far away from Manila people turn to their local government units for support and services.
However these LGUs are still dependent on the national government. They wait for information materials to be brought to them before they can distribute them. There are like colonies waiting for word from their masters in Manila. That’s why I say give the LGUs more freedom since they are the ones who know the reality of their respective localities. They should be capable of more independent action and not reliant on the national government which is bogged down by endless political bickering. That’s why I believe that Federalism is the way for the Philippines. Decentralized autonomous states or provinces, able to decide and act on their own, according to their own unique realities. Even with little traveling you will realize how diverse the Philippines really is. Drive two hours away from Manila in any direction and you’ll get to a place where people already speak another dialect. Drive two hours more and the dialect changes yet again. Unity in diversity, like what the EU says (EU subjects kicking in), not forceful integration into one homogenous national identity.
It was scheduled from 8-am to 5pm, and although I got there right after breakfast there were already a lot of people lined up. Try to picture this: an enclosed covered court (like this: []), one half of which is just for picking up the registration form. The line for this simple process runs along the wall of the half court (the upper half of this [] ), and then doubles back when it reaches the end to form a second row along the wall. Judging by the pace it would have taken me more than 2 hours to get a form, which was kind of ok for me since I got all morning. Then I saw someone I knew, way ahead of the line, and I thought of how long he must have waited (and still had to wait). Still more than a hundred people between us, he almost at his turn to get the form and me getting fired up for some competition, I stood up and approached a friendly COMELEC officer. A little asking, a little explaining, a little ID showing and voila, I got my form and skipped about 2 hours more of waiting in line, ahead of my friend.
I hurried over to the other half of the covered court to widen my lead some more. It was here that people filled up the form that took hours for them to get. I started answering, and embarrassingly I had to pause to think about what to write in “city/municipality”. I figured it out a sec later, but it was 1 more than it should have taken. More on that later.
After accomplishing the form and after the place where they add other information only COMELEC people knew, I headed straight for line for the picture taking. I already know that getting my voter’s ID was next to impossible, so I thought this, the other half of the 6 hours of the whole registration process, was useless. They only had one camera which meant they could only accommodate 1 person at a time. The line stretched for another 1 and a half hour. You know, if they had two cameras it would have gone twice as fast, but apparently they didn’t think of that. I got to the line, 6 persons ahead of my friend who when he saw me asked “how did you get ahead of me?!” All I did was wave and smile, though what I really wanted to do was shout “In your face!!!1!111!1!1!!!!” so the whole court would hear.
If you think about it, this process shouldn't even last half an hour.
Back to municipalities. I never really cared or understood the distinction of cities and municipalities. I only got to appreciate (notice) the supposed relative autonomy of provinces and municipalities during my first practicum/working tour of the Philippines. Maybe because for those living at the national capital like me, local government units lose their distinction since we are right beside the seat of government, or LGUs actions are lost in the noise coming from the congress or I just haven’t had a chance to do business with our municipality which made it invisible to me. I always thought that Cainta, Angono, Antipolo, Binangonan etc. were just names for places. Only when out to the far provinces did I see the importance of municipalities. Being so far away from Manila people turn to their local government units for support and services.
However these LGUs are still dependent on the national government. They wait for information materials to be brought to them before they can distribute them. There are like colonies waiting for word from their masters in Manila. That’s why I say give the LGUs more freedom since they are the ones who know the reality of their respective localities. They should be capable of more independent action and not reliant on the national government which is bogged down by endless political bickering. That’s why I believe that Federalism is the way for the Philippines. Decentralized autonomous states or provinces, able to decide and act on their own, according to their own unique realities. Even with little traveling you will realize how diverse the Philippines really is. Drive two hours away from Manila in any direction and you’ll get to a place where people already speak another dialect. Drive two hours more and the dialect changes yet again. Unity in diversity, like what the EU says (EU subjects kicking in), not forceful integration into one homogenous national identity.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Lucky
Being that I am typing (typed) this alone, in the deathly silence of my second practicum here in the office of the Foundation for Philippine Environment, and doing nothing but breathe and listen to the clock count the seconds till the end of the day 5 and a half hours away, I guess now is the best time to reminisce about my amazing adventure in my first practicum.
What did we do? We created a survey for the UNDP under the Ateneo School of Government to find out people’s perception and awareness level concerning climate change, the output of which will be the Philippines‘ official communication to the UN. Using that we blitzed through north Luzon, tested the survey first in Pampanga before we headed to Cagayan and then worked our way down through Isabela, Ifugao and Benguet. We didn’t stay in one place too long; we came, we interviewed, then we left for the next place, at most staying only 2 nights. A day after this grueling weeklong trip of 6 - 12 hour bus rides every other day some of us left immediately south to do the same thing over again, hitting Visayas at Bohol and Leyte and then Surigao Del Norte in Mindanao, crossing seas when summer storms were hitting the Philippines left and right.
You see I’ve always wanted to travel. My mom is a traveler and I guess I got that itch to see new places from her. However, we don’t. We don’t have the luxury to go to tourist spots on a whim, and we don’t even bother thinking about going abroad for vacations. Where my cousins half my age and close friends are already seasoned international travelers, I’ve yet to even leave Luzon island, not even had the chance to step foot on another island like Corregidor (and don’t give me that ‘but Corregidor is part of Luzon’. I said Luzon island, not the Luzon political boundary). For the longest time my world was just home and school, and the trips to certain of metro manila I had to go to out of necessity were already a treat of a new adventure. Even going to the province only happened every 2 or more years. That’s why when I hit college I started taking every opportunity to go out there, joining ESS and volunteering for orgs like GK and ISO. I wanted to go as far away as I can.
The opportunity arose when sir Leland recommended ISO and CCEFI as a practicum. Both are supposedly 1 month immersions. I’ve already experienced working with ISO, and the CCEFI thing was exciting - be based in Cebu for a month to work in community-based coastal resource management. I wanted to go, but like I said to sir; I want to travel, the question is if I’ll be allowed to. Being an only child requires a lot of negotiating with the parents especially when it comes to traveling and being away from home for long periods of time. Not only are they apprehensive concerning the duration and distance, being fieldwork is tiring and me showing that I’m vulnerable to asthma attacks during my trips already, they are also concerned with the finances. Enrolling in 2 subjects in summer was bad enough ( library fee being so high when we’re not gonna use it because we’ll be working), they cringe at the idea of the living expenses being posted that long that far. I wasn’t too bummed when they advised against taking either practicum; I already thought it was unlikely anyway, but here was another opportunity to leave Luzon island, which is my present goal contentment-for-the-moment-when-achieved, slipping by.
This became a topic between me and my mom one lunch. I told her of my imperative to leave Luzon as soon as possible. She tried to reassure me with the talk of being able to see the world in due time, that I shouldn’t rush it, and be patient and just wait till it comes - which had the opposite effect to what she intended. I became riled up; patience?! I say life is short and we don’t know what will happen tomorrow; I won’t wait for something to come when I can seize its. Now see this kind of straight talk about the fickleness of fate makes my mom terribly uncomfortable, but I’ve this impatience for life since being on the brink when I caught dengue (and several other instances between then and now which only, shall we say, reinforced that notion), and having gone through philo class and Heidegger I can now openly talk about it and just blame it on what I learn in school.
Then an alternative came when sir Leland recommended that I join a project an alumni approached him about. We’ve seen the email calling for volunteers, and I would have joined in a heartbeat if we didn’t have practicum. It never occurred to any of us that it could be a one, until sir Leland recommended it. It promised expense-paid fieldwork, but no exact details, and it was environmental. I took it, or rather sir Leland threw me there and all I had to do was say yes.
I started even before the sem officially ended. After the stress we went through Research Methods class, it was kinda annoying to find ourselves in the same kind of work. We talked about developing research instruments and properly made surveys and methodologies and tabulating and analyzing SPSS results, but since we were also talking about sampling in the provinces we were looking forward to fieldwork. The project had 18 target provinces, and as I was telling this to my parents while pointing out the possibilities over a large Philippine map, my mom was getting excited. And in a sort of half-gloating, half-consoling way, and in an all too Filipino manner of murdering English sayings she said ‘see, when one door closes, a window opens’. And like a good son who corrects his parents out of love while dismissing a wise counsel at the same time I said ‘mom, you mean another door opens’. While this was true I was still hung up on the opportunity to go leave Luzon passing me by. My mom said ‘you’ll get that opportunity again. For now you get to explore Luzon before you explore the rest of the Philippines and then the world. Baby steps.’
Talk about baby steps! In the space of 3 weeks I’ve managed to visit 8 provinces plus 2 more by virtue of being there to get to another province (bus stopovers not counted), 9 of which for the first time. I got to see the Banaue Rice Terraces which was spectacular, and even if I didn’t get to see the Chocolate Hills or a single tarsier in Bohol I don’t really mind because I got my first plane ride (at business class at that) and that alone is enough for me. Now I can say that I’ve finally left Luzon now that I’ve gone to both Visayas and Mindanao in a week. Then it was also my first time to visit provincial capitols, to spend the night in a government office; first time to interview Filipinos speaking another dialect; first time on an inter-island boat, on a RoRo, and in an ambulance (and thank God it wasn’t for real). We spent more than 30 hours stiff and unmoving in buses. We ran through heavy rains in Baguio without umbrellas. I slipped somewhere and got laughed at by a friend. We crashed a political family’s party. We got to cruise on a river and jump in another one that was getting higher by the second because of the rains. It was an extreme road trip/tour of the Philippines where I got to see what our country looks like away from the modernity of Manila, and what an amazing point of view and insights it gives. We got a glimpse of how most Filipinos live. And it was with awesome company, which made it an ultimate barkada outing (UBO). And all this basically for the price of one summer class.
I told someone once that I had a plan to get an all-expense paid trip to Europe by junior year. Well, I didn’t quite make it to Europe. But this was the same person who jokingly said that while she was touring the Europe, I was touring the Philippines. I’m sure it became truer than both of us thought it can be. At least this time, I’m proud of that comparison.
I’ve been lucky. Lucky to have been where I have been. And recalling the shenanigans and the extreme weather, lucky to be home again. I’m not jealous of those who will hit the other 10 provinces and repeat what we did while we spent day in and day out in the same office - well, I might be a little bit. But I’m already content with what I’ve got to experience so far. And if staying in this freezing office whose only sound is the aircon running and fingers typing is the balance for that awesome adventure then, I’ll serve my time here with a smile.
I just have to say, FPE has some excellent coffee.
Being that I am typing (typed) this alone, in the deathly silence of my second practicum here in the office of the Foundation for Philippine Environment, and doing nothing but breathe and listen to the clock count the seconds till the end of the day 5 and a half hours away, I guess now is the best time to reminisce about my amazing adventure in my first practicum.
What did we do? We created a survey for the UNDP under the Ateneo School of Government to find out people’s perception and awareness level concerning climate change, the output of which will be the Philippines‘ official communication to the UN. Using that we blitzed through north Luzon, tested the survey first in Pampanga before we headed to Cagayan and then worked our way down through Isabela, Ifugao and Benguet. We didn’t stay in one place too long; we came, we interviewed, then we left for the next place, at most staying only 2 nights. A day after this grueling weeklong trip of 6 - 12 hour bus rides every other day some of us left immediately south to do the same thing over again, hitting Visayas at Bohol and Leyte and then Surigao Del Norte in Mindanao, crossing seas when summer storms were hitting the Philippines left and right.
You see I’ve always wanted to travel. My mom is a traveler and I guess I got that itch to see new places from her. However, we don’t. We don’t have the luxury to go to tourist spots on a whim, and we don’t even bother thinking about going abroad for vacations. Where my cousins half my age and close friends are already seasoned international travelers, I’ve yet to even leave Luzon island, not even had the chance to step foot on another island like Corregidor (and don’t give me that ‘but Corregidor is part of Luzon’. I said Luzon island, not the Luzon political boundary). For the longest time my world was just home and school, and the trips to certain of metro manila I had to go to out of necessity were already a treat of a new adventure. Even going to the province only happened every 2 or more years. That’s why when I hit college I started taking every opportunity to go out there, joining ESS and volunteering for orgs like GK and ISO. I wanted to go as far away as I can.
The opportunity arose when sir Leland recommended ISO and CCEFI as a practicum. Both are supposedly 1 month immersions. I’ve already experienced working with ISO, and the CCEFI thing was exciting - be based in Cebu for a month to work in community-based coastal resource management. I wanted to go, but like I said to sir; I want to travel, the question is if I’ll be allowed to. Being an only child requires a lot of negotiating with the parents especially when it comes to traveling and being away from home for long periods of time. Not only are they apprehensive concerning the duration and distance, being fieldwork is tiring and me showing that I’m vulnerable to asthma attacks during my trips already, they are also concerned with the finances. Enrolling in 2 subjects in summer was bad enough ( library fee being so high when we’re not gonna use it because we’ll be working), they cringe at the idea of the living expenses being posted that long that far. I wasn’t too bummed when they advised against taking either practicum; I already thought it was unlikely anyway, but here was another opportunity to leave Luzon island, which is my present goal contentment-for-the-moment-when-achieved, slipping by.
This became a topic between me and my mom one lunch. I told her of my imperative to leave Luzon as soon as possible. She tried to reassure me with the talk of being able to see the world in due time, that I shouldn’t rush it, and be patient and just wait till it comes - which had the opposite effect to what she intended. I became riled up; patience?! I say life is short and we don’t know what will happen tomorrow; I won’t wait for something to come when I can seize its. Now see this kind of straight talk about the fickleness of fate makes my mom terribly uncomfortable, but I’ve this impatience for life since being on the brink when I caught dengue (and several other instances between then and now which only, shall we say, reinforced that notion), and having gone through philo class and Heidegger I can now openly talk about it and just blame it on what I learn in school.
Then an alternative came when sir Leland recommended that I join a project an alumni approached him about. We’ve seen the email calling for volunteers, and I would have joined in a heartbeat if we didn’t have practicum. It never occurred to any of us that it could be a one, until sir Leland recommended it. It promised expense-paid fieldwork, but no exact details, and it was environmental. I took it, or rather sir Leland threw me there and all I had to do was say yes.
I started even before the sem officially ended. After the stress we went through Research Methods class, it was kinda annoying to find ourselves in the same kind of work. We talked about developing research instruments and properly made surveys and methodologies and tabulating and analyzing SPSS results, but since we were also talking about sampling in the provinces we were looking forward to fieldwork. The project had 18 target provinces, and as I was telling this to my parents while pointing out the possibilities over a large Philippine map, my mom was getting excited. And in a sort of half-gloating, half-consoling way, and in an all too Filipino manner of murdering English sayings she said ‘see, when one door closes, a window opens’. And like a good son who corrects his parents out of love while dismissing a wise counsel at the same time I said ‘mom, you mean another door opens’. While this was true I was still hung up on the opportunity to go leave Luzon passing me by. My mom said ‘you’ll get that opportunity again. For now you get to explore Luzon before you explore the rest of the Philippines and then the world. Baby steps.’
Talk about baby steps! In the space of 3 weeks I’ve managed to visit 8 provinces plus 2 more by virtue of being there to get to another province (bus stopovers not counted), 9 of which for the first time. I got to see the Banaue Rice Terraces which was spectacular, and even if I didn’t get to see the Chocolate Hills or a single tarsier in Bohol I don’t really mind because I got my first plane ride (at business class at that) and that alone is enough for me. Now I can say that I’ve finally left Luzon now that I’ve gone to both Visayas and Mindanao in a week. Then it was also my first time to visit provincial capitols, to spend the night in a government office; first time to interview Filipinos speaking another dialect; first time on an inter-island boat, on a RoRo, and in an ambulance (and thank God it wasn’t for real). We spent more than 30 hours stiff and unmoving in buses. We ran through heavy rains in Baguio without umbrellas. I slipped somewhere and got laughed at by a friend. We crashed a political family’s party. We got to cruise on a river and jump in another one that was getting higher by the second because of the rains. It was an extreme road trip/tour of the Philippines where I got to see what our country looks like away from the modernity of Manila, and what an amazing point of view and insights it gives. We got a glimpse of how most Filipinos live. And it was with awesome company, which made it an ultimate barkada outing (UBO). And all this basically for the price of one summer class.
I told someone once that I had a plan to get an all-expense paid trip to Europe by junior year. Well, I didn’t quite make it to Europe. But this was the same person who jokingly said that while she was touring the Europe, I was touring the Philippines. I’m sure it became truer than both of us thought it can be. At least this time, I’m proud of that comparison.
I’ve been lucky. Lucky to have been where I have been. And recalling the shenanigans and the extreme weather, lucky to be home again. I’m not jealous of those who will hit the other 10 provinces and repeat what we did while we spent day in and day out in the same office - well, I might be a little bit. But I’m already content with what I’ve got to experience so far. And if staying in this freezing office whose only sound is the aircon running and fingers typing is the balance for that awesome adventure then, I’ll serve my time here with a smile.
I just have to say, FPE has some excellent coffee.
Monday, January 12, 2009
The Universe
During my brief time in a long-distance relationship I mused to a girl on the other side of the world how every song I hear talks about separation and waiting. She said that's always the case and there is no meaning in that.
Sometime ago an elder shared how we just attach meanings to things, in a sense we create and select what we choose to believe.
Then if that's the case, then call me an idiot for believing that we can find meaning in the Universe, that it seems like we our embedded in a story where every object in it holds a meaning and all you have to do is interpret it, That there is a theme that guides our lives.
Because now with what I have failed to put into words I am hearing songs not anymore of separation and waiting, but songs that seem to exactly explain how I feel. I hear a remake/revival of one particular song by 2 artists at the same, a song by Mariah Carrie, a couple of other artists and songs even SpongeCola has helped to express what I feel but couldn't say.
Where I'm now reading a blogpost by a friend that seems to give comfort and wisdom by sharing quotes and company to those who are brokenhearted.
and where my Philosophy lessons are giving insights and helping me think about the situation in ways I couldn't have normally thought about.
And the cold breeze ties it all together.
Everything around me is helping me to to figure out what I need. Such is the Universe, a mirror that reflects ourselves.
~~~~
Listing the songs for future reference
#1. If You're Not The One by Daniel Bedingfield, revived by Nikki Gil and someone
If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
Chorus:
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
*Repeat Chorus
‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side
*Repeat Chorus
#2 Break even by Script
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cause I got time while she got freedom
Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even
Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her 1st
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even
Chorus:
What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
They say bad things happen for a reason
But not wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven
*Repeat Chorus
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)
You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm trying make sense of what little remains
Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even
*Repeat Chorus
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)
#3 'Di na Mababawi by Spongecola
Ngayo'y aking inuunawang pilit
Mga pagkukulang kong iyong ginigiit
Sana'y malaman mo na tanging ikaw lamang
Ang aking iniintindi
Nakatanim pa sa'king ala-ala
Pangako mong mananatili ka
Kaya't paglisan mo'y naiwan ang pusong ito
Na ngayo'y bitin na bitin
Chorus:
'Di mo na mababawi iniwang sakit
Sa mga salitang binitiwan mo
Hindi ba't ikaw na rin ang nagpasya, nagtakda
At siyang unang umiwas
Bakit nga ba ako 'yong pinaasa?
Nasa aking guniguni malamig mong tinig
Kasabay ng hanging na dumarampi
Na para bang ika'y nariyan sa aking paligid
Tahimik na nagmamasid
*Repeat Chorus
Nahulog na'ng mga ulap, buwan at araw, mga bituwin
Ang ginugol na panaho'y na saan? (panaho'y na saan)
'Di ba't sayang naman? (Di ba't sayang naman)
Giliw yeah yeah yeah yeah
Ngunit di mo na mababawi iniwang sakit
Sa mga salitang binitiwan mo
Hindi ba't ikaw na rin ang nagpasya, nagtakda
At siyang unang umiwas
Bakit nga ba ako 'yong pinaasa? 2x
#4 I Stay in Love by Mariah Carey
Oh, baby
Baby
I stay in love with you
Dying inside cause
I can't stand it
Make up a break up
Can't take this madness
We don't even
Really know why
All I know is baby
I try and try so hard
To keep our love alive
If you dont' know me
At this point
Then I highly
Doubt you ever will
I really need you
To give me
That unconditional love
I used to feel
It's no mistaking
We're just erasing
From our hearts
And minds
[Chorus:
And I know we said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby
I stay in love with you
And I keep on
Telling myself
That you'll come
Back around
And I try to front
Like "oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now
No matter what I do
But baby, baby
I stay in love with you]
Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na
Baby
I stay in love with you
It cuts so deep
It hurts down to my soul
My friends tell me
I ain't the same no more
We still need each other
When we stumble and fall
How we gon' act
Like what we had
Ain't nothin' at all now
Hey
What I wanna do is
wish i got next to you
With the top down
Like we used to
Hit the block
Proud in the SUV
We both know
Our heart is breaking
Can we learn
From our mistakes
I can't last
One moment alone
Now go I know
*Repeat Chorus 2x
I stay in love
Love
Oh, I stay in love
During my brief time in a long-distance relationship I mused to a girl on the other side of the world how every song I hear talks about separation and waiting. She said that's always the case and there is no meaning in that.
Sometime ago an elder shared how we just attach meanings to things, in a sense we create and select what we choose to believe.
Then if that's the case, then call me an idiot for believing that we can find meaning in the Universe, that it seems like we our embedded in a story where every object in it holds a meaning and all you have to do is interpret it, That there is a theme that guides our lives.
Because now with what I have failed to put into words I am hearing songs not anymore of separation and waiting, but songs that seem to exactly explain how I feel. I hear a remake/revival of one particular song by 2 artists at the same, a song by Mariah Carrie, a couple of other artists and songs even SpongeCola has helped to express what I feel but couldn't say.
Where I'm now reading a blogpost by a friend that seems to give comfort and wisdom by sharing quotes and company to those who are brokenhearted.
and where my Philosophy lessons are giving insights and helping me think about the situation in ways I couldn't have normally thought about.
And the cold breeze ties it all together.
Everything around me is helping me to to figure out what I need. Such is the Universe, a mirror that reflects ourselves.
~~~~
Listing the songs for future reference
#1. If You're Not The One by Daniel Bedingfield, revived by Nikki Gil and someone
If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
Chorus:
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
*Repeat Chorus
‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side
*Repeat Chorus
#2 Break even by Script
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cause I got time while she got freedom
Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even
Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her 1st
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even
Chorus:
What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
They say bad things happen for a reason
But not wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven
*Repeat Chorus
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)
You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm trying make sense of what little remains
Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even
*Repeat Chorus
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)
#3 'Di na Mababawi by Spongecola
Ngayo'y aking inuunawang pilit
Mga pagkukulang kong iyong ginigiit
Sana'y malaman mo na tanging ikaw lamang
Ang aking iniintindi
Nakatanim pa sa'king ala-ala
Pangako mong mananatili ka
Kaya't paglisan mo'y naiwan ang pusong ito
Na ngayo'y bitin na bitin
Chorus:
'Di mo na mababawi iniwang sakit
Sa mga salitang binitiwan mo
Hindi ba't ikaw na rin ang nagpasya, nagtakda
At siyang unang umiwas
Bakit nga ba ako 'yong pinaasa?
Nasa aking guniguni malamig mong tinig
Kasabay ng hanging na dumarampi
Na para bang ika'y nariyan sa aking paligid
Tahimik na nagmamasid
*Repeat Chorus
Nahulog na'ng mga ulap, buwan at araw, mga bituwin
Ang ginugol na panaho'y na saan? (panaho'y na saan)
'Di ba't sayang naman? (Di ba't sayang naman)
Giliw yeah yeah yeah yeah
Ngunit di mo na mababawi iniwang sakit
Sa mga salitang binitiwan mo
Hindi ba't ikaw na rin ang nagpasya, nagtakda
At siyang unang umiwas
Bakit nga ba ako 'yong pinaasa? 2x
#4 I Stay in Love by Mariah Carey
Oh, baby
Baby
I stay in love with you
Dying inside cause
I can't stand it
Make up a break up
Can't take this madness
We don't even
Really know why
All I know is baby
I try and try so hard
To keep our love alive
If you dont' know me
At this point
Then I highly
Doubt you ever will
I really need you
To give me
That unconditional love
I used to feel
It's no mistaking
We're just erasing
From our hearts
And minds
[Chorus:
And I know we said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby
I stay in love with you
And I keep on
Telling myself
That you'll come
Back around
And I try to front
Like "oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now
No matter what I do
But baby, baby
I stay in love with you]
Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na
Baby
I stay in love with you
It cuts so deep
It hurts down to my soul
My friends tell me
I ain't the same no more
We still need each other
When we stumble and fall
How we gon' act
Like what we had
Ain't nothin' at all now
Hey
What I wanna do is
wish i got next to you
With the top down
Like we used to
Hit the block
Proud in the SUV
We both know
Our heart is breaking
Can we learn
From our mistakes
I can't last
One moment alone
Now go I know
*Repeat Chorus 2x
I stay in love
Love
Oh, I stay in love
Thursday, January 08, 2009
The Top 9 Places on My Travel List
Only 9 because I can’t think of a tenth. I have this thing of “not going with the crowd”. I don’t like ‘popular’ and ‘famous’ things that generate hype and masses of fans around them, like the way I don’t like Twilight and Harry Potter, and like have no excitement at going to a place like Boracay. One because there are a lot of people there, and because I want to see the hidden splendours of the world, the ones only a few people know about, especially the natural ones. So the places on my list are not exactly the popular tourist destinations.
Though there are many places I want to go and visit, these 9 places are the only ones that I have this weird unexplainable feeling of being compelled to go to.
1. Hall of Mirrors. Château de Versailles. France
I was enchanted when I first saw and heard about the Hall of Mirrors, and actually now I can’t remember why. It was some years ago, and when I look at pictures of it now I can’t remember the reason why I wanted to see it so badly. Maybe because it’s in France, the one country I’ve loved to go to, and its setting in history during the old times of royalty and nobility. It keeps the top spot in my list for the reason that it was the first place I actually put on my list.
Not exactly on my list, but since we are in France, might as well visit the Millau Bridge. World’s Tallest Vehicular Bride, slightly taller than the Eiffel Tower. Must have incredible views; I’d love the chance to walk through it. Sorry, no Eiffel Tower for me.
2. Iguazu Falls. Border of Brazil and Argentina.
Breathtaking Falls. Everyone Talks of Niagara Falls. Iguazu makes the Niagara look like an overflowing bathtub. Even Eleanor Roosevelt was even reportedly to have exclaimed "Poor Niagara!" at the sight of it.
And since we are comparing a US landmark to a Brazilian one, might as well throw in there the Itaipu Dam, another place I’d like to see since I’d be in the neigborhood anyway. Hoover dam? Please. If you wanna say dam, go and check out Itaipu
3. The Graduate Institute. Geneva. Switzerland
Hehe. New addition. When I attended the talk regarding the further studies opportunity presented by the Graduate Institute, I was twitching in excitement. It combined all the things I wanted and loved to do; go to Europe, learn French, and study Development Studies. Not to mention the campus has the awesome view of Lake Geneva, and Switzerland is home to the Alps and gives a springboard to travel to other parts of Europe, taking a Masters in the Graduate Institute definitely became an opportunity I’m looking forward to.
(View of Lake Geneva)
4. Rome. Italy.
Probably the only ‘truly’ tourist destination in my list. What can I say, Rome is just that awesome. I’d like to go there because the Romans had that mentality I think highly of where they capture splendor in sculptures, statues and monuments that defy time. The Colosseum, Circus Maximus, the Trevi fountain. They had the right idea of capturing magnificence. I love to see cities adorned by monuments and grand iconic structures. It gives you that feeling of grandeur. Think Lord of the Rings.. See, we don’t have that in the Philippines, or most of the World nowadays for that matter.
(Trevi Fountain)
Only other place that I would like to visit that has that 'grand feeling' would be Rio de Janeiro with the statue of Christ the Redeemer overlooking the city. Awesome statue with equally awesome location. I'd like to see it, but not in this list because I don't have that feeling of being compelled to
5. Kremlin. Moscow. Russia.
Everybody wants to go the USA. I ask why? I wanna go to Russia - mostly just because everybody wants to go to the US. I want to go and stand on Red Square and see the Kremlin. You hear people say Washington or the White House as a synonym for the US government in high politics. That’s supposed to be intimidating, a house that practically stands as a symbol for racism? (Well not now since Obama is there) Now take the Kremlin; seat of the government of Russia, the power that challenged the United States, a fortress, with a name that’s intimidating by itself. See, beside the Kremlin stands St. Basil’s Cathedral, a church, distinct in the skyline through its onion shaped domes. Now what’s distinct in the skyline of the US capital? A giant phallic symbol. I’d also like to see a Russian Military parade.
(Red Square, with Kremlin to the right)
(St. Basil's Cathedral)
6. The Aurora.
Not a particular place by itself, because the Auroras manifest in the skies above the polar latitudes. I want to just find a place where I can just lay there and watch it. Stargazing made even better. It’s hard to believe these images are real.
7. Plitvice Lakes. Croatia
I bet you haven’t heard of this place. The Plitvice Lakes are a series of lakes interconnected by spectacular waterfalls. The lakes are renowned for their distinctive colours, ranging from azure to green, grey or blue. The colours change constantly depending on the quantity of minerals or organisms in the water and the angle of sunlight. Breath taking I would imagine.
8. Catatumbo river at Lake Maracaibo. Venezuela
Also another place I bet you haven’t heard. The Catatumbo River is home to Venezuela’s Everlasting Storm, an almost permanent lightning storm, 160 nights a year, 10 hours a night, and as many as 280 times an hour. It’s even called the Maracaibo Beacon as light has been used for navigation by ships for ages. Because it can be seen up to 400 km away. I wanna find a spot and just watch it all night. I wonder if there is any thunder.
9. New Zealand
Because that is where Lord of the Rings and Narnia was filmed! And if you don’t know, the landscape is just breathtaking. And of course, there aren’t many people in New Zealand.
(Set from the Lord of The Rings)
Only 9 because I can’t think of a tenth. I have this thing of “not going with the crowd”. I don’t like ‘popular’ and ‘famous’ things that generate hype and masses of fans around them, like the way I don’t like Twilight and Harry Potter, and like have no excitement at going to a place like Boracay. One because there are a lot of people there, and because I want to see the hidden splendours of the world, the ones only a few people know about, especially the natural ones. So the places on my list are not exactly the popular tourist destinations.
Though there are many places I want to go and visit, these 9 places are the only ones that I have this weird unexplainable feeling of being compelled to go to.
1. Hall of Mirrors. Château de Versailles. France
I was enchanted when I first saw and heard about the Hall of Mirrors, and actually now I can’t remember why. It was some years ago, and when I look at pictures of it now I can’t remember the reason why I wanted to see it so badly. Maybe because it’s in France, the one country I’ve loved to go to, and its setting in history during the old times of royalty and nobility. It keeps the top spot in my list for the reason that it was the first place I actually put on my list.
Not exactly on my list, but since we are in France, might as well visit the Millau Bridge. World’s Tallest Vehicular Bride, slightly taller than the Eiffel Tower. Must have incredible views; I’d love the chance to walk through it. Sorry, no Eiffel Tower for me.
2. Iguazu Falls. Border of Brazil and Argentina.
Breathtaking Falls. Everyone Talks of Niagara Falls. Iguazu makes the Niagara look like an overflowing bathtub. Even Eleanor Roosevelt was even reportedly to have exclaimed "Poor Niagara!" at the sight of it.
And since we are comparing a US landmark to a Brazilian one, might as well throw in there the Itaipu Dam, another place I’d like to see since I’d be in the neigborhood anyway. Hoover dam? Please. If you wanna say dam, go and check out Itaipu
3. The Graduate Institute. Geneva. Switzerland
Hehe. New addition. When I attended the talk regarding the further studies opportunity presented by the Graduate Institute, I was twitching in excitement. It combined all the things I wanted and loved to do; go to Europe, learn French, and study Development Studies. Not to mention the campus has the awesome view of Lake Geneva, and Switzerland is home to the Alps and gives a springboard to travel to other parts of Europe, taking a Masters in the Graduate Institute definitely became an opportunity I’m looking forward to.
(View of Lake Geneva)
4. Rome. Italy.
Probably the only ‘truly’ tourist destination in my list. What can I say, Rome is just that awesome. I’d like to go there because the Romans had that mentality I think highly of where they capture splendor in sculptures, statues and monuments that defy time. The Colosseum, Circus Maximus, the Trevi fountain. They had the right idea of capturing magnificence. I love to see cities adorned by monuments and grand iconic structures. It gives you that feeling of grandeur. Think Lord of the Rings.. See, we don’t have that in the Philippines, or most of the World nowadays for that matter.
(Trevi Fountain)
Only other place that I would like to visit that has that 'grand feeling' would be Rio de Janeiro with the statue of Christ the Redeemer overlooking the city. Awesome statue with equally awesome location. I'd like to see it, but not in this list because I don't have that feeling of being compelled to
5. Kremlin. Moscow. Russia.
Everybody wants to go the USA. I ask why? I wanna go to Russia - mostly just because everybody wants to go to the US. I want to go and stand on Red Square and see the Kremlin. You hear people say Washington or the White House as a synonym for the US government in high politics. That’s supposed to be intimidating, a house that practically stands as a symbol for racism? (Well not now since Obama is there) Now take the Kremlin; seat of the government of Russia, the power that challenged the United States, a fortress, with a name that’s intimidating by itself. See, beside the Kremlin stands St. Basil’s Cathedral, a church, distinct in the skyline through its onion shaped domes. Now what’s distinct in the skyline of the US capital? A giant phallic symbol. I’d also like to see a Russian Military parade.
(Red Square, with Kremlin to the right)
(St. Basil's Cathedral)
6. The Aurora.
Not a particular place by itself, because the Auroras manifest in the skies above the polar latitudes. I want to just find a place where I can just lay there and watch it. Stargazing made even better. It’s hard to believe these images are real.
7. Plitvice Lakes. Croatia
I bet you haven’t heard of this place. The Plitvice Lakes are a series of lakes interconnected by spectacular waterfalls. The lakes are renowned for their distinctive colours, ranging from azure to green, grey or blue. The colours change constantly depending on the quantity of minerals or organisms in the water and the angle of sunlight. Breath taking I would imagine.
8. Catatumbo river at Lake Maracaibo. Venezuela
Also another place I bet you haven’t heard. The Catatumbo River is home to Venezuela’s Everlasting Storm, an almost permanent lightning storm, 160 nights a year, 10 hours a night, and as many as 280 times an hour. It’s even called the Maracaibo Beacon as light has been used for navigation by ships for ages. Because it can be seen up to 400 km away. I wanna find a spot and just watch it all night. I wonder if there is any thunder.
9. New Zealand
Because that is where Lord of the Rings and Narnia was filmed! And if you don’t know, the landscape is just breathtaking. And of course, there aren’t many people in New Zealand.
(Set from the Lord of The Rings)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
