A Stargazer's Point of View

2011-04-04T08:59:00.001-07:00

Unemployment Blues

I've been unproductive for the past week. That's what I get for trusting an EC. It's either they're really taking their sweet time making a decision, or I've mis-assessed how evil they actually are and that they have already decided to not call us back but didn't even bother the normal courtesy to inform us. Either way, I still can't believe that considering what we've done for them this past 2 months,and the "professional" relationships we have established, they'd leave us hanging like this. That's why deep down I'm actually keeping some hope that they'd still contact us soon. But I can't hope and wait forever, so I'd give them a day or two before I put my head back in the job hunting game. Also that actually; I'm still hoping that I'd get spared the tremendous hassle of another job hunt.

Surprisingly, I was somewhat looking forward to taking this job, even though research and marketing (worse, the two together, research marketing) is a field I didn't really want to get into. My primary reason for wanting to stay, aside from the shallow yet practical reason of finally having an adequately paying job over the medium-term, was the training. Yes, the workplace is stressful, but this has challenged me to become a better worker, learning habits that weren't properly inculcated into me during high school or college. I was looking forward to being forced to up my game, to level up during the short time I was planning to stay with that company.

Also, I was looking forward to learning something about marketing. Even though in principle I still don't like the idea of it, I can't deny that it has some utility. And utility to me, though I wouldn't want to stick to that field in the future, I would appreciate gaining some potentially useful knowledge and skills from the stuff I was gonna do.

Now my mom tells me to give them until Wednesday before I formally job hunt once more. The idea of it still sucks but what can I do. This is what happens when you place your hope and trust in an EC.

2011-01-17T07:40:00.000-08:00

College do-over

I remember this one time, at campus, I was frantically trying to figure out how to arrange my electives to get my European studies minor in a year. The minor allowed Histo 18, European history to be taken as an elective which would have meant that I could have conveniently fulfilled a requirement for the minor without trying and taking up another elective slot since it was a core subject. That is, if I haven't taken Histo 16, Asian History, already instead.

Which made me say with conviction, "The next time I go through college I'm taking Histo 18 for sure!"

Then a few seconds later, "Oh yeah..." Face palm.

It might have been the effect of playing too much video games that made me unconsciously think that I have the power to repeat college as easy as playing through a game one more time out of boredom. That, or everyone has that wish where we could relive a part of our lives, this time correcting for the mistakes I have learned along the way. For me, I think it was the former.

Well I'm just thinking of my simple college do-overs. One would be that, taking Histo 18 instead of 16. Another would be taking German or Italian instead of French. I used to be so obsessed with trying to learn French, and now I don't remember why. Ondoy washed away all my French readings, and along with it almost everything I learned in class. Words, pronunciation, conjugation, all gone. Now, with my interest in World War II and immersing myself in many a movie that has German in it, and, having recently watched When in Rome I'm wishing I took German or Italian instead. I think pronouncing either would have been easier.

Another would be a trick I learned in my last sem. I saw some of my classmates using a notebook made by binding their old readings together so that the clean white backs become the writing pads. That was simply genius. I can't believe I never thought of that, a mind-bogglingly simple way of recycling old readings and getting a free notebook at the same time. I wish I encountered it sooner so I would have done it, though it's not like I take a lot of notes, but still. Well, I'll be teaching that trick to my kids one day.

How about you? I bet you have a simple college do over moment too.

Oh college, how I miss it. I wish I could go to school again. You know what, I think I shall do that. But not Ateneo, I go there often enough. I think I'll go to some other college and see what life is like there.

2011-01-11T19:48:00.000-08:00

Cruel Joke

The first time I said it, I might have been exagerrating. This time though I believe it's warranted already. Granted it's probably not intentional, but they should have seen what they were doing. We were (verging on) desperate for a job, and here is one we would really love, promising all the aspects we wanted; decent pay and a chance to work for others while getting to travel. A lot.

And then we were told we had a good chance so we should apply. I did, and the reply the first time was "thanks, we'll call you next year when we're hiring". Wait what? you told us we could apply but apparently not hiring yet. A bit bitter I thought that that was the cruel joke. We were told the chances were high, they were looking for guys, the interview will be easy etc., and then bam, see you next year. I shrugged the thought of, just thought that because since it's November and hirings are difficult during the Christmas season. So I waited patiently.

3 months later and it was on again. My friend delayed his application till the New Year to skip the holiday hiring funk, and so we hoped this would trigger the interview calls. Add again with assurances of 'the company is expanding, looking for guys like you, etc' and we thought this thing was practically in the bag after the interview until the message. Sorry guys, apparently we're not hiring after all. What.

See that's the cruel joke right there. Oh you guys want to join our company, sure just send your applications. We're looking for people like you. Got your resume, just wait for our call next year. Oh I thought your friend is applying? I 'm waiting for his application. Oh here it is, sorry though we're not hiring anytime soon. Wow, thanks for getting our hopes up and stringing us along for months.

Ok, I'm done ranting now. It's time to move on and resume looking for a job. It just sucks to be led on like that.

2010-12-15T08:34:00.000-08:00

21

Yeah so 30 minutes ago was my birthday. Nothing major, went to mass at my school chapel, spent the day with 2 close friends, treated myself to some me-mw time and had a pleasant dinner with my parents at home. For some reason, though tradition or social media portrays it, I don't feel any big deal about turning 21. Actually, I don't feel anything special about today. The whole run-up to my birthday this year, I wasn't excited or anything. I almost feel pressured to make as much a big deal of it as others who know about it are.

Maybe it's the lack of structure, like in school I can compare and track the dates leading to my birthday. Or maybe it's the depressing feeling of being useless unemployed bum that's sapping my enthusiasm. I'm leaning on the second one. My friend told me the same feeling got to her before she got the job, and she's right. It does get to you.

Nayway, since Operation Writers Block stalled because of my internship and subsequent bummery, and now being tied-down by an assignment in transcription that I am now regretting, I haven't written a while. I have actually started writing some things but haven't gotten around to finishing them yet. Now it's the pressure of delivering the transcript that is so mind-numbing to finish thats hindering me. I'll call it quits after this second one. I've had it with listening to recordings.

Regarding my social experiment that is to wipe my birthdate information from FB to see if anyone will remember at all, I'm surprised that less people greeted me than I expected. More over, minus my 2 friends who I hanged out with and a close guy friend, the greetings I got came from the people I didn't expect them from. An ES friend, my partner that I'm ashamed to say I ditched in CO, and my tita. And that's it. I'm actually surprised, and a little bit hurt actually. Only these people remembered my birthday- though don't get me wrong it warms my heart to receive greetings from them. All the rest of my friends, including the ones I really thought would, didn't remember it without the help of FB. Eh but screw that. At least I know that she still remembered, and that is enough for me today.

Thank you God, for my 21 years, of being alive and being so blessed, for my friends, my family, everyone I know, and everyone I love.

2010-10-09T08:58:00.000-07:00

Problems

Since it appears that I'll have a legitimate change at landing a writing position, I should really make it a point to continue my practice of writing, at the very least every other day.

Of course, this writing job at the Foundation is not my first choice. I would love to get inside zedpi rather than the foundation because I am experiencing office work now at A-Sog and it is not really the type of thing I would like to do for long. The idea of staying in a cubicle or room day after day typing stuff into the computer is frankly almost my idea of hell. Zedpi is so far the closest thing I could think of the perfect job within reasonable reach.

Of course, if the opportunity presented itself I wouldn't be able to gamble it for a chance to get to zedpi; that is just unwise. If both are lost then I will be forced to rely on an equally unsure back-up plan of ensuring that I get hired in A-Sog. So it looks like I will have to prepare for the first real job interview of my life, to be able to ensure that I have a full-hearted chance of landing the job at the foundation and just hope that if I don't get it i will have a chance of getting in a job with a lot of fieldwork which I would love more. Talk about a class A problem. Having a lot of good options is just as stressful as having no options at all.

Since I am talking about problems, I might as well take this chance to put to writing the one problem that has stuck to me all this years like crazy glue. I've been bottling up all this negative feelings that i don't know how to get rid off. I'm stuck between deciding whether to bring it up, or just continue my isolationist policy.

if I do bring it up, how should I say it? What do I actually want? I would say that I really miss the friends that hurt me. I miss them so much it hurts, but then I still feel that all is not resolved since the last time so putting up a mask where I am still hurt just by seeing them is equally bad if not worse. It's the hedgehogs dilemma; I couldn't get close without getting hurt, but I am hurting as well from the distance.

I would say that I wish for the past back where we could hang-out like normal, but in this situation it is impossible. They are together, which means any attempt I do will most likely end up as me being a third wheel - that is , if by some miracle they are actually free.

I would say that I miss talking to her, but then I get the feeling that she thinks of me as a bother anyway so if I try to put things back it will be just a sad attempt. Any thing try will just be another sad thing.

All this, because all this years and heartbreaks, I still feel the same way, and so all my actions are undeniable colored by some complex emotion. So what do I want to do exactly? Regain old friendships? Is it possible? Do they actually care? i guess, given the next opportunity, I would take it to tell her this, and try to unburden myself with all this negativity

Hay. Anyway, I have other important things to thing about, other things that make me happy. Let's start with preparing for that job interview tomorrow.

2010-10-02T09:31:00.000-07:00

OWB Low Battery

So I've come upon another creative, life-energy, mental dry spell that I can't even think of the next sentence I will write after this upon. It's ridiculous. Well I know it will end eventually but what should I do until then? I can't tap a well that has gone dry, I have to wait for the stream of consciousness to flow again naturally. I haven't discovered a way to break out of this phase yet.

nothing. Nada. Zilch. All I could think of doing now is just keep reading, and hopefully that can spark some kind of reaction in my mind. Brings me to a thought though about having professional help. R has the luxury, time and money to take seminars and classes that is improving his craft. Mine is basically a self-help thing. Should I edit and polish my past pieces or should I leave them as is as a markers of my improvement? Hmm.. haven't really thought about it. I guess I'll just try making better new ones. But again, the problem here is that i have nothing to write about. Low battery, a situation where my mind is silent and I have no idea of how to jump-starting it back up.

2010-09-23T08:29:00.000-07:00

Motivation

This is actually the difficult aspect of writing, that is, finding the motivation that will compel me to do so. So far I've only written when it comes naturally, because that means I've got a good handle on how to write it, what's the purpose and a good angle for it. If not, I will struggle to put into words my abstract thoughts and it is difficult. I should work on this next - forcing a free write on something more serious, because well these last 3 posts are techincally forced free writes.I have enough ideas keeping me annoyingly awake at night these past few days, half-baked concepts and unfinished paragrapgh constructions about the road not taken, being normal and opinion writing that given any idle time my mind will race through the topic until it hits a brick wall. I'm basically mental blogging the entire day. I wish that there comes a technology that can translate thought to text someday. Or I should just carry a recorder around. It's either that, or I'm entering another meh phase.

RiB

Yeah so I watched Rhytmn in Blue last night. I didn't know it was that big an event. I've basically ignored it my entire college life since it's about dance. Perhaps also since there was no influence around me then would have dragged us or at least made me curious enough to watch it.

I was surprised at how good the other orgs are. I was expecting simple dance routines since these are basically ad hoc danced teams that the different orgs put together for the contest. But their choreography was actually at a competititve level - so good in fact that even orgs that you wouldn't expect to have a group of talented dancers like BoX or AMS (sorry for the stereotype) actually out performed even CADs. Well, CADs' numbers were boring.

Of course the reason we went there was to support Ann, and so we waited eagerly for their group to come on stage. And she was amazing, especially since she says it's her first time. She seemed like a natural, and they even flipped her around. Not many first timers you'd expect who are willing to do that.

I should remember to bring my camera. At least thanks to Ann, I managed to see an event that is actually amazing that I've missed my whole college life, so I'm thankful for that. It reminded me why Ateneans are the cream of the crop, and why I love my school. Cmon, even our Math geeks (sorry haha) can tear up a dance floor. Give Ateneans a flat stage, and they will show you that they can compete at anything, and win.

2010-09-21T08:55:00.000-07:00

OWB: Writing Rules

Like the many lists of rules I've managed to come with these past few years, I'm laying one down for my writing.

Rule #1: Write it down immediately. This goes for both snippets of thoughts randomly conjured (the purpose of the free-notes notebook) and blogging about a new experience. Since it has happened 3 nights ago the excitement of Saturday's Nitro night are starting to wear off, and hence the accompanying motivation to write about it and possibly any creative juice I could squeeze into writing it as well. So the next time I come across a new experience, I'll set a date with a drafting board.

Rule #2: Read, read, read. This comes naturally to me that I don't even have to say it to myself, but what I'll be doing is laying down some corollary rules. Like what type of stuff to read. Instead of spending my time playing Civilizations (thank God the last obsession ended with the realization that my current empire sucks), I will read the newspaper more. Maybe not the entertainment sections, but more of those articles that needed writing talent in it's creation. Opinions and essays. I just saw bloggers' collection of other blogs, and I'll make it a point to browse through those as well. Read more, watch less. Lessen distractions and other stuff that can add noise to my already noisy mind.

Rule #3: Proofread! Careless mistakes and run-on sentences are always present in my writing. I will be more conscientious in my writing that I will edit it. Since most of my blogs are basically just draft qualities, I could probably let slip fixing sentence constructions. But I shall at least give them a once over and correct typos. For more serious pieces I shall proofread them more. At least in terms of typos, I should be perfect.

Perhaps I should make a tier of my writing qualities, like draft-quality blogposts such as these, then medium-quality narrative posts for experiences that will require more editing, and portfolio-level essays that will need serious editing and polishing. Yeah, I think I will do that.

With that the foundations of my rules for writing are established. Tomorrow perhaps I could practice my narrative blogging after watching RiB. The past few days have been boring, with the only ray of sunshine being Kits starting to reply once again with an equal casting of a shadow with the start of waiting for A-SoG's reply to my application for internship.

When i get a column of my own some day, I'll name it Past Midnight, because apparently my writing happens after 12mn.

2010-09-20T09:01:00.000-07:00

Blogging Back

So I've just finished rereading my old blogposts. Really, there is a discernible difference in my writing style from before and after 2008. I can't articulate it well, but before 2008 I was more conversational, like I was talking to someone in particular that made the post sound, natural. And after 2008, it seems like the writing is now without an audience. I can't get a handle on the distinct nuance of this writing style, but I know that it's different. I guess the only way to exercise back to that style is try narrative blogging again.

Blogging for the sake of doing is actually an effective way of exercising my writing ability. Reading back I see that my wittiest comes from that unedited explosion of thought that comes from writing about a new experience or epiphany. I used to write about even my most mundane opinions, and still make a good post. Surprisingly I could even end it with a profound thought. All it lacks perhaps is a second reading and clearing up careless mistakes and typos.

I guess due to the events of 2008 I taken more to internally picking apart my thought processes and held off coming to any conclusion until I figured it all out. Perhaps also my isolationist policy contributed to the sudden decline of my blog posts. I've come ignore or suppress my opinions, unlike the way I used to shamelessly write it down and present it to the world. I have to break this mold. Blog, even for the sake of blogging. This will be my 'conditioning' exercise as part of Operation Writers Block. Until I am satisfied that I have regained my ability to be witty and naturally conversational. Shall I blog about last Saturday's Nitrogen dinner? Perhaps I should. It will be a good exercise. And this is the latent purpose of blogging that I should remember. Writing about my experiences, putting o paper my reactions and thoughts about it, thte wonder that comes from doing something for the first time or stepping foot on a place I've never been, will allow me to relive them later, and God knows I get to more adventures that I actually acknowledge. but that will have to wait for tomorrow. It's past midnight already.

2010-09-19T09:06:00.000-07:00

Operation Writer's Block

First title that came to mind. This is my attempt to make myself a good, or dare I hope, I great writer. And like any other discipline, I will become better at it with practice, and so this is the point of this post. This is the first step of that thousand mile journey, the first few strides of my training for the marathon. If I want to become a writer, I will have to write (or type).

Like any well-executed military operation Writers Block begins with an assessment of my strengths, a study of my capabilities, a review of procedures; a recon mission if you will. And so I have browsed, to whatever point I deemed was relevant for me at this point, several chapters of my underused book Writer's Express, which was actually helpful. i got several ideas by which to train and practice with. Second, I have reread my past works, at least the contents of this blog. I will have to schedule reviewing my written works tomorrow. Rereading my previous entries have told me one thing. Yeah, without a doubt, I am a good writer.

But beyond that narcissistic proclamation of natural ability and affirmation of my God-given talents, that exercise has shown me where I would start, where my strength lies. My writing strength comes from free writing, that unfiltered collision of my thoughts and the keyboard. This is where my wit is revealed, when I don't try to control it. I have noticed, before the unfortunate events of that crappy year that is 2008, that I wrote often, and I wrote freely. My tone was light and my writing voice conversational (which I could tell is not how I am writing now so that is something I am trying to gain back). I was just like talking to my blog. But when 2008 hit, my entries became infrequent and heavy. It was emotional and dark, and it seemed like all entries after that are serious and grave in tone, like I'm trying to explain something carefully. It went from random narratives to deep philosophical dissections of my distressed emotional psyche. The spontaneity disappeared; posts were heavily edited, and wit and sarcasm all but gone.

I think the better writing style of mine was before 2008, when I still could create witty turns of phrases and novel ways of telling the story. And I know it is so because when I recall writing those pieces like Worms of the Heart or Tough Shoes I did it without minimal editing, like it came naturally. But after heartbreak 2008, when I try writing something I remember being so serious, writing and rewriting even the first sentence just trying to get it perfectly.

That's why this post feels like it just runs on, like a Kelvin talking after having 5 cups of coffee. It's because this is a free write, I'm typing everything that comes to mind. I'm trying to break free from that habit I developed of screening my thought and carefully crafting my sentences. I'm not letting myself stop typing, hoping that eventually I will unclog that mental dam that was created from the rubble that 2008 caused and what is now blocking my perfectly fine and entertainingly sarcastic stream of consciousness. I must get him back, that guy that can write oh so naturally.

So what now dear blog? What's the plan? I have already identified my free writing notebook as well as a handy-dandy free-notes notebook for traveling. I have made a date with the Writers Express book for writing some practice articles. But to get ol' conversational writer back I will need practice, so I guess that will be here. I will return to blogging about my random days and fun experiences. This will be my daily stretching of my writing muscles. Can I do it? Will I be able to do it? I hope so. But this I say, Operation Writer's Block has begun, and it will be awesome.

Expect more mundane posts, returning here soon.

2010-07-25T04:10:00.001-07:00

Crisis of Conscience

To stay or to stop CO: that is the question. The past few days I have been tortured by this choice. I have explored all foreseeable consequences, all my motivations, all my reservations and opinions, broken through all my excuses and rationalizations to arrive at the shameful origin of my dilemma and yet I haven’t gotten any closer to arriving at a decision. Thinking about this is agonizing enough that I have started drinking again just to calm myself down.

My excuse at first was that I wouldn’t want to fight with my parents over having to stay in the area being that they don’t like the idea. Now that they told me they’d support me with anything, I found myself suddenly asking if, indeed in the first place, I want to. The problem with me is not just staying in the area, which was simple enough, but actually having to live there for an extended period of time. Suddenly demand of having to leave my comforts, my middle-class life which was starting to and supposed to be trending up, became unreasonable.

The shallow shameful selfish reason

I mean, I love the work, I love helping the people fight for what we believe is just, I love being part of a cause that is bigger than me, but why do I have to sacrifice my comfortable life for it? Why can’t I stay where I am, doing what I do now? Why do I have to go the extra mile and leave my comforts to experience what the people in our communities are experiencing? Isn’t it enough that we understand their plight by seeing it and working with them all day?

Of course there is the answer that it is part of the training, that it is a necessary part of Integration and Social Investigation, to see for ourselves. I’ll give them that, but that for me is the extra mile. For me our integration with the community is enough for us to work effectively within the community.

Having to live in the area to me is leaving all the comforts I’ve come to be accustomed to. I said I have no problem dealing with it, and I have experienced it before so I knew I could, but having to actually ‘live’ like that and not just experience it once in a while, scared me. This is me, the middle-class, who found that the idea of leaving behind my comfortable life terrifying and unnecessary.

Am I ashamed of having come to this realization? Of course I am. But I believe I’ve come to the origin of my current reservations about continuing with the training. It is as selfish a reason as it could get. I ask, why should I go there, when I can still help somehow, but without sacrificing my life, my luxuries? I found myself suddenly hesitant to go that far.

The other reasons

This demand of the program I guess was the tipping point that prompted me to reconsider about continuing. Our group has raised other opinions, concerns and issues regarding the direction we’re taking.

CO is not for us. I think my batchmates and I have reached this consensus pretty early on. We discovered the qualities of organizers, the type of work and demands are incompatible with who we are. For me, the qualities required to be a good CO are a clash with my personality. I find it difficult to push myself to talk randomly with other people. The confrontational aspect of issue-based methodology is another factor. Agitating people, having that fighting attitude, the necessity of inciting conflict confrontation is anathema to a person who prefers to be inconspicuous.

I say I wish that they made it clear that the life of a CO is irregular work hours, irregular work days, that the methodology requires us to pick a fight with authority. When we joined community organizing was pretty simple and straightforward. It’s only lately that I grasped the real meaning of it. That said I would have most probably joined anyway just to try it out.

The work by itself, despite the personality clash, like Abby said, we could do, but the life is a different story. Unfortunately, the CO work and life is the same. I think I’m not ready for this level of commitment and to forego my current life.

The thing here is, if we already have these doubts, somewhere down the line this could develop into unhappiness of our current situation. If we continue and in the end we discovered that we didn’t our decision our regret might turn to resentment, that we will be doing our work half-heartedly and we’ll be dragging ourselves to the area. We might get cranky about simple things. I might start getting drunk in the area just to feel better. Hell I already started drinking.

Reasons to stay

I told ma’am France that our 6-month no-commitment training already puts us in a bad position from the beginning. By then we have grown attached to the people, the area, the cause, our workplace, and to say goodbye to that by our personal decision is difficult. Francis was in the area only 2 weeks and people were already looking for him. Now that we are contemplating leaving half-way we already find ourselves in this difficult position. We cannot just walk away now from the people who we have grown close and have already come to expect something of us. They might grow cynical of people like us who say we want to help but then leave. That is my biggest consideration, it’s not just a personal decision, they are too many people that will get affected by it.

Besides what will they say if we suddenly leave? They’ll think badly of not just us. The reputation of Ateneo will be tarnished. They’ll say ateneans are too weak. Our mentors will look down upon DS students. Sir Leland will skin us alive. Our personal involvement has become too deep that we’ll be damaging relationships when we pull out.

Personally though I love the work, or at least the concept, if not the actual way we go about it. Our PO s are initiating what seems to be a large scale change soon that might benefit a lot of people that I would love to be part of. There is also the environmental aspect of our organization’s work. The erratic nature of my work; the irregular hours, the ever shifting schedules is fun in it’s dynamicity but I must admit it is starting to take its toll. Maybe at this point in my life I want structure and as sense of normalcy more.

The balance of judgment

Simply put our decision is this: go, in order to look out for ourselves because of the seemingly selfish thought that we could be happier doing something else, or stay since we have already made commitments not only to the program but to a lot of people we have come to know.

The crisis of conscience here is that if we go, we’ll be carrying with us the burden of the guilt that we cannot go beyond ourselves, sacrifice our own happiness and have to say goodbye, to all the people we have made connections to.

If we stay and we become unhappy, we’ll be wasting out trainors time and resources doing something half-heartedly, with us having to drag ourselves to do something that we don’t like.

The options

In the course of writing the above paragraphs I have surpassed the surge of emotion that left me writhing in agony about this decision. I thank God that I finally got the sign; I should stay, if only to honor the commitment I made to the program, to not abandon the people so suddenly without a better excuse than my selfish one.

At least this has calmed me down from my torturous dilemma, but when I approached ma’am France about this she threw another curve ball. If we will continue the program and complete the 6-months, TriCorps will be expecting us to stay longer, understandably because by then theoretically they would have invested resources for us to become “real” COs. However, coming from my painful decision making and coming up with the best compromise, taking to account the stuff Sir Leland that I learned from Mon, of us staying and managing our best to work through the last 3 months, we will be taking full advantage of the 6-month escape clause Sir Leland has worked in for us. My argument is that if we already have our doubts as of now, the best we could do is finish our commitment but barring any sudden change in our personal outlook that’s the best we could offer.

The thing here is the investment problem posed by Ms. Jane. Mon, after expressing her doubts, learned of Ms. Jane’s opinion that it is best for both of them if Mon will discontinue the program because it ill not be worth her time and resources to train someone who won’t be fully committed.

Now my plan is pose the same argument to the panel. If TriCorp will expect us to stay but we are adamant that we won’t, and as of now we have already our reservations, will it still be prudent to continue the program? I have just effectively threw the ball in their court. I will have expressed my willingness to work through the rest of my three months, but if I am to leave, which I kinda like to anyway, it will come from their decision, or at least a mutual one. Sneaky? Perhaps.

My first question is if they could find us something else to do, because we would love to continue the work we have already started but not as CO s. If that is really nonnegotiable then, like Mon ,I will continue to help as a volunteer on my own expense and on my own time, without the intent of the training, until I find a different job and I don’t have the time anymore. That’s the best option I could think of.

If I think about it Sir Leland will still push me to go through the program. The argument will be if I would want to help anyway why not just do it as the Trainee CO. My counter would be I would be bound by the requirements of the training and that is the part I don’t like. Other than it would just be an appeal to save face.

But I think now I have already made peace with my decision to stay. I have set my mind to do whatever it is asked of me on my training for the next 3 months. Personally, I love to stop right here, but then, I have made too many commitments, and by principle I have said that I would honor any promise I made.

Despicable me

Negative groundworking? Though it is not my express intent to sow seeds of dissent among my other CO-lleagues I may already infecting them with the idea of their dissatisfaction. As I explore and uncover that they have that spark of doubt and hesitation within them I am already giving it air so that it could start to burn. I articulate their unspoken reservations and give it power to take hold. At the same time, and I will admit this mostly conscious, I will be giving the panel the idea that it is indeed better to let us go already. I’ll be leveraging passions against each other so that the burden of decision will not fall on my shoulders with my loaded arguments. How to load them effectively, now that is another thing….

2010-06-09T07:54:00.000-07:00

Ann’s random story.

Ann telling me a random story at Jun’s b-day got me thinking. What was that about? It’s the subject; it wasn’t something you’d just casually blurt out. Was it some sort of hint or signal? Is there more to it or am I just over thinking? Was it really just a ‘random’ story?

I like AnN, but I haven’t thought about seriously doing something about it. Plan AnN doesn’t go further than intelligence gathering. Integration was successful (haha, use of CO terms concepts begin) was successful during finals week, and after some investigating all I got was that she’s not into relationships or even a hint of wanting one, nor notion of teenage romance; basically, all I sense is this wall. The tentative plan therefore was unchanged: continue casual chats and probing questions at every possible opportunity to see if there are any chinks in that wall or if there is any hint of her responding whilst trying to become closer as friends.

Haven’t been able to see her often this past couple months, but then in Shakeys I managed to talk to her again. It was just small talk, but then she suddenly shared this random story of hers.

It was inconsequential and unnecessary, but the topic only made it curious. It was the type of story that’s significant for you and won’t share unless you want to tell someone else about it as a form of catharsis, in which case it means you are close and trusted enough to be confided with a personal story, or if not, it’s not worth sharing because the other person wouldn‘t understand.

Too bad events cut our talk short and I wasn‘t able to explore more what’s behind the story. But it started troubling me. Was this a sign that she thinks we’re already close enough for her to be able to confide this random personal story of hers? Is she hinting that she really doesn’t entertain thoughts of getting into a relationship even if she likes the guy meaning I have a bug’s chance against a windshield of ever getting anywhere with her? Or in the end, is it really just a random story?

Argh. Girls and their mind games. Next time, groundwork.

2010-05-18T07:51:00.000-07:00

What did I get myself into?

Yesterday was the official start of our 6-month training program as community organizers, and this was the question I was asking myself while I listened to the stories of the veteran organizers that shared to us their first days on the job.

From how they describe it being a community organizer is not an ordinary job. I think the word insidious describes it best. The experienced organizers told us how they go into the urban poor communities and infiltrate them by scouting the layout of the area, making small talk here, randomly chatting up people there, hanging out at the spots where people come together, even going as far as going house to house to strike up a conversation anyway they can. They fabricate identities and establish cover stories so as to be able to talk to people and get them to lower their guard. Their purpose is to try to get a ‘feel’ for the situation of the community by how the residents tell it and to hopefully eventually gain their trust as well. They’ll get known one way or the other; as the friendly newcomer or the overly curious person who people suspect is an NBI asset or drug dealer - but the point is, the people will get to know them and trust them. And then like agents provocateur the locals realize there is something more to these newcomers when finally their covers are blown and they start their work as organizers.

We were all laughing nervously. All the veterans said the same thing: “make 25 contacts a day” and the thought of going us through the same thing daunted us. It even goes against common sense - one would think of approaching barangay officials first if your task is to know the community but no, they purposely don't go to them. Can you imagine what that is like? Going to an area you know nothing about, casually walking up to a stranger and chatting them up, and you have to get to know at least 25 people a day? We sure can’t. I can’t. My policy in life is to remain inconspicuous, to be quiet, to be an observer. No unnecessary interaction. If I will just get to be with a person only for a while I won’t bother establishing a relationship. No attachments, easy to let go. I’m also introverted.

Besides, I don’t wanna lie. Well, not lie to people I don’t know. Making cover stories, fabricating identities doesn’t sit well for me. Starting of relationships by deception doesn’t sound right. Well at least, when we thought about it, we won’t go through that same method. The veterans will already be established in the area and we could introduce ourselves as their trainees. But the thought of what the first-time organizers did still amazes me.

2010-03-31T08:43:00.000-07:00

A Blue Rose for…

Ok so the Blue Rose is an actual rose, given during the Blue Roast event as a way for seniors to express their hidden feelings, whatever form or degree it may be, to a certain someone. The rose maybe given to the guy or girl someone had a crush on since 1st year but never had the chance to talk to. A friend who never had a clue you felt that way. Whatever the example and no matter what Mon says, it is understood to have a romantic meaning to it, more or less. It is the chance to say something and avoid regret.

I didn’t give my Blue rose to anyone. And its not because there are no special girls during my college life. On the contrary, there are many that I want to give one to, but since I can’t give them all one - and I bet you’ll think it’s stupid - I thought it best not to give to anyone.

They are the ones who at some point in college I had a crush on. But even then that term doesn’t quite explain it all. I had feelings for them yes, in whatever form, for one reason or another I didn’t choose to do anything about it. I chose to keep them as friends. Regrets? I'll have to wait a few years to find out.

So if I had the chance, I would love to have given a blue rose to the girl who kept me company early morning before class for a year.

One to the girl I met on the beach, and the one I was with when I saw my first shooting star.

Certainly a rose to the only girl who can make me stop in awe whenever I see her, though I never got to talk to her.

Of course I would give one to the only girl who I admitted I feelings to.

One to the girl I stayed awake with waiting for the sunrise, and another to the girl I talked and walked with on a dark street one cold windy night

And perhaps too to the girl I danced with on a rooftop while the sun was setting

to the girl who I walked with in a garden as all the lights went out.

One to the girl I gave my heart to, even though she broke it.

Whoever these girls end up with are some of the luckest bastards in the world

2010-03-17T08:27:00.000-07:00

On the Brink of Graduation

So I haven't blogged about anything since Ketsana (yes, I like that name better). Chalk it up to lazyness for not writing anything down, but I did have alot of blog-worthy experiences that I could have reflected on that went by these past 6 months. There's the week to the death and funeral of J's mom, J's birthday, the decision to not got to pampanga that I regret, the useless HS alumni general assembly, doing my thesis, the uneventful Christmas season, the job fair, my fun trainwreck orals in theology, going through accounting class and getting a B for doing nothing and of course, what it's like to be a graduating college senior, with the future and all that.

At least of all those I was planning to make blogs about old friends and broken bridges, career planning and a special Blue rose post. And of those most probably I'll make the Blue rose one because it is the easiest. I guess I haven't written anything senior syndrome related because it hasn't sunken in yet that I'll be thrown volently in to the real world in a few weeks. That I'll be leaving the life I've just gotten around to getting used to. That 4 years of college is indeed over. That and I have plenty of distraction from anime to my friends occasional drama.

So what now dear blog? Where do I start writing again? I actually don't know. Well, let's see. It seems like I will have plenty of time in my hands for a while.

2009-08-30T08:01:00.000-07:00

AD 2009

I haven't posted anything recently here, partly because now I'm managing 3 blogs and I just forgot to repost some here, but mostly because I haven't gotten the inclination to update on my personal life, even though so much has happened. I'll mark the start of AD 2009 around the time of ASOG summer practicum. I can't say there was a specific date, but I remember the moment I realized it: at the business lounge at NAIA, when I was staring at a freezer of FREE beer, and I passed it up.

Well you won't understand the significance of that unless you know what I was like 4-6 months before then. I finally understood why people would drink to drown their sorrows; because for some reason it really works. I didn't need to be passed out drunk. Just drinking made me feel better, and being inebriated was just icing on the cake. I would never pass up alcohol and I'll get as much of it as I can. Beer became my favorite drink, and so in that moment where I didn't get the overwhelming urge to grab a cold can and down it on site was significant. A month back and I wouldn't care that it was 5 am - it was free and thus fair game.

It was then that I can say I finally got over it, being with good friends and traveling the country. But then after that, maybe until now, I came to a period that I would put in the words 'meh'. I wasn't interested in anything. My mind was blank. I'm not browsing for anything on the internet. I haven't blogged anything for a while and I'm not making a big deal about the lasts of my college life. I was just going through the motions of daily life. I was NR - no reaction. NR to life. And it sort of made sense, because after climbing out of the rut I dug myself in the past year, I found myself in a psychological plateau, or it’s like after climbing I just dropped dead from exhaustion.

Or if you want the emo version, I felt bad for so long I forgot how to feel anything else.

And so that's the short story of what has happened in my personal life these past 6 months. I'm still, or at least I feel like I'm in the end stages of the meh phase. I mean alot of things has/is happening. Practicum, immersion, first sem of senior year, 21 units, thesis, new friends, old friends, problems, J's problems, and more things that I don't bother to blog about. But let's see. the Bers are starting again and maybe AD 2009 will pick up speed soon.

2009-07-28T17:33:00.000-07:00

Peace of Mind

Amongst the many memorable experiences related to our immersion in the 7 Lakes area in Laguna, my favorite one would be sleeping in the middle of the lake. My foster family had a hut in the middle of the lake to watch over their fishpens. Tatay Pando offered it as a place to sleep for the night, an offer I was all too eager to take.

From the moment we rowed out into the darkness I felt as if I was at home in the lake. The tranquility was profound. You could hear everything; your own breath, the gentle swoosh of the oar, the quiet slosh of the banca slicing through water, the flapping of bird wings, the fish swimming near the surface - and at the same time, nothing.

I wasn't alone of course. Our OSCI formator Kuya Raffy and my buddy Angelo were kind of dragged along, and Christian rowed us there. They went in the small room and slept almost immediately, but I didn't. I wanted to stay up as long as possible, and if I was going to sleep I'd do it outside, on one of the benches barely covered by the hut.

From all the noise of daily urban and academic life, the silence being in the middle of the lake that night was almost breathtaking in its serenity. The lake surface was so still as if it was a mirror, and the squares of the fishpens divided it and made it look like as if it was a pane of stained glass, reflecting the mountains that were silhouetted by the lights from the houses at its' base and the sky bright from stars that could only shine away from the cities. I was staring at this picturesque view from the bench where I lay, my feet pointing out the porch and so it was as if I had a magnificent wall painting at my feet. Under the small roof, with the whole lake at my feet and nothing but a net on my right side to keep me from falling into the water, it was my closest to sleeping under the stars. I stayed up as long as I can and tried to burn that image into my memory.

The silence was only broken by the occasional bird and sound of fish making more fish. The gentlest of breezes made for a cool night. In the darkness, and silence, in the middle of nature's tranquility, I found peace and a quiet mind. I just tried to enjoy it as much as I can, because I knew it wouldn't last.

2009-05-27T08:01:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday was the scheduled run of the COMELEC’s local visits for voters registrations at our village, and so of course having pondered when is the best time to pay a visit to the municipal hall and go through the long process of getting registered, I took this opportunity to finally get it done and with less hassle (example of procrastination paying off).

It was scheduled from 8-am to 5pm, and although I got there right after breakfast there were already a lot of people lined up. Try to picture this: an enclosed covered court (like this: []), one half of which is just for picking up the registration form. The line for this simple process runs along the wall of the half court (the upper half of this [] ), and then doubles back when it reaches the end to form a second row along the wall. Judging by the pace it would have taken me more than 2 hours to get a form, which was kind of ok for me since I got all morning. Then I saw someone I knew, way ahead of the line, and I thought of how long he must have waited (and still had to wait). Still more than a hundred people between us, he almost at his turn to get the form and me getting fired up for some competition, I stood up and approached a friendly COMELEC officer. A little asking, a little explaining, a little ID showing and voila, I got my form and skipped about 2 hours more of waiting in line, ahead of my friend.

I hurried over to the other half of the covered court to widen my lead some more. It was here that people filled up the form that took hours for them to get. I started answering, and embarrassingly I had to pause to think about what to write in “city/municipality”. I figured it out a sec later, but it was 1 more than it should have taken. More on that later.

After accomplishing the form and after the place where they add other information only COMELEC people knew, I headed straight for line for the picture taking. I already know that getting my voter’s ID was next to impossible, so I thought this, the other half of the 6 hours of the whole registration process, was useless. They only had one camera which meant they could only accommodate 1 person at a time. The line stretched for another 1 and a half hour. You know, if they had two cameras it would have gone twice as fast, but apparently they didn’t think of that. I got to the line, 6 persons ahead of my friend who when he saw me asked “how did you get ahead of me?!” All I did was wave and smile, though what I really wanted to do was shout “In your face!!!1!111!1!1!!!!” so the whole court would hear.

If you think about it, this process shouldn't even last half an hour.

Back to municipalities. I never really cared or understood the distinction of cities and municipalities. I only got to appreciate (notice) the supposed relative autonomy of provinces and municipalities during my first practicum/working tour of the Philippines. Maybe because for those living at the national capital like me, local government units lose their distinction since we are right beside the seat of government, or LGUs actions are lost in the noise coming from the congress or I just haven’t had a chance to do business with our municipality which made it invisible to me. I always thought that Cainta, Angono, Antipolo, Binangonan etc. were just names for places. Only when out to the far provinces did I see the importance of municipalities. Being so far away from Manila people turn to their local government units for support and services.

However these LGUs are still dependent on the national government. They wait for information materials to be brought to them before they can distribute them. There are like colonies waiting for word from their masters in Manila. That’s why I say give the LGUs more freedom since they are the ones who know the reality of their respective localities. They should be capable of more independent action and not reliant on the national government which is bogged down by endless political bickering. That’s why I believe that Federalism is the way for the Philippines. Decentralized autonomous states or provinces, able to decide and act on their own, according to their own unique realities. Even with little traveling you will realize how diverse the Philippines really is. Drive two hours away from Manila in any direction and you’ll get to a place where people already speak another dialect. Drive two hours more and the dialect changes yet again. Unity in diversity, like what the EU says (EU subjects kicking in), not forceful integration into one homogenous national identity.

2009-05-14T09:04:00.000-07:00

Lucky

Being that I am typing (typed) this alone, in the deathly silence of my second practicum here in the office of the Foundation for Philippine Environment, and doing nothing but breathe and listen to the clock count the seconds till the end of the day 5 and a half hours away, I guess now is the best time to reminisce about my amazing adventure in my first practicum.

What did we do? We created a survey for the UNDP under the Ateneo School of Government to find out people’s perception and awareness level concerning climate change, the output of which will be the Philippines‘ official communication to the UN. Using that we blitzed through north Luzon, tested the survey first in Pampanga before we headed to Cagayan and then worked our way down through Isabela, Ifugao and Benguet. We didn’t stay in one place too long; we came, we interviewed, then we left for the next place, at most staying only 2 nights. A day after this grueling weeklong trip of 6 - 12 hour bus rides every other day some of us left immediately south to do the same thing over again, hitting Visayas at Bohol and Leyte and then Surigao Del Norte in Mindanao, crossing seas when summer storms were hitting the Philippines left and right.

You see I’ve always wanted to travel. My mom is a traveler and I guess I got that itch to see new places from her. However, we don’t. We don’t have the luxury to go to tourist spots on a whim, and we don’t even bother thinking about going abroad for vacations. Where my cousins half my age and close friends are already seasoned international travelers, I’ve yet to even leave Luzon island, not even had the chance to step foot on another island like Corregidor (and don’t give me that ‘but Corregidor is part of Luzon’. I said Luzon island, not the Luzon political boundary). For the longest time my world was just home and school, and the trips to certain of metro manila I had to go to out of necessity were already a treat of a new adventure. Even going to the province only happened every 2 or more years. That’s why when I hit college I started taking every opportunity to go out there, joining ESS and volunteering for orgs like GK and ISO. I wanted to go as far away as I can.

The opportunity arose when sir Leland recommended ISO and CCEFI as a practicum. Both are supposedly 1 month immersions. I’ve already experienced working with ISO, and the CCEFI thing was exciting - be based in Cebu for a month to work in community-based coastal resource management. I wanted to go, but like I said to sir; I want to travel, the question is if I’ll be allowed to. Being an only child requires a lot of negotiating with the parents especially when it comes to traveling and being away from home for long periods of time. Not only are they apprehensive concerning the duration and distance, being fieldwork is tiring and me showing that I’m vulnerable to asthma attacks during my trips already, they are also concerned with the finances. Enrolling in 2 subjects in summer was bad enough ( library fee being so high when we’re not gonna use it because we’ll be working), they cringe at the idea of the living expenses being posted that long that far. I wasn’t too bummed when they advised against taking either practicum; I already thought it was unlikely anyway, but here was another opportunity to leave Luzon island, which is my present goal contentment-for-the-moment-when-achieved, slipping by.

This became a topic between me and my mom one lunch. I told her of my imperative to leave Luzon as soon as possible. She tried to reassure me with the talk of being able to see the world in due time, that I shouldn’t rush it, and be patient and just wait till it comes - which had the opposite effect to what she intended. I became riled up; patience?! I say life is short and we don’t know what will happen tomorrow; I won’t wait for something to come when I can seize its. Now see this kind of straight talk about the fickleness of fate makes my mom terribly uncomfortable, but I’ve this impatience for life since being on the brink when I caught dengue (and several other instances between then and now which only, shall we say, reinforced that notion), and having gone through philo class and Heidegger I can now openly talk about it and just blame it on what I learn in school.

Then an alternative came when sir Leland recommended that I join a project an alumni approached him about. We’ve seen the email calling for volunteers, and I would have joined in a heartbeat if we didn’t have practicum. It never occurred to any of us that it could be a one, until sir Leland recommended it. It promised expense-paid fieldwork, but no exact details, and it was environmental. I took it, or rather sir Leland threw me there and all I had to do was say yes.

I started even before the sem officially ended. After the stress we went through Research Methods class, it was kinda annoying to find ourselves in the same kind of work. We talked about developing research instruments and properly made surveys and methodologies and tabulating and analyzing SPSS results, but since we were also talking about sampling in the provinces we were looking forward to fieldwork. The project had 18 target provinces, and as I was telling this to my parents while pointing out the possibilities over a large Philippine map, my mom was getting excited. And in a sort of half-gloating, half-consoling way, and in an all too Filipino manner of murdering English sayings she said ‘see, when one door closes, a window opens’. And like a good son who corrects his parents out of love while dismissing a wise counsel at the same time I said ‘mom, you mean another door opens’. While this was true I was still hung up on the opportunity to go leave Luzon passing me by. My mom said ‘you’ll get that opportunity again. For now you get to explore Luzon before you explore the rest of the Philippines and then the world. Baby steps.’

Talk about baby steps! In the space of 3 weeks I’ve managed to visit 8 provinces plus 2 more by virtue of being there to get to another province (bus stopovers not counted), 9 of which for the first time. I got to see the Banaue Rice Terraces which was spectacular, and even if I didn’t get to see the Chocolate Hills or a single tarsier in Bohol I don’t really mind because I got my first plane ride (at business class at that) and that alone is enough for me. Now I can say that I’ve finally left Luzon now that I’ve gone to both Visayas and Mindanao in a week. Then it was also my first time to visit provincial capitols, to spend the night in a government office; first time to interview Filipinos speaking another dialect; first time on an inter-island boat, on a RoRo, and in an ambulance (and thank God it wasn’t for real). We spent more than 30 hours stiff and unmoving in buses. We ran through heavy rains in Baguio without umbrellas. I slipped somewhere and got laughed at by a friend. We crashed a political family’s party. We got to cruise on a river and jump in another one that was getting higher by the second because of the rains. It was an extreme road trip/tour of the Philippines where I got to see what our country looks like away from the modernity of Manila, and what an amazing point of view and insights it gives. We got a glimpse of how most Filipinos live. And it was with awesome company, which made it an ultimate barkada outing (UBO). And all this basically for the price of one summer class.

I told someone once that I had a plan to get an all-expense paid trip to Europe by junior year. Well, I didn’t quite make it to Europe. But this was the same person who jokingly said that while she was touring the Europe, I was touring the Philippines. I’m sure it became truer than both of us thought it can be. At least this time, I’m proud of that comparison.

I’ve been lucky. Lucky to have been where I have been. And recalling the shenanigans and the extreme weather, lucky to be home again. I’m not jealous of those who will hit the other 10 provinces and repeat what we did while we spent day in and day out in the same office - well, I might be a little bit. But I’m already content with what I’ve got to experience so far. And if staying in this freezing office whose only sound is the aircon running and fingers typing is the balance for that awesome adventure then, I’ll serve my time here with a smile.

I just have to say, FPE has some excellent coffee.

2009-01-12T07:42:00.000-08:00

The Universe

During my brief time in a long-distance relationship I mused to a girl on the other side of the world how every song I hear talks about separation and waiting. She said that's always the case and there is no meaning in that.

Sometime ago an elder shared how we just attach meanings to things, in a sense we create and select what we choose to believe.

Then if that's the case, then call me an idiot for believing that we can find meaning in the Universe, that it seems like we our embedded in a story where every object in it holds a meaning and all you have to do is interpret it, That there is a theme that guides our lives.

Because now with what I have failed to put into words I am hearing songs not anymore of separation and waiting, but songs that seem to exactly explain how I feel. I hear a remake/revival of one particular song by 2 artists at the same, a song by Mariah Carrie, a couple of other artists and songs even SpongeCola has helped to express what I feel but couldn't say.

Where I'm now reading a blogpost by a friend that seems to give comfort and wisdom by sharing quotes and company to those who are brokenhearted.

and where my Philosophy lessons are giving insights and helping me think about the situation in ways I couldn't have normally thought about.

And the cold breeze ties it all together.

Everything around me is helping me to to figure out what I need. Such is the Universe, a mirror that reflects ourselves.
~~~~
Listing the songs for future reference

#1. If You're Not The One by Daniel Bedingfield, revived by Nikki Gil and someone

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

Chorus:

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

*Repeat Chorus

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

*Repeat Chorus

#2 Break even by Script
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cause I got time while she got freedom
Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her 1st
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Chorus:

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But not wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

*Repeat Chorus
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm trying make sense of what little remains
Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

*Repeat Chorus
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)

#3 'Di na Mababawi by Spongecola

Ngayo'y aking inuunawang pilit
Mga pagkukulang kong iyong ginigiit
Sana'y malaman mo na tanging ikaw lamang
Ang aking iniintindi

Nakatanim pa sa'king ala-ala
Pangako mong mananatili ka
Kaya't paglisan mo'y naiwan ang pusong ito
Na ngayo'y bitin na bitin

Chorus:

'Di mo na mababawi iniwang sakit
Sa mga salitang binitiwan mo
Hindi ba't ikaw na rin ang nagpasya, nagtakda
At siyang unang umiwas
Bakit nga ba ako 'yong pinaasa?

Nasa aking guniguni malamig mong tinig
Kasabay ng hanging na dumarampi
Na para bang ika'y nariyan sa aking paligid
Tahimik na nagmamasid

*Repeat Chorus

Nahulog na'ng mga ulap, buwan at araw, mga bituwin
Ang ginugol na panaho'y na saan? (panaho'y na saan)
'Di ba't sayang naman? (Di ba't sayang naman)
Giliw yeah yeah yeah yeah

Ngunit di mo na mababawi iniwang sakit
Sa mga salitang binitiwan mo
Hindi ba't ikaw na rin ang nagpasya, nagtakda
At siyang unang umiwas
Bakit nga ba ako 'yong pinaasa? 2x

#4 I Stay in Love by Mariah Carey

Oh, baby
Baby
I stay in love with you

Dying inside cause
I can't stand it
Make up a break up
Can't take this madness
We don't even
Really know why
All I know is baby
I try and try so hard
To keep our love alive

If you dont' know me
At this point
Then I highly
Doubt you ever will
I really need you
To give me
That unconditional love
I used to feel
It's no mistaking
We're just erasing
From our hearts
And minds

[Chorus:

And I know we said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby
I stay in love with you

And I keep on
Telling myself
That you'll come
Back around
And I try to front
Like "oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now
No matter what I do
But baby, baby
I stay in love with you]

Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na, na, na
Na, na, na
Baby
I stay in love with you

It cuts so deep
It hurts down to my soul
My friends tell me
I ain't the same no more
We still need each other
When we stumble and fall
How we gon' act
Like what we had
Ain't nothin' at all now

Hey
What I wanna do is
wish i got next to you
With the top down
Like we used to
Hit the block
Proud in the SUV
We both know
Our heart is breaking
Can we learn
From our mistakes
I can't last
One moment alone
Now go I know

*Repeat Chorus 2x

I stay in love
Love
Oh, I stay in love

2009-01-08T06:46:00.000-08:00

The Top 9 Places on My Travel List

Only 9 because I can’t think of a tenth. I have this thing of “not going with the crowd”. I don’t like ‘popular’ and ‘famous’ things that generate hype and masses of fans around them, like the way I don’t like Twilight and Harry Potter, and like have no excitement at going to a place like Boracay. One because there are a lot of people there, and because I want to see the hidden splendours of the world, the ones only a few people know about, especially the natural ones. So the places on my list are not exactly the popular tourist destinations.

Though there are many places I want to go and visit, these 9 places are the only ones that I have this weird unexplainable feeling of being compelled to go to.

1. Hall of Mirrors. Château de Versailles. France

I was enchanted when I first saw and heard about the Hall of Mirrors, and actually now I can’t remember why. It was some years ago, and when I look at pictures of it now I can’t remember the reason why I wanted to see it so badly. Maybe because it’s in France, the one country I’ve loved to go to, and its setting in history during the old times of royalty and nobility. It keeps the top spot in my list for the reason that it was the first place I actually put on my list.

Not exactly on my list, but since we are in France, might as well visit the Millau Bridge. World’s Tallest Vehicular Bride, slightly taller than the Eiffel Tower. Must have incredible views; I’d love the chance to walk through it. Sorry, no Eiffel Tower for me.

2. Iguazu Falls. Border of Brazil and Argentina.

Breathtaking Falls. Everyone Talks of Niagara Falls. Iguazu makes the Niagara look like an overflowing bathtub. Even Eleanor Roosevelt was even reportedly to have exclaimed "Poor Niagara!" at the sight of it.

And since we are comparing a US landmark to a Brazilian one, might as well throw in there the Itaipu Dam, another place I’d like to see since I’d be in the neigborhood anyway. Hoover dam? Please. If you wanna say dam, go and check out Itaipu

3. The Graduate Institute. Geneva. Switzerland

Hehe. New addition. When I attended the talk regarding the further studies opportunity presented by the Graduate Institute, I was twitching in excitement. It combined all the things I wanted and loved to do; go to Europe, learn French, and study Development Studies. Not to mention the campus has the awesome view of Lake Geneva, and Switzerland is home to the Alps and gives a springboard to travel to other parts of Europe, taking a Masters in the Graduate Institute definitely became an opportunity I’m looking forward to.

(View of Lake Geneva)

4. Rome. Italy.

Probably the only ‘truly’ tourist destination in my list. What can I say, Rome is just that awesome. I’d like to go there because the Romans had that mentality I think highly of where they capture splendor in sculptures, statues and monuments that defy time. The Colosseum, Circus Maximus, the Trevi fountain. They had the right idea of capturing magnificence. I love to see cities adorned by monuments and grand iconic structures. It gives you that feeling of grandeur. Think Lord of the Rings.. See, we don’t have that in the Philippines, or most of the World nowadays for that matter.

(Trevi Fountain)

Only other place that I would like to visit that has that 'grand feeling' would be Rio de Janeiro with the statue of Christ the Redeemer overlooking the city. Awesome statue with equally awesome location. I'd like to see it, but not in this list because I don't have that feeling of being compelled to

5. Kremlin. Moscow. Russia.

Everybody wants to go the USA. I ask why? I wanna go to Russia - mostly just because everybody wants to go to the US. I want to go and stand on Red Square and see the Kremlin. You hear people say Washington or the White House as a synonym for the US government in high politics. That’s supposed to be intimidating, a house that practically stands as a symbol for racism? (Well not now since Obama is there) Now take the Kremlin; seat of the government of Russia, the power that challenged the United States, a fortress, with a name that’s intimidating by itself. See, beside the Kremlin stands St. Basil’s Cathedral, a church, distinct in the skyline through its onion shaped domes. Now what’s distinct in the skyline of the US capital? A giant phallic symbol. I’d also like to see a Russian Military parade.

(Red Square, with Kremlin to the right)

(St. Basil's Cathedral)

6. The Aurora.
Not a particular place by itself, because the Auroras manifest in the skies above the polar latitudes. I want to just find a place where I can just lay there and watch it. Stargazing made even better. It’s hard to believe these images are real.

7. Plitvice Lakes. Croatia

I bet you haven’t heard of this place. The Plitvice Lakes are a series of lakes interconnected by spectacular waterfalls. The lakes are renowned for their distinctive colours, ranging from azure to green, grey or blue. The colours change constantly depending on the quantity of minerals or organisms in the water and the angle of sunlight. Breath taking I would imagine.

8. Catatumbo river at Lake Maracaibo. Venezuela

Also another place I bet you haven’t heard. The Catatumbo River is home to Venezuela’s Everlasting Storm, an almost permanent lightning storm, 160 nights a year, 10 hours a night, and as many as 280 times an hour. It’s even called the Maracaibo Beacon as light has been used for navigation by ships for ages. Because it can be seen up to 400 km away. I wanna find a spot and just watch it all night. I wonder if there is any thunder.

9. New Zealand

Because that is where Lord of the Rings and Narnia was filmed! And if you don’t know, the landscape is just breathtaking. And of course, there aren’t many people in New Zealand.

(Set from the Lord of The Rings)

2008-12-17T07:05:00.000-08:00

The World Turns Cold on my Birthday

It's at the start of the Simbang Gabi where the breeze turns cold for Christmas, and this year, on my birthday it was just a little bit colder. So we us three talked it out, almost a month ago on J's birthday, November 23, and all this time I don't understand. I don't understand their explanations and reasons. They cleared up some stuff, but in the end I don't understand it all.

Our talk cleared up the hurt J and I shared, the fact that they didn't tell us. They said they didn't because they knew how we'd feel and how we'll react, and so chose to wait for the 'right time'. That is, waited so long that eventually I found out first before they got the chance to tell me. Well, they waited till the world knew and it only became a matter time. That's what I don't understand. They only made the bad news exponentially worse, and I don't understand how they couldn't imagine how it hurts to hear it from some stranger instead of straight from your friends.

I couldn't understand the rest of their reasons. Maybe because I was angry, or I couldn't think straight because of the emotion of the moment. With regards to why they did, my best friend said something about her new 'culture' from Europe. You think that's an excuse? I couldn't remember exactly the rest of his reasons but all of it sounded shallow and weak to me.

Come to think of it, he was the one I should have talked to more. But it came down between me and my issues with her. So we talked, and I said all that I wanted to say, that is everything I have up to that point. And like my best friend, I didn't understand her. But it felt good getting all those stuff off my chest. The anger disappeared, but what I was left it was emptiness. Without the anger I finally felt the pain of what they did.

I talked with my parents about this whole story, and they each pointed out a thing I didn't see before. My mom said the couple felt worse than I did. I had to laugh, but she explained that they will never be completely happy together because their guilt will come between them. I had to admit, she may be right, and this is me being bitter; I do hope that's true.

Both of them, she and my best friend, both said this line, in consolation: "We understand how you feel."

You understand how I feel?

Have you loved someone so much that when you said you were willing to wait you were serious?

Have you felt how it is to miss someone that you haven't seen for months, having only the thought of her returning in the future to hold on to?

Do you know how it feels to wait for three years for someone you know is having fun with other guys?

How about to feel led on knowingly by that girl you have waited for years only for her to turn to your best friend who knows how you felt about that girl in the space of a month?

Trusting and baring your heart out to your best friend only for him to step on it as a matter of convenience to get to the one you love?

Looking like a fool to everyone you know because your best friend misled you?

How about feel betrayed and abandoned and stepped on by the two friends that were like your brother and sister?

How about feeling that all that happened because it was all your fault for loving, hanging on, trusting, hoping, in the first place?

No, you will never know how I feel.

2008-10-22T08:01:00.000-07:00

The Twist

I guess I should write about this whole affair once and for all. The past two installments of this story I’ve rewritten to practically to forgive and forget about everything. But now the story has taken a weird twist. It’s not really about my best friend getting together with my ex-girlfriend. That by itself is alright with me. But it’s that considering my relationships and history with them, they didn’t even bother to tell me personally. Just shows how much they value me as a friend.

Background of the past 5 months. She came back June, and for that month and July I was glad because she was back and we were hanging out a lot. I escorted her around campus and went out with her to meet old friends, which included my best friend. Soon we three were hanging out, watching movies together. They’d always call me to join them in the mall or at her house after my classes. Then sometime in July I found myself waiting for their invites which never came. I chalked this up to them being busy, since she always is and he is a nurse-in-training. But soon I found out that they still were going out without me. I felt a little left out, but ignored it since they said that they just bump into each other in the mall, not as if they were forgetting about me. This was the month she changed.

Where in the first month she was the one texting me and asking me to help her and stuff, my contact with her suddenly disappeared. She stopped texting, and I didn’t see her for a month. I taught this was just her being engrossed in school, but then I learn that she and my best friend have still been going out during that time. What was I to think? I became angry because I suddenly felt that she was using me. Looking back I saw that all the things that involved me had a reason. She started text convos; she was bored. She asked me to accompany her home, I did. I was her campus guide until she met her blockmates. She was curiously affectionate one night; I learn that it was their monthsary (then Swiss bf). What, I was stand-in bf for the night because she was lonely? I got angry and I talked to my best friend about it. Well like a good best friend he agreed with what I said. He said that he also found it weird that they were hanging out without me, and in this regard he echoed some of my contempt of how she was acting. In this conversation too we talked about how he wanted to court our mutual friend, which we shall call J. J was 2 batches lower and was like a little sister to all of us, which presented the difficulty. J’s parent’s knew of our relationship and I guess disapproved his attempts and wanted them to remain friends. I think J feels the same way, or is just wary of the implications arising from taking their relationship to the next level. Back to my side of the story, later that week I confronted her about how I felt like I existed only if she needed something. In the ensuing drama she explained that I was making a big deal out of it, that it was complicated, that it was just normal, and that she was just really busy and that just because she wasn’t talking to me anymore doesn’t she was ignoring me or forgetting me. I let it go after hearing that from her. I realized there was indeed a reason for her every move on me, I just made the mistake of thinking that it was conscious and intentional.

A month went by where I tried to make it normal again while respecting her busy nature by not imposing too much. But it was becoming apparent that she was avoiding me. She doesn’t receive any of my messages for a week but when she starts and I reply and there’s no problem. Then one night I come home and see them together from one of their mall trips*. She was too busy to talk to me but apparently not busy to go out with my best friend who’s studying nursing? I got pissed off again. Same thought. She, no they, were disregarding me. I came home ranting, and my parents tried to calm me down by, of all things, saying that’s it’s ok. They might have a relationship already. I found the idea preposterous. I told them it’s impossible, I know who my best friend likes (that’ll be J ) and if it indeed it was true, they’re my friends and they would have told me. The idea did come into my mind for a second but I dismissed it immediately. Next day I came home and got a trike ride beside one of the guys me and my best friend used to play with in the local pub who knew me, but who’s name escapes me. We passed by her house and this guy asked me if the girl who lives there is my best friend’s girlfriend, because he saw them together. I told him the same thing I told my parents, but that time I thought that it was indeed true. I still thought that if it was, they would have told me.

Few days later, I met J and she told me if ‘I knew’. Then I knew. They were together indeed. Surprisingly I wasn’t angry, nor was I heartbroken. It was more of indifference. Contempt that they didn’t even bother to tell me personally. J said that both of them didn’t know how to tell both of us because they knew how we would react. They had been a couple going on 3 weeks. That means they were already together went I went to my best friend’s house and talked him about why she texted all of a sudden that night and echoed my irk that she never texts unless she needs something. And that night when I bumped into them after their trip to the mall*. I guess they told J because they knew she would tell me so they wouldn‘t have to do it themselves.

My best friend is one of the few people who knew how I felt. He was one that I was comfortable to open up and tell exactly how I felt about her. I seriously never saw it coming. I thought they were just friends hanging out, and I trusted him to take care of her and I was ok with that. Discounting the notion that as a best friend you don’t get together with the girl your friend has feelings for even though she is his ex-girlfriend as a concept that doesn’t exist in Philippine culture, at least as a friend he would have told me something was happening instead of just riding on whatever I say to him regarding what I thought of her. He was agreeing with me even if something was already going on between them. What the hell.

She knew too how I felt about her. She told me that nothing was wrong, that she wasn’t purposely ignoring me and that both of them weren’t forgetting about me, and that them hanging out without me was just a matter of coincidence and whatever twist of circumstance and that was just normal. She said she was busy and that she didn’t receive my messages. Bare-faced lies.

I’m angry because both of them played me a fool all this months. They strung me along, pretended right to my face. I looked stupid in front them, in front of my friends, in front of my parents, even in front of J‘s parents. I asked her about the whole thing just a while ago. She said it was the complicated thing she told me about I talked to her about having a reason for everything having to do with me. It all makes sense now. There was a reason for avoiding me, and it was my best friend. And this just makes me all the more the fool for not seeing it. I’m angry because I was practically the last to know. I had to learn about this whole affair from a stranger, rather from them. Don’t I deserve to hear it from my ‘friends‘? Apparently not.

I never saw it coming because all this time I knew that my best friend still liked J and that he was intending to move. I know my best friend has a history of moving on girls two at a time or even when he is presently in a relationship. J told me that she was surprised because when he told her how long they’ve been going out, she remembers that during that time my best friend was still making the moves on her. I wonder if my best friend’s new girl friend knows about this.

She being the object of my naïve undying love for the past two years has been known by my friends who I have told my long love story too. And through the course of my numerous story telling I’ve encountered comments about her. “She is just using you”, “she probably had a guy already when she broke up with you”, “maybe she’s collecting boyfriends”. My answer to those were “she’s not like that” or “of course she won’t do that.” Her history speaks for itself - three bfs in a year with little or no time in between them. All these people have told me her less than desirable approach to men and relationships and I kinda knew it too, but I wouldn’t hear it. I even defended her. I put her on a pedestal and I didn’t want to believe these ugly comments, or I refused to see the truth. I can’t believe of all people, I would be one blinded by love.

I wonder if they knew the possible consequences of their actions, or if these consequences even exist, or if they cared. Of course they knew J and I would react in some way, or else they wouldn’t have hesitated, or in my case didn’t at all, to tell us. How I would act they wouldn’t know. Actually, even I don’t know how I will act. These are my closest friends, but I feel betrayed. Do you know how it will feel to be a third wheel to the girl you love and your best friend? It’s painfully awkward. I love them both, but what they did isn’t easily forgivable. In the possible debate of who is right I won’t have any supporters. All my high school friends are friends with both of them, and they’ll side with the couple. I’m tied to my HS friends through them, so if I alienate myself from them, I’ll be burning close to all the ties to my high school friends, save for a few. But, I can’t pretend that everything is alright for me. Frankly I’m tired of acting, and I’m tired of being made the fool. I’ve resolved to cut all my ties with them even if that means destroying our friendships and isolating myself from my high school friends, because to me, those two did it themselves. It’s not like they’ll miss me.

And so begins another melodramatic Christmas season. This is becoming an unholy pattern.

2008-10-12T08:50:00.001-07:00

1st Sem of the last half of my College life

This semester has got to be the worst for my academic life. Well, I knew it was going to be 3 weeks in. That early I said to myself, “this sem is screwed up, I’ll just ride it out and change and put all my effort next sem.” And that’s what I did. Finals week became damage control just to prevent the bad grades I’m expecting from becoming worse.

The semester started well actually. Philo seemed fun, Theology under Dacanay was intimidating in a good way, and my DS subjects were interesting, of course.. But then this whole personal problem thing took effect and my whole life got derailed. All these distractions. Include the fact that I got into playing DotA more, which I admit I became an unhealthy habit; given a choice between working on an assignment or studying, or playing a game, I would almost always choose to play then cram on my academics later. Here’s how I messed up this semester.

Like I said Philo seemed fun. My teacher was funny in a way that he explained concepts using stupid stories from the past or layman’s analogies, which made the class lively and understanding easy. However soon the readings became more and more of an headache to read, and as the concepts became more and more abstract my resistance to subject increased with it. With the lessons hitting a brick wall in my head I found my mind slipping in class, which to me is like leaving a computer idle; sooner or later it will power down and hibernate. And that’s what happened. One day I fell asleep in class and for the rest of the semester I spent more time asleep than I was awake and listening. Which is bad because whatever easy-to-understand explanation sir Pasco gave in class was wasted on me. When time came for long tests and papers that involves philosophizing, I lacked the knowledge to explain it save for whatever term I think I heard in my dreams or what I remember getting a glimpse of in the blackboard in the times I am awake to shift to a more comfortable sleeping position. And philo finals was technically my first real orals. I had a week to study all the concepts I slept through the whole semester, which I wasted. I studied 9 thesis statements from scratch 7 hours before the orals. Come orals time I just said all the things I can think off even remotely related to the thesis statement. End grade, C+.

I would say my favorite class this semester would be Theology. Fr. Dacanay kept the class attentive with an unholy mix of fear and entertainment. Who knew a priest could have so many sex jokes be crass with it too. What he taught wasn't just dogmatic Church teaching, but the moral reasoning behind it. Not what just the Church says, but why it says it. He deserves his legendary reputation and i recommend taking him to everyone; everyone who is willing to gamble his/her grades that is. That said my problem for Theo was that my quiz grades were erratic. A 3 this week will turn into an F the next. Part of the reason for that is I didn't study well for the quizzes. I would read the required reading for that test 10 minutes before the class while walking to it. I didn't take any orals. The first chance i skipped because I was still intimidated by the thought. The second chance I missed the sign-up and almost missed the written test because I didn't know the right dates. The finals orals I decided not to take because by then I couldn’t gamble with my grades anymore. My group didn’t help at all. Or I should say they did. Because even though they are a group of little pretentious queen bee wannabes who do things at the last minute, they still manage to do the stuff that’s needed to be done. End grade: D. Yeah I survived.

And since I've put off this post and I'm getting tired of it, let me speed through the rest of the subjects.

DS 102. Slept through it the whole sem, didn't read the readings. C+

DS 112. Only problem is surprise low quiz grades. C+

DS 130. Loved it. Normal effort. Surprised to get a B

OrgMan. Thought it will be easy. But it turns out I didn't put in my side of the effort, and i regret that. Sir is the type of guy who will perfectly mirror the amount of effort you put in. Grade: C. I deserved it.

2008-09-29T08:21:00.000-07:00

I wonder what will happen if I die?

It was after watching the UAAP finals at MVP, and I was walking around the campus, savoring the satisfaction of our victory when I came across the wake of Gab Doller at the chapel, and it hit me that in the midst of all the cheers and happiness, there exists sadness in this corner of the school. It was sad to think that his death, at least for a moment was overshadowed by the championship, and so in the hallway empty of students who were all celebrating at Araneta I came and stayed in silence to show that at least in a way, people have not forgotten.

You never really think about death, and so when someone close by dies it feels surreal. I wasn't really that close with Gab, and if not for a blogpost that mentioned him being part of World Youth Day and me remembering that a picture of the participants was in the last issue of Guidon, I wouldn't have remembered that he was my French I classmate. I knew the face but the name attached to it only weakly until I saw his picture and put them together.

I came upon his Memorial Board where a tarp was put up for his friends to write their last messages for him. I was touched and saddened by what was written. There were those expressing their shock and mourning his sudden passing. There were happy messages left as if he wasn't gone at all. And there were those remembering his friends' fondest memories of him that they will miss.

Which made me contemplate. If I die and I had a Board like this, what will people write? Will they say my death is a shock? Who will write? How many of my 'friends' will leave even a note? What will they miss of me? Will they mention a thing they remember me for or miss having?

I had this same-yet-different thought when I heard of Tara. She was shot during a robbery and was placed in a coma. The night it happened I already read about it in my friends blogs and within a week benefit concerts for her were already being planned. And i thought, who is she that she is getting this much attention and support, not out of disrespect but out of real wonder, because I didn't really know her. I wondered if something like it happened to me if the school will show the same amount of support or does it all depend on people's 'social capital'?

I have this notion of passing my day-to-day with as little impact on people as possible. Being detached from the world and the people makes me free. Staying in the back, being anonymous, keeping quiet, the guy that does (great) things with taking as little attention as possible. But to think if I die right now no one will remember me, or anything of me sucks. I guess that's the downside of keeping my distance from the world. I'm left to wonder if I left anything to anyone worth remembering.

2008-09-24T09:15:00.000-07:00

This is what going mad feels like

I've put off writing this post for 3 months now as I grapple what I really feel. it has gone through several writings and edits about several things, about what I felt during a particular time or about the past months. Let me say everything now, once and let me forget all about it.

I love you. I love you now as much as I had two years ago. I always think about you. Whenever it rains, whenever I'm alone, whenever I don't see you. Always. It's driving me crazy thinking about you and knowing I can't tell you anything when I see you. when all I can say is 'if you only knew.' If you only knew how much I still love you. If you only knew that I'm still waiting. If you only knew how much it hurts me whenever you tell me those things. If you only knew how much it hurts being beside you and pretending everything is ok. If you only knew I don't care about those things as long as I see you happy. If you only knew that i can't get close to another because my hope for you stops me every time.

My hope is pushing me to look for you everyday, to ask you how you are and what are you doing, to make sure that you're ok, and I'm going mad because I have to stop and tell myself that I have to let you go, that you don't care about me anymore. I'm fighting myself and it's tearing me in two. And until now I don't know if I'll still hope and wait or if I have to strength to finally let go and move on. You're making it difficult because you continue to make me hope whenever you hold my hand.

I'm telling myself that I'm too young to feel this way, that I still have my whole life ahead of me. But then I wish that I could be with you and then I'm back to square one.

I wish you didn't come back anymore. I was doing fine without you near. You have become a memory that I cherished. Now your close I find it so hard to stop myself from hoping.

I trying to cut all ties that holds me back to you and your memory. Your kinda helping me by not acknowledging me, and I think you're doing it on purpose. That's good, but I wish you could tell me more directly. I don't know, maybe I'll confront you one last time. Or I will just continue burning bridges and move on and not look back without saying another word.

Either way I take, let me say it again. I love you, always have. With this, let me leave all that I feel right here and forget about it.

2008-06-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

Distraction

Its not all about time management. People say that all you need is proper time management and you can do the stuff you need to do, and make room for stuff you want to do. For me it's not that simple anymore. By it's name it already points out the fact that your time is limited, and it's just that - there isn't enough time anymore to think and do everything. It feels like a crowded room in my head, with a million things pushing and shoving. Simply put, it's information overload.

I started thinking about this after one of my philosophy classes. Sir Pasco gave great insights and challenged us to philosophize on our own. But before I got around to reflecting on the things he said, my mind was already racing to different things: what does poverty as entitlement failure mean - I have to pick up readings for my development management class - father Dacanay will give a quiz tomorrow about conscience/3 - I wonder what items I should use for Medusa (DotA speak). And as I cycled through those different thoughts I realized I lost the insights I had about our philosophy discussion.

And so in the course of my crowded line of thought I came to question why my thoughts were so crowded in the first place and remembered the comment of Sir Pasco. He said that people don't philosophize anymore because information is right there at our fingertips. People choose not to think anymore because information is so accessible.

Convenience has turned us to information sponges instead of hunter/gatherers, and we are bombarded by information through television, the internet, newspapers and radio. It's information overload. I can follow what's happening to the rest of the world so easily - and it's great to be aware, but trying to grapple with the entirety of the global situation while absorbing academic lessons is like a rag trying to absorb some spilled milk while being hosed down by a garden hose. Information is beyond being at our fingertips. It's being shoved down our throats whether we like it or not.

This phenomenon of information overload gives a different dimension to the concept of time management for students. We face multiple subjects and tens (if not hundreds) of pages of readings for each one. After taking to account time spent in the bathroom, eating, sleeping, traveling, and doing schoolwork, there is only so much time you can burn reading in a day, and what will the quality of it be? After reading through polsci, shift to theology, after that a major subject and after that to philosophy. In the process of cramming information into the brain I'll be astounded if no detail was forgotten. And how about those subjects that require more than memorization? Like computers with multiple running programs, our attentions can only be divided so much before our brains start slowing down.

The life of the modern student of course is not confined to academics. We spent a good chunk of our lives in the internet, the information superhighway. The TV too is a distraction. All these things fight for our attention. And what of those books we would like to read?

They accuse our generation of being apathetic. I believe this is partially a product of modern society that demands us embrace the globalization of information accessibility. We have to (or choose to) isolate ourselves from the rest of the world to concentrate on our priorities, whatever they maybe.

I guess this is my crude attempt to philosophize on my own, on the question why I don't have time to philosophize in the first place, which apparently doesn't make for a good essay. It's because I'm distracted by so many things to think about that I don't have time to think about all of them anymore, even if I wanted to.

2008-06-15T07:45:00.001-07:00

Things I'll leave unsaid, for now...or forever

The girl of my dreams is back, and she's driving me crazy once more. 2 years after she left, I've tried my best to move on, and I did, to a certain degree. I've been living my college life to the fullest I could, and the best analogy I could think of to explain that is that my life has been like my favorite cake, the best, and she is like the icing - I could live without it, but the cake would be incomplete. But here I am, the hopeless romantic, the naive boy who still believes that love conquers all and that the stars will bring you back to each other; kept a persistent hope in the face of relentless doubt that one day we will be together again, a tiny tiny annoying thorn in the back of my head. I tried my best to forget about it, to smother it with practicality and stone cold reality, but it just won't go away. I can say a part of me did move on; time can do that for you. Out of sight, out of mind. But now that she's back, she brought with her all the memories and thoughts and hope I've learned to suppress all this years .

Now the part of me that clung to hope is daring me to hope, fighting against the part of me that accepted reality and moved on, that wants to move on. And there is also the part of me that remembers the promise I made two years ago. I'm being pulled in different directions, and all that it's making me is weary. Confused and weary because I don't really know how I would feel. Do I still hope, or will I turn my back on her and go forward?

I can ignore her, that's easy. I could just live my college life like I did the past two years. We have different schedules, I have responsibilities - it's very easy to lose myself in my work now. But I do want to be with her. i want to keep her company, but also I'm telling her to find her blockmates and stick with them so that she can have new friends to hang out with. ARRGHHH!! I'm just so confused.

And here - the girl of my dreams is ridiculously out of my league. She's rich, I'm not. I've been to Bataan and Batangas, she's been to Berlin and Bern. I haven't left Luzon, she has been to most of Europe. I've wanted to learn how to speak French, she can. She missed her first day at school and yet she still aced the quiz on chemistry. Her parents will allow her current boyfriend to stay at her house during vacation, they're surprised I'm even still in Ateneo (now that one hurts). But it's exactly all these things and everything else that I love about her.

Now she's back, she's filling up my every waking thought again. she's my biggest distraction, and also my inspiration. Whenever I'm with her, it's as if all the world just falls away and all I can feel and think about is her and that I'm happy. Just that. I'm happy. I've never felt like that with someone else.

She doesn't know the power she has over me. I'm willing to go out of my way to do something for her. I was running errands for her here when she was in Europe during Valentines day. I walked her home at midnight and walked home alone in the dark streets alone after that. I'm willing to get up early in the morning just to accompany her in school (if you know me you would know how important sleep to me is). I even kept that promise I made to her before she left. I waited.

She knows that I still love her. She can tell it from the way I look at her. The annoying thing is she acts like...the way she acted when we were together, giving me that look that makes me fall every time. Believe me or not, but I've thought of her every single day for the last two years. But this, along with everything else I'll leave unsaid.

2008-05-31T07:58:00.001-07:00

I have become a Republican

Pullman's His Dark Materials affected me, first and partly because of the sad end which I'll admit got to me bad because I was once in the same position as the characters found themselves in, and reading it brought back the same painful emotions. Not to mention it happened to the characters I've come to love, which was sad. It took me a sleepless night and the whole day after to get over that. Leaving the bitterness of the ending and looking back with the eyes my literature teacher trained us with, I've come to see the genius of the work (the sad ending only made the story better), which believe me I could talk about for hours.

But making me realize how amusingly useful my literature class is not what I meant about the story affecting me. It is that I, an admirer of universes conjured up by the imaginations of authors like Tolkien and Lewis, have found something else in Pullman's novels, something beyond the mere wonderful storytelling of a fairytale (which already is fantastic). It is the idea of the Republic of Heaven.

The idea hit me like a truck: it makes sense, plain and simple. I'm a Catholic, and for a time now also have been a vocal critic of the Church. I've come to the point where I'm fully devout, fully questioning the very foundations of the Church teachings. I've settled on the label "Agnostic", but make it clear I'm an Agnostic Catholic, reconciling both sides of my dual belief regarding religion. This is even what drew me to reading His Dark Materials in the first place, because of it's reputation as being Church-critical.

But now I've not only discovered a magnificent work of imagination, but encountered a 'philosophy' I've come to adopt, because like I said, it makes a whole lot of sense, and suddenly it just arranged my confused personal religious views into a coherent idea.

The idea of the Republic of Heaven is quite simple. It says that the Church focuses too much on the afterlife and that we must build our happiness in the here and now. It's not as blasphemous an idea as it sounds. The best way to sum it up is in through this quote which says "they tell the poor people that they must be content with their poverty, and they shall have their heaven hereafter. But why may we not have our heaven here (that is, a comfortable livelihood in the earth) and heaven hereafter too, as well as you?" Isn't that a valid question? my disoriented view on religion has just found it's foundation, and the structure it can build on at the same time.

Pullman's comments, manipulated to reflect my own, can show you what I mean. He says "The kingdom of heaven promised us certain things: it promised us happiness and a sense of purpose and a sense of having a place in the universe, of having a role and a destiny that were noble and splendid; and so we were connected to things. We were not alienated..." (I'm a Christian)"...I don’t think I will continue to live after I’m dead..." (My agnostic view of the afterlife)"...so if I am to achieve these things I must try to bring them about – and encourage other people to bring them about – on earth, in a republic in which we are all free and equal – and responsible – citizens." The end there just pretty much reconciled it together. Like I said, it's not blasphemous. Let me continue that statement:

"Now, what does this involve? It involves all the best qualities of things. We mustn’t shut anything out. If the Church has told us, for example, that forgiving our enemies is good, and if that seems to be a good thing to do, we must do it..." (Yes i agree religions serve as moral compasses) "...If, on the other hand, those who struggled against the Church have shown us that free inquiry and unfettered scientific exploration is good – and I believe that they have – then we must hold this up as a good as well..." (If the church says it's good, adopt it. if it says it's not, take a step back first before you shun it. Take the case of population control for example. A runaway population is clearly not good for the environment, yet the church refuses to reverse it's pro-life stance.)

It talks about making the world a better place. It talks about using all the good virtues to build Heaven here on Earth. Even I think God will like that. I will live my life, I will live it, here and now, and while I'm doing it, I'm striving to do good for the world - I'm a development studies student after all.

It's name even sounds cool. The Republic of Heaven should be built here, because where we are is always the most important place. And that's why now I'm proud to call myself a Republican Catholic, unfortunate it may be that whenever I say it people will always think of the American political party.

Now, the question is, will my new found philosophy that's clearly incredibly humanistic stand up to the most (in)famous theology teacher in Ateneo?

2008-05-20T08:30:00.000-07:00

Worms of the Heart

Who ever knew there's such things as 'heartworms'? Disgusting wiggling parasites floating in the blood and growing in the heart, of all places. They were barely visible to see in the blood sample, but they were there, taunting me with their microscopic wiggling, daring me to hope that what I see is just normal, but it was unmistakable; there was something else moving in the blood. I could stomach intestinal worms, but there they were, wiggling as if their only purpose was to send a shiver down my spine and give me a heartache as I look at them through a microscope. It's confirmed said the doc - they're there, and it was fatal.

She said it as if she was telling a patient he had terminal cancer. 'He won't live long', she says. All we could was wait.
And all I could do was look. I refused to let it sink in, detaching myself as I have done whenever I heard news of a calamity that affected thousands or when there is a death in the family, a coping mechanism I have perfected so well people will think I don't care at all. But I do. A part of me feels everything but I keep it all at arms-length. Succumbing to emotion now would mean an ironic victory for those nasty worms whose job it is to inflict pain in the heart.

What used to be playful encounters with my dog turned to quiet time where I would just scratch his head and he would snuggle in the same manner a cat does. I thought it was just because he has getting old already and I was too grown up to play with him like a kid. But recently he has been growing thinner, so we called the vet. They came, and with one simple blood test confirmed that he was infected with heartworms.

My first thought was "ewww..." Cmon, worms...in the heart. What was more disturbing was if that random sample of blood already contained 3 worms already immediately visible in the microscop, how many do you think is floating around in the bloodstream? The only thing that didn't make my hair stand up on end was the thought of my dog. He was just sitting there, his head bowed low as if he was understanding what we were talking about, as if he knew he was just waiting to die.

While the vet was talking with my mom, I was comforting my dog, if it was all possible. And like so many other times while I was stroking his head he would nuzzle back like a cat, as if he wants to be embraced.The vet said it was fatal. There is treatment; but it was expensive, and it wasn't sure if he would live anyway, because the damage has already been done. So in effect, we were just waiting for him to die.

My dog has been with us for 7-8 years. He's a lively dalmatian-hybrid who's heavy enough to take me down if he jumped at me and has worked how to jump up a 5 foot concrete wall like a cat to get out of the house. He knows strangers because he barks like mad at them and can somehow tell them apart from friends or family who can approach him without fear. He has given my mom a headache for the past years because he digs parts of the garden to make a nice cool patch for himself to lie on. He keeps digging and digging, because when that moist patch of soil dries he digs once more. We have gave up on filling back the hole, so now he has a favorite spot right outside my bedroom window, as if he was there to guard me at night.

Now he's weak and thin, with an expression in his face as if he is tired. He no longer runs to the door when he hears me open it, and he just lies there at his 1-foot hole of dirt, digging even more. He no longer gobbles up his food hungrily. He now moves in a lethargic pace around the house, and his earsplitting bark has become weak and feeble.

All the vet can do is give him some vitamins to get his strength back up.
And all we could do was wait. I thought if only I had the money I would take the chance of getting him treated. But we're not that blessed. And so after the vet left I carried my dog, who didn't like to move anymore like any sick person. He was so thin that I could scoop him in my arms already and carried him back to his favorite place. These nasty, disgusting worms were killing my friend, slowly. I felt a pang in my heart even though all those nasty worms were in him. And a sad thought and a sad smile came to me as I lay him down in his favorite dirthole. He must have known he was sick, and he just lied there, digging to make himself comfortable, and I thought it looked like he was digging his own grave...

2008-05-07T08:37:00.000-07:00

Noisy night and a wedding the morning after

So it was about 1 am in the morning when I heard something in our backyard. Sounded like the muffled thud of an indian mango falling, which is common since we have a mango tree in the yard, unless it falls on the roof and makes a racket louder than a gunshot. It sounded normal until I heard the flowing water. That was weird, and I first thought our dog or that falling mango knocked over a basin. Problem with that is that the sound continued longer than it should have if it was a fallen basin.

Then I thought the creek broke through. See, our backyard wall literally keeps back a creek behind our house, and last year that wall broke and let in flood waters that destroyed our neighbors house. Can't be that, since the creek wasn't swollen from the rains. And yet that gurgling flowing sound continued. I tried shining a flashlight into the backyard but can't see anything. Then the thought crossed my mind that someone could be there.

That was unlikely, because my dog wasn't barking. But since they raised the creek wall almost to the level of our own wall, it's become a danger because it makes our backyard technically accessible, hence why we're paying to put some barbed wire to keep people out, but that's not until tomorrow.

So I got up, grabbed my arnis stick, and went out to check. I put on the lights as I went through the house, then carefully opened the door to the backyard, then I looked around.

And there it was. A faucet burst. And it was gushing water. I went back in woke up my dad and went out the front to put off the water main from there.

Surreal experience to walk out at past 1 am holding a stick to shut off the water main.

Well, that was my night. In the morning we were to go out to my cousin's wedding, which is the Cainta municipal hall. It the first civil wedding I've been to, so the experience is worth sharing. Too bad I didn't bring my camera, I seem to always forget that I own one.

In the solar oven they call an auditorium there were a dozen or couples, with 200 or so relatives. Mayor Mon Ilagan was the presider, much to my amusement. He presided the wedding like how Edu Manzano hosts Game ka na ba, or how a parent hosts a children's party - with oddly placed (and corny) jokes in between the ceremony. The couples did their part, doing things the Mayor can joke about like looking around instead of staring down their partners while saying their vows. While that's happening photographers -i.e family members with cellphones and digicams were swarming the couples, even going in between them to get a closeup.

After a short ceremony, everybody was rejoicing - finally beside they can come out of that hotbox they call a building. And so ended my adventure of the week. Yeo, this is as exciting as it gets during summer in my life.

2008-04-27T08:46:00.000-07:00

Responsibility

I took the job because first, I wanted to give back to the organization that has become my family, and since no one was inclined to I saw the need for someone to step up to the position and so I did. I also saw it as an opportunity to learn something useful. And I took the job because I wanted to become more responsible.

I'm not a responsible guy, nor am I industrious or have rock solid discipline. I'm almost always late for everything, I put things off if possible, I don't do work if I know it won't kill me if I didn't. I accepted these things of me and even turned it into a lifestyle, the 'stress free-living' student life. I prefer to be the idea man, say something and let someone else do it. Like how my new idol the Street Strategist puts it, I'm a man of 'unlimited imagination but of limited talent'. I've always talked about not wanting to join the corporate world because it's too constricting and I want to live a life free of the drive for money. Well, I really do want not to spend my days working in a 6x8 cubicle, but also because I know I won't survive in the corporate world with all it's deadlines. Same reason why I know now that I won't survive in the Sciences; I just don't have the discipline for it. And that's why i fear taking a position of responsibility. I'm afraid I'd let people down.

And that's why I took the job. Because I know this time, I will be forced to become responsible. I would never want to let my friends down. I saw this as an opportunity to change myself before I enter the real world.

And now I'm here, I think I bit off more than I can chew. I ran for the position knowing nothing about it. I cited experience in my resume - bullshit, that's only 10% true. I did hold positions, but i did nothing in them. I would have loved to, for training and experience, but i never did (not of my own fault or choosing). So I took the job with zero knowledge - and if I only knew what I was getting myself into, I would have thought twice before volunteering. The sheer amount of paperwork and deadline screams the need for discipline and responsibility which I wanted to get doing the job in the first place. I've got myself in my own catch-22.

In fact I have so much non-experience that those people who don't have my job know more about it, including those younger than me (sophomores). I'm dumbfounded about how they know more about my job than me. I think even the assistant I got knows more than me.

I got a headache during plevsem hearing about all the plans, because all those plans means work for me. I'm the most irresponsible guy in the group and I'm holding the job with the most work. I'm amazed how I got myself in this stupid position.

And during that meeting I could feel the pressure piling. every project I hear being planned is another week's worth or more of paperwork, every project a need to get more sponsors. I could already feel the load of it all, taxing my sanity in the incoming year, and I haven't even factored in my academics yet. I was getting overwhelmed of it all that I almost lost it and shouted at the president when she told the group something I didn't know about which I should have. Stress, and peer pressure. I feel like I'm about to get hit by a truck.

Curiously though, even with the anticipated pressure I feel excited with the coming year. It feels like I'm switching from feeling overwhelmed at the amount of effort to make to feeling excited at the good I could do- like a mini manic-depressive cycle. i wonder if this is the rush people who thrive in pressure talk about, you know like doctors.

If it's a lesson in responsibility I wanted to learn, I'll be learning it the hard way. This year's gonna be a crash course in discipline for me. Oh what the hell was I thinking. Here's to a great incoming school year.

2008-04-09T06:53:00.000-07:00

Summer Vacation Loser

I'm such a loser during summer vacation. Where my friends have been going to places like Rome, Singapore, Hong Kong, the US, Boracay, Puerto, or even just their provinces like Zambales or Batangas, the most exciting (and only, if not my trip to the local mall last monday) place I've been in the past 2 weeks of vacation has been the cemetery.

Sleep can only kill so many hours of the day, and so as not to go insane of boredom in the times where I'm not eating, watching the TV, playing video games or sleeping, I've resorted to reread my DS subject readings. Yes! I'm not joking. I'm shifting through pages of course readings - during summer vacation. At least I'm comforted by the thought of doing something productive. I've reread and finally understood our first ever article which I didn't finish and read another one which I didn't read at all. Well, better late than never. Also trying to read the articles we didn't take up. There's actually some pretty good stuff there. I also have the His Dark Materials Trilogy of novels I've wanted to read since watching the Golden Compass but weirdly I've been putting of reading it. just another in the long list of summer readings I want to accomplish.

While we are in the topic of summer, I've got to watching the new Terminator series on C/S and AXN, and I'm excited to see one of my favorite actresses again on TV. Summer Glau beats Arnold Schwarzenegger as a Terminator any day. Kristanna Loken, eat your heart out.

2008-04-03T07:46:00.000-07:00

Thoughts of an idealistic Development Studies undergrad

Rice shortage crisis, NBN-ZTE controversy, Sumilao land case, extra-judicial killings, political killings, Spratly's dealings, 4 Trillion peso debt, greedy government officials with their own agendas, fertilizer fund scam, convicted plunderer getting pardon, convicted plunderer on-stage an anti-corruption rally, convicted plunderer having a realistic chance of running again as president; motions for impeachment, coup de etat attempts, mutineer getting elected as a senator, actors as politicians; food prices rising, fastfood items cost rising, oil prices rising, transportation fare rising, electricity costs rising, +20% of the population living under $1 a day; overcrowded classrooms, lack of public school teachers, inadequate school supplies, inaccurate textbooks, 67 of 100 primary school students graduate, of that 45 finish high school, 26 enter and 7 students finish college; OVERPOPULATION, overflowing landfills, overfishing, massive deforestation, deadly air pollution, pollution of water sources, disease outbreaks, climate change impacts; Bishops meddling in politics, use of the mass as a political tool, church refusal on population control issue; distrust on the police, police abusing their power, a legal Communist party, a legal communist party with an armed insurgent group, an insurgent problem as old as my dad, unending military conflict in the south; a generally apathetic youth, concerned only in finding a nice job, preferably overseas...

The Philippines is going to hell before I even graduate...

2008-04-01T07:36:00.000-07:00

Fool's Day

Yep, today is the perfect day for me to resume blogging. It's time to stop being foolish and get my life back on track. You see, for the past 2 months I've been Lazy - capital "L" because it's not the normal kind of laziness. I felt like I was depressed - without the emo-sadness, just the lack of motivation to do anything. I haven't even blogged, and that's not because my life has been uneventful. See that; my last post has been at the start of February about a joke music survey when I've spent Valentines Day alone, did my long-delayed electronic waste drive project, swiped 5-pounds worth of freebie reading materials from World Bank and Asian Development Bank, got showered by ashes watching a fireworks display in San Beda after parading around the Malacanang area for 3 hours, watched the foolishness that is the House of Representatives in person, became bartender for a night, became inducted as the new ESS Finance officer, survived swimming class, hopped through 14 different churches in a single day, finished the second year of my College life and so many more. I didn't write anything down because I lost my driving force, my enthusiasm, my inspiration or whatever you called it. I wanted to express my thoughts, but I couldn't get myself to do it. Pure laziness. I couldn't even care less about school anymore, which was foolish because it left me in a bad situation in some of my classes grade-wise. I have a stack of books I've wanted to read and I haven't touched one yet. My religiosity even waned. All that was in my mind was watching anime and playing DotA. Foolishness I tell you.

Well, that phase ends today. I'm forcing myself to breakout of this foolish Lazy-motivationally-depressed state, and the first step is this: forcing myself to write this new blogpost, and I tell you that took some intense self-talk before I got my butt in front of my computer and start typing. I've got so many things that I want to do, so many things in my mind and so many things I want to say. And it all starts with this post.

2008-02-01T05:51:00.000-08:00

Ewan - Musings and another Music Survey

I'll take this opportunity to blog since the next thing that I will post will be promotions for my upcoming ESS project and also since I'll probably be swamped by schoolwork for the next week or so. Another academic cycle is starting once more.

Like in economics where there is a business cycle of expansion-recession, academic life (at least, mine) is also marked by a cycle - a cycle of stress and slack(ing off). And it so happens the slacking stage is ending after the stress of our polsci report and 2 long test from my major subjects. The stress stage is coming once more - this time in the form of both acads and extra-curricular activities. I have about 12 pounds worth of readings to go through including a book for our report on Wednesday.Also my long delayed project is finally approved and set for Friday and Saturday. I must promote that vigorously and I don't know how or if there is even much time. Gah I hate being a project head.

Another month has blurred past me again. And now it's February again. Oh how time flies.

And now to the music survey I saw from Jacky's site. I did a different music survey last September (wow, so long ago) that was really funny (http://stargazerspoint.blogspot.com/2007_09_01_archive.html) so I tried this one too to see what the weird, often accurate and funny results will be.

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question

1. What does this year have in store for me?
I Could Not Ask For More - Edwin Mccain (This must be a great year. haha)

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

2. What does your love life look like?
Come Around - Rhett Miller (God that so hit the mark. hahaha)

Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Unless you come around
So come around "

3. What do I say when life gets hard?

Sampip (solo)- Parokya ni Edgar (Another good answer. hehe)

"I'll just close my eyes and just go to sleep" <- Perfect me
But a better line will be -
"call me crazy i just don't care
I'll never quit it so you better beware"

4. What do I think of when I get up in the morning?
Martyr Nyebera - Kamikazee (My parents)

"paggising sa umaga
mukha mo ang nakita
wala pang nagawa nakasimangot na"

5. What song will I dance to at my wedding?
Wag na Wag Mong Sasabihin - Kitchie Nadal (Well, the survey is bound to miss sometime.c'mon, you can't dance to this song. hehe)

6. What do you want as a career?
Tulog na - Sugarfree (What's with me and sleeping? )

7. Your favorite saying?
Cruisin' - Gweneth Paltrow and Huey Lewis ( I love this song)

"and if you want it you got it forever"

8. Favorite place?
Broken Sonnet - Hale ( The only good song Hale made IMO)

"Cause tonight I leave my fears behind
Cause tonight I'll be right at your side"

9. What do you think of your parents?
Chicksilog - Kamikazee (Guess that's another miss)

10. Where would you go on a first date?
Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol ( Could be - I'm lazy (or broke) to go out. Hehe)
"If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world? "

11. Drug of choice?
Ikaw Lamang - Silent Sanctuary (yeah. Perfect answer haha)

"Sa lahat ng aking ginagawa
Ikaw lamang ang nasa isip ko sinta"

12. Describe yourself.
Akin ka na lang - Itchyworms (Well, at least it's consistent with the other music survey - still says I'm jealous. <_< )

13. The song that will be played at your funeral?
Bulong - Kitchie Nadal (I must have left some sad people. Hehe. Also the chorus sounds supernatural since this is supposed to be for my funeral)
"Ikaw ba'y nalulungkot?
Nababalut pa ng poot,
maraming hinanakit sa mundo.
Di alam anong gagawin kundi ubusin ang oras sa gin.
Akala mo'y iya'y may mararating.

Hoy kaibigan ko!
Pakinggan mo ang mga bulong sa ‘yo.
Ito'y di galing sa mundo.
Patungo sa pangakong paraiso."

14. What's your pornstar name?
I wanna be with you - Mandy Moore (I sound like one needy desperate pornstar)

15. What is my state of mind like at the
moment?
It Ends Tonight - All American Rejects (Emo? Meh - sabaw lang sa schoolwork)

16. How will I die?
Para Sayo - Parokya ni Edgar ( Perfect. Well, it almost happened once before [ and no, that wasn't cryptic love life talk]. Ask the ES freshmen. hehe)

17. The song you'll put as the subject?
Ewan - Imago

2007-12-31T08:13:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Enjoy the celebration while I watch bright expensive fireworks displays flash in the sky while Philippine snow falls all around me (falling hot cinders from fireworks)

I'll post something substantial later. Damn, it's 2008 already! Happy new Year! Hehe

2007-12-26T05:59:00.000-08:00

Discovery

It's been more than or almost a month since my accident, my birthday, Christmas, New Years and our Bataan Ecotour. Now that's procrastinating. It's not that I don't have anything to write about. When school came back it swamped with work and stress so I put off writing about this year's Christmas until now. Add the fact that we have Discovery Channel back in our cable, it's been difficult for me to get away from the TV. I love watching Discovery

A month ago I was in an industrious mood - all I've been doing before Christmas was keep busy - play games, watch the new season of Avatar, watch TV, even read schoolwork just to keep my mind busy and not bothered by troubles. So I was surprised when I discovered that I lost my drive after Christmas day. Industriousness has always just been an excuse for me, work just a distraction. I hate idle times like vacation, it makes me think. Christmas this year was better than last year.

Our Bataan Trip was fun. I discovered alot of things, like facts about turtles, how incredibly bad the feeling of being wasted is, but what amazes me until now is the awesome power of the Law of Attraction. If you've heard one of my motivational speeches then you'd have an idea of what I'm talking about. I mean, it cannot be coincidence anymore!

This post is made just for me to put into writing most of my thought this past two months. It's very cryptic i know, but that's for the off-chance someone actually got to reading this. Don't worry, I'll understand what I wrote about, even if you wouldn't.*insert sly smile here*

2007-12-12T06:47:00.000-08:00

Tough shoes

A tough shoe makes all the difference. I would know, I put mine through tests that would make any terror prof blush and my shoes never failed me. I walk miles in my shoes. I like walking. I walk from Petron Katipunan to campus and back everyday, not to mention the walking that happens going from point A to B to J within campus. I don't even mind walking all the way home from Ateneo. It's becoming often that traffic jams so bad occur that I can practically walk faster than the vehicles. So I just press on from Katipunan past the bridge, past the LRT station and onwards on foot until I see that I can get a ride when traffic is gone.

I'm not really a shoes kind of guy. That's my dad. I'm more on shirts. That's why I volunteered to help in the Ateneo alumni homecoming last Saturday as a marshal. Free shirt, free food, free beer and good music, not to mention what must be a very expensive fireworks display. Ateneo sure knows how to throw a good party.

Speaking of free stuff, my tita gave me these rubber shoes from the States a month ago. It's kind of too rugged for me. It's a little on the hard side. Maybe because it's still quite new. Anyway, I was wearing these shoes on my way school this morning. Because of that darn traffic I got a little later than usual so I decided to just ride a trike to make it to class on time. There was a cute girl in the trike so I rode on the back. Now instead of getting to know that girl, I got to know my tricycle driver instead. Mang Rueben the trike driver and I got chatty after something got stuck in between the shock absorbers and the rear wheel of the trike after entering gate 2 that brought the trike to a halt. The girl in the cab went down to see what happened and while we were waiting for Mang R to get the wheel removed I saw that I wasn't making much of a good first impression. Maybe because I had this stupid look on my face, or maybe she saw my dirty shoes. Yeah, I think it's that.

So since Mang Rueben's trike is lying in the middle of the road wheel-less, he and I got on another trike and that is where we got to know each other. He seemed troubled so I tried to calm him down with some small talk. I think that helped. So we went to the HealthDev building (across ISO) where I got to sit in a wheelchair for a while. that's because that was my foot that got stuck.

If your thinking it's impossible for something to get stuck in between the shocks and the wheel of a trike, believe you me, it can. It happened once with my camera, now it has happened with my left foot. It's not as bad as it sounds, or might have looked. Slightly embarrassing cuz it happened in the middle of the road. At least got to practice my wheelchair driving skills. Now I'll need to practice my crutch (saklay) handling skills.

It's my shoes that saved my foot for the most part. Those thick shoes took the brunt of the damage that would have torn any lesser shoe and my foot to shreds. My foot essentially stopped the forward motion of a speeding trike with sheer friction. It took one hell of a beating. Some of the designs on both sides of the shoes were shaved off. I shudder to think what might have happened if I were wearing chucks instead of those hard-ass shoes.

And these Ateneo kids bitch about not being able to wear slippers anymore because of the dress code. Thank God I wear shoes. Because by the end of the day, a tough shoe makes all the difference.

2007-12-04T05:03:00.000-08:00

100 Truths (from lemarc and luz)

001. Real name : I choose to keep that a secret

002. Nickname: I wish I had a better nickname

003. Single or taken : Single

004. Zodiac sign : Sagittarius

005. Male or female : Male

006. Elementary : Lorenzo Ruiz De Manila School

007. High school: Lorenzo Ruiz De Manila School

008. College : Ateneo

009. Eye color : Dark Brown

010. Hair color : Black

011. Long or short hair : Short now

012. Shoe size : 8

013. Asthma? Yes

014. Are you health freak? If you call being OC about inhaling smoke, avoiding fatty foods, trying not to get sunburned and loving exercise being a health freak, then I guess.

016. Do you have a crush on someone? Of course. I'm a guy

017. Do you like yourself? Yes

018. Piercings : None

019. Tattoos : None

020. Righty or lefty: lefty

FIRSTS

022. First surgery : Does getting your umbilicals cut count?

023. First piercing: Never

024. First best friend: Some kid way back then

025. First movie made : a presentation for Fil class

026. First sport you joined: Chess I think

027. First pet : Dog

028. First vacation : Zambales

029. First concert : Orsem

CURRENTLY :

049. Eating : Nothing

050. Drinking : Nothing

052. I'm about : to get a good night's sleep after almost dying again in swimming class

053. Listening to : Silence

055. Waiting : for someone

057. Wearing : clothes

YOUR FUTURE :

058. Want kids? Of course

059. Want to get married? Of course

060. Career in mind? Professional tourist/backpacker

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

068. Lips or eyes? Eyes

069. Hugs or kisses? None. Both are great, but for the sake of choosing hugs.

070. Shorter or taller ? shorter. I'm already short

072. Romantic or spontaneous? Spontaneous.

073. Stomach or arms? Stomach.

074. Sensitive or loud? Loud.

075. Hook-up or relationship? Relationship

HAVE YOU EVER :

078. Kissed a stranger : No

080. Lost glasses/contacts : Cellphones, googles yes

081. Ran away from home : in the sense that I ran towards a friends house away from home yes

082. Broken any bones : thank God no

084. Broken someone's heart : I...don't think so

085. Been arrested : Nope

086. Turned someone down : people offering me food or pamphlets

087. Cried when someone died : If characters in anime's count, then mebbe

088. Liked a friend : Yep

DO YOU BELIEVE IN :

089. Yourself: Yep

090. Miracles : I guess

091. Love at first sight : Hmmm...

092. Heaven : I guess

093. Santa Claus : No

094. Fairies : No

095. Kissing on the first date: Perfectly fine

096. Angels : Sorta

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :

097. Is there one or more people you want to be with right now? Always

098. Is Superman really better than Batman? No. Batman pawns superman because he is richer

099. Have you had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at the same time? Nope

100. Have u had a crush on someone secretly? every single crush

2007-11-30T06:44:00.000-08:00

Coups d'etat and the Filipino Culture

The commotion over the supposed 'Trillanes revolt' yesterday is very telling of the Filipino culture. You've got to love the whole 'Bayanihan' thing we Filipino's got going, which is the basis of all the dynamics of coups and revolutions here in our country. 'People Power' anyone?

Yesterday was basically a repeat of the Oakwood Mutiny, with the call for support to the masses with the whole 'this is the Time' speech while the posse of the Senator took residence in a hotel while waiting for its supporters to arrive. See, the whole thing hinges on the arrival of supporters, aka 'the bayan'. Filipino's don't go shooting political opponents unless they'll remain anonymous about it. No sir, when it comes to high-profile revolts we prefer to do it bloodlessly if possible. After all popular support is the name of the game.

Trillianes whoever was thinking the right way, though on the wrong time. It's Christmas season, and no Filipino wants a tense affair that will blow away the Christmas spirit. Wrong time for a revolution - we like to enjoy our holidays.

When I said thinking the right way, what I meant was the takeover of the Manila Peninsula Hotel. Forget strategic defensible position - if your expecting a large group of people to show in support, you've got to show them hospitality Filipino style.

Of course the press was there in force. A news station must catch the blow by blow of the event. To do otherwise is unthinkable. Tsismis- er, the news must reach the masses. If there is no media coverage, then how can the revolters call for support or give statements?

You gotta give kudos to the level of dedication our reporters have.
The army kept telling them to leave the area but they wouldn't. Though the Filipino tendency to be 'usiseros' does get in the way sometimes (or maybe all the time?). If they weren't there, it probably degenerated into firefight, which I think at least one side wanted to happen. Tired of telling them to go the army tear gassed them anyway and even arrested a whole lot of them.

It was kinda entertaining to hear about the APC crashing into entrance of the Manila Pen. Like any good jeepney driver, they sure can fit any vehicle into any space they'd like.

And telling of what Filipino culture is indoctrinated into my generation, the fuss I hear around is not of the youth discussing the implications of this act, or if the country is in the throes of destabilization, or debating on who is in right in this affair. No, all I hear is the outcry of the teenagers who can't party into the wee hours of the morning and can't buy their usual midnight coffee from Starbucks anymore because of the imposed curfew.

2007-11-15T05:51:00.000-08:00

How to be cool in school

I'm cool. And here's what I did today to be cool. On a already cold and rainy Christmas season day like this, I sat in an air conditioned class for one and half hour before taking a dive in the LS pool. I then showed off my coolness by walking around the pool in my revealing swimming gear, making sure to wait for a slight breeze to make that dramatic blowing-wet-hair look and shiverin- err, flexing my muscles, before changing back. Then I went to my next class, drying my hair for the next hour and a half with the aircon turned on high. I was so cool my feet were already numb. So cool in fact, all the while my professor was talking I was thinking "I'm cold I'm cold I'm cold I'm cold I'm cold I'm cold I'm cold".

Now that's the way to be cool in school

2007-11-13T06:29:00.000-08:00

Now it feels like college.

1 year and a sem after starting college, only now do I feel like a college student. Only now, after going to our major subjects ( DS 101, DS 122), non-traditional subjects ( polsci or psych is not a traditional subject, compared to science, math, English) and meeting professors where our first impressions match their reputations, having a computer lab as a classroom, several tiered rooms, and going to a class with 60 plus students with seniors and juniors. To me the last 3 semesters felt a little like high school in terms of academic effort needed. I coasted on a carefree cloud of unstress day after day, just like in high school. After today I know that won't work anymore. I can already see the running the stressful road ahead paved with reading, readings and more readings with my professors behind chasing me like dogs from hell. And you know what, I'm not even stressing-ahead about it, not the least bit scared. I'm actually excited about it. We're finally Development Studies students! Yeah! Good thing it's Christmas season. Not that it's all jolly and such, but because Christmas season always puts me in a somber, almost serious mood. I think it's the thought of visitations and all that. Or maybe it's the cold.

By the way, after 3 something years with me, my cellphone number has been terminated already. Now I have a new globe number (just ask for it, the hell I'll put my contact number here). Kinda sad though cuz I'm sentimental about that number. it's weird, it feels like it was a pet or something, cuz I had it for such a long time. Got me through the best and worst of times ( High school). But, in a metaphorical sort of way, since I am "starting college" now , it maybe a symbol of discarding my high school attitudes. Heh. I'm over thinking it now. Better get back to my readings.

2007-11-04T06:59:00.000-08:00

November, for Nostalgia's sake

Halloween is over, people are returning from their visits to the cemeteries and it's starting to get cold. Yup, it's November already and only so far to go before the year ends once more.

Yesterday I went to my High school friend's birthday - debut actually, which I only realized when I got there and felt horribly undressed and lacking a gift. It was a minor detail anyway(I hope). There a few of my HS friends got together to eat and catch up. It was fun to see them again, but more importantly, I was feeling nostalgic all night. One of them even said to me that I gained weight. All the weight I lost during college came back this sembreak. Now I'm back to my HS build, and they noticed it. Yup, nostalgic indeed. Anyway, I forgot how fun it was to hang out with them. I didn't even mind becoming a model for a moment. Who knew I was pretty if I became a girl. Hehe...ehemmm... moving on...

Before I started to write this post I looked back at all the posts I made in this blog of mine, just for the heck of it. I forgot how witty I can be, hehe. I must be losing practice. While reading back there are things that suddenly came back to me, like thoughts that are funny in hindsight, past events that I already forgot about and old forgotten musings about random things, like my first days in college. Eh, time flies..sigh*

Walking to church my mom just had to remind me about something I really like to forget about now and move on from. And she had to do it on this date, November 4, where what I'm desperately trying to forget started two years ago today. Now that, my friends, is being nostalgic.

Well, for the sake of nostalgia, I'll repost something I wrote a year ago that amuses me that went like this:
"its not like anybody comes here and reads what I post,meaning to whom I'm writing this now can only be cybernetic thin air, or even if say you a person is reading this, it was written not for you but only to satisfy the ravings of a madman who has found a better alternative than talking to himself, which is to just keep writing in his blog with knowledge that nobody is reading it so therefore assumes that he is in a way talking to himself, which is me. So therefore this elaborate explanation is only to entertain me, thinking that somebody will be reading this but knowing that nobody will, and so therefore have succeeded in accomplishing...what? To kill alot of time and get the satisfaction of expressing his notions of absurdity to a void that is the blog which neither listens or reads, and could therefore just be an abyss where one tosses one's thoughts to be lost forever."

2007-10-22T06:54:00.000-07:00

Vigan Rocks! - A little too much for me apparently

I'm supposed to be back in Camarines Norte tonight instead of typing this post. But apparently I had way too much fun in Vigan for my own good. Stress probably was the trigger that brought back my asthma. I had to get a check-up to make sure I'm fit for my immediate departure, but I've been advised to rest for the rest of the week instead. I have to admit, I do have a tight schedule. But if I had my way, I'll be sucking it up and following my scheduled sembreak outings, which like I said, is supposed to be Camarines this week.

Well, Vigan was a blast. So worth it for the php900 we payed. Why? Cuz that's only transportation fee. We were taken care of by the Mayor Eva Medina, luckily Joana our ESSmate's mom. That meant a stay at Chavit's Baluarte Zoo, a shuttle around the city care of our own Tour bus and so much food. I actually lost my appetite by the second day because of all the meals we keep on eating. That didn't stop me from eating though. Who would, when all of it is just so delicious (and free!).

When not eating , we were touring the city. And we got to a lot of places. Vigan is a small city that the next stop on the itinerary wasn't even 5 minutes away. That meant no sleep-rest in the bus in between destinations. We went through numerous museums in the first day, on the second looked at the Vigan envi projects - the Bioreactor and the styro remolding machine, loom weaving and pottery making, and on the third day hanged at an awesome private beach resort. You can see pics of these at my multiply here http://stargazersplace.multiply.com/photos/album/51/Vigan_Ecotour_

I think my asthma came back when we went to the Bioreactor and the styro melting site. Well, the Bioreactor is where they turn biodegradable waste into compost-fertilizer and where they remelt Styrofoam packaging into tables. The fumes are noxious - well for me. Ammonia from the reactor and burning sytro smell. Who wouldn't love that.

Well, either that, or I was just really stressed. Lack of sleep from late night fun and no bus rest time (even from the inter-provincial night trip to and from Vigan) and hectic schedule all probably took a toll on me.

Well even if I was catching my breath already by the 3rd day, that wouldn't erase the fact that the Vigan Ecotour was a blast, both as a educational and recreational experience.

2007-10-08T06:08:00.000-07:00

Oh how time flies

It's been more than a month since I've blogged. Now what was the last thing I said... oh right, the music survey (that was a good post by the way) - o good lord how time flies. Now if anyone it's God who knows there had been alot of things that has happened that I could have written about, like the ICC, or the Dress code issue or all sorts of stuff but sadly i haven't felt that nudge from above that compels me to unleash my literary sarcastic power of writing. Why post now? Well, this is a sort of obligatory post as not to let my blog die of uselessness.

Well, it's the end of this sem too and it's time to look back, and damn that's not a pretty picture. I've done miserably this sem, basically 70% slacked off and now facing a low grade. 2 are in danger, Fil and Eco (seriously, these subjects are darn as hell annoying), a low Histo grade that I can change given a high grade in my finals (memorizing asian terms just don't cut it for me) and our big mystery theo grade. My only good grade I have is French (guaranteed B, confidently A after Finals) and PE (Also A, too bad it ain't part of the QPI <_<).

Now I don't know what's wrong with eco, but I'm pretty sure 3 sections with an average of F means I'm not the only having trouble with it. There is still hope though in 3 things: The paper we submitted, ma'am hopefully curving the grade, and our finals. Here's to hoping.

Fil? Well, it's Fil, who wouldn't think its a hard subject. Problem here is I don't know my standing cuz we don't know the marks I got in my papers. All I have going is our long tests (again ,not a very pretty picture). Well, go Finals again.

And you know what, if these two already give a crapload of pressure, you gotta love the fact that both finals (my last hopes, miracle cures) are scheduled right after each other. I'll have lotsa fun studying for that.

I gotta blame this with my lack of inspiration - problem since I entered college. I have no driving passion, no muses to push me. All I got is looking forward to smoking my weekly 2 packs of cigarettes over at Blueskies .I'm sure nobody got the reference; you see Bluskies ironically is a fully enclosed air conditioned internet cafe where I play and where all sorts of people with no lives smoke like there's no tomorrow. Oh how I wish they all get a lung full of cancer someday for making innocent children life me breathe the crap they breathe - I seriously don't understand why they still need to light a new one, you could practically smoke using a straw.

Simply put, I'm bored out of my skull. Someone needs to compel me to work harder. Promising myself to study harder next time won't work (we all know that doesn't work). I need to promise someone else. And would you look at that, it's October once again.The sem's ending and a new whole new one is right around the corner. Oh how time flies...

2007-09-03T05:57:00.000-07:00

Hari ng Sablay

A music survey I saw from Selene (http://bluednotes.multiply.com/journal/item/200/ ) that's just so cool. Haha. Try it out too.

RULES:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down no matter how silly it sounds!

1. If someone says "Is this okay?" you say:
I Could Not Ask For More - Edwin Mccain (Good answer. haha)

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

2. What would best describe your personality?
Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day (Nooo! Ang Emo!)

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
Gemini - Spongecola (I like a girl who tells me what she likes? Pwede haha)

Let me know if I'm doing this right
Let me know if my grip's too tight
Let me know if I can stay all of my life
Let me know if dreams can come true
Let me know if this one's your's too
Coz' I see it
And I feel it right here
And I feel you right here

4. How do you feel today?
Hindi Ako Bakla - Bitoy (At least tama, kahit napakaridiculous. haha)

5. What is your life's purpose?
Prinsesa - 6 Cyclemind ( O rly? haha)

Dalhin mo ako sa iyong palasyo
Maglakad tayo sa hardin ng 'yong kaharian
Wala man akong pag-aari
Pangako kong habambuhay kitang pagsisilbihan
O, aking prinsesa

6. What is your motto?
Jeepney - Spongecola (Hrmm...)

Naaalala ko ang mga gabing nakahiga sa ilalim ng kalawakan
Naaalala ko ang mga gabing magkatabi sa ulan

7. What do your friends think of you?
Nassan Ka - Pupil (Benta! Laging akong nawawala. Haha)

Wala ka na
Wala ka na pala
Wala ka na
Nasan ka?
Nasan ka?
Nawala nang parang bula

8. What do you think of your parents?
Gitara - Parokya ni Edgar (Hrmm.. misunderstood child ba ako? haha)

Mapapagod lang sa kakatingin
Kong marami namang nakaharang
Aawit na lang at magpaparinig
Ng lahat ng aking nadarama

9. What do you think about very often?
True - Ryan Cabrera (Oh Gawd.. Haha)

You dont know what you do
Every time you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak
Its true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know u met me?

10. What do you think of your bestfriend?
Don't Cha - Pussycat Dolls (Tan@!$@ dapat talaga tinangal ko na yan sa song list ko dati pa. Shet ang inappropriate! Hahaha)

11. What do you think of the person you like?
Makaaasa ka - Rivermaya (Syempre for pogi points. Haha)

Darating ako
Sing bilis pa ng hangin
Sa oras na kailangan mo
Makaaasa ka sa akin

12. What is your life story?
Chiksilog - Kamikazee (Whaat?)

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Call me When your Sober - Evanescence (Heh, di tumama)

14. What do you think when you see the person you like?
Ambisyoso - Kamikazee (Ahaha Super benta to! )

Libre lang mangarap
Walang hanggan na pag-hiling
Libre lang mangarap
Managinip ka habang gising

15. What do your parents think of you?
Why Can't I - Liz Phair (Basahin nyo yung lyrics... ganun ba ako kasama na di makahinga parents ko? haha)

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
Hump De Bump - Red Hot Chili Peppers (Pwede actually, para masaya :P )

17. What will they play at your funeral?
Sexy Back - Justin Timberlake (Pwedeng pwedeng! haha)

Come here girl
Go ahead, be gone with it
Come to the back
Go ahead, be gone with it
VIP
Go ahead, be gone with it
Drinks on me
Go ahead, be gone with it
Let me see what you’re working with
Go ahead, be gone with it
Look at those hips
Go ahead, be gone with it
You make me smile
Go ahead, be gone with it
Go ahead child
Go ahead, be gone with it
And get your sexy on
Go ahead, be gone with it

Get your sexy on
Go ahead, be gone with it
[Repeat 6 times]

18. What is your favorite hobby/interest?
First of Summer - Urbandub (Perfect! Stargazing w/ a girl i like, kung sino man yon :P )

Our song plays on
Parked car, night sky
Alone with you tonight

19. What is your biggest fear?
Photograph - Nickelback (Hmm..)

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.

20. What is your biggest secret?
Keep Your Hands Off My Girl - Good Charlotte (What?? I'm not a jealous person!)

But the record keeps playing,
The same old song,
They say "Aha, ahha",
Keep your hands off my girl,
Keep your hands off my girl.

21. What song will be the title when you repost this?
Hari ng Sablay - Sugarfree (Perfect title ;P )

Ako ang hari ng sablay
Ako ang hari, ako ang hari...

2007-08-27T19:21:00.000-07:00

After a Long Week

Finally got a solid 8 hour sleep ever since classes resumed from the mid-August Sem break and this is just to take stock on the highlights of my past week.

Finally did the Theo report we have been dreading since its announcement. Father Roche is vicious in his nitpicking and questioning. I don't know if he liked our report, was just arguing for the sake of better explaining it, or downright saying everything we said was crap. At least after the sleepless nights, consultations and our Gateway trip to finish our report (we went to Gateway before Theo class to finish it and prepare - who knew Gateway had a much better atmosphere to study in than school), it's practically finished now. I'm just wondering what our grade will be.

Watched Buwan at Baril, and I say it's pretty good. The individual acting and monologuing was superb and moving, though some people might not enjoy it because of that. Arwin kept saying it was boring even in the scenes of extreme drama. Well, some parts were a little boring, but overall it was good. Depends on your preference I guess. Went home late then got up early for NSTP

NSTP is fun. Fun only on that time when we are already teaching, but it's a pain for the rest of the week.

Had a nice chat with a taxi driver on my way to the ESS alumni party last Saturday.

ESS alumni party was fun. Didn't see the person I wanted to see, so kind of a drag, but was fun nonetheless. Went home late then waked up early for some tree planting.

ASEAN tree planting at La Mesa. There are some pics in my multiply (which i'm currently fixing right now) if you want. I was prepared (expecting)a day of tree planting, but it turns out it was just a ceremonial event for the spouses of the ASEAN delegates where we are just picture fillers. We were just there for eye candy, so that in the pictures the delegates were helping the Ateneans plant trees. There were just 10 saplings and only 4 were lucky to be able to plant theirs in the pre-dug holes without the help of the delegates. I should be the 5th but some dude helped me.
Well, at least after we were treated with a buffet lunch. And at least I finally got to visit La Mesa ecopark.

Well, that was last week. This week it's a Histo paper for tomorrow, a way to pull my grade for Econ, finish that Theo report and who knows what else. Got to go, French class in a few hours

2007-08-15T06:32:00.000-07:00

Best Nightmare

I spent 2 hours stuck in traffic, in the process missing my Eco class, only to arrive in Ateneo just in time for classes to be suspended. Great.

Whoever does the deciding to suspend classes either are "napakasablay" or exhibit incredibly precise forecasting abilities: The rains let up after a while once the announcement is made, allowing students to go home and enjoy the rest of the day. No classes again tomorrow. Let's see how their forecasting powers fare then.

That's not the nightmare I'm talking about though. Ever had a recurring, truly terrifying horror movie-like dream? I just had one that scared me awake all night, and when I go back to sleep it would be the same one. Turns out to be the BEST. I don't know why, but it turned romantic (I'll spare you the details). It was a nightmare unlike any other. I woke up with a smile on my face and unwilling to sleep again(remember, it was a nightmare and I just had enough of that scary crap). If every nightmare was like this, then I won't mind having one every night.

If dreams have meanings, then I'm still psychoanalyzing this one...What does it mean to be in love with a ghost?

2007-08-13T07:12:00.000-07:00

Atenista sarbey

(x) eat at Manang’s (First year love)
( ) learn the alma mater (Embarrassingly, not yet)
( ) get on the dean’s list (still working on that)
(x) sleep on a bench (benches sa org rooms, counted)
( ) be a TNT! (not really planning on that)
( ) jog around the campus in the evening (Nope - kailangan na kasing umuwi)
(x) visit the art gallery (Yup)
(x) know at least one xerox lady, manong, or technician by name (Ate Alma)
(x) get a Jesuit for a teacher (Fr. Roche)
( ) itch from higad bites (Thankfully wala pa)
(x) have gotten an F in something (Math)
(x) have taken a crap in school (nice CRs)
(x) watch a La Salle vs. Ateneo UAAP game (at least sa TV oo)
(x) give a powerpoint presentation (inevitable)
(x) study in the caf upstairs (mainit dun kaya ayoko na)
(x) watch a T.A. play (Kahit unrequired)
( ) sit on the SEC ledge and watch the stars (Nice idea)
( ) eat in Full House, Martha’s Kitchen, and Ken Afford (Kung alam ko kung saan yan)
(x) sleep in the lib (1st year hobby)
( ) visit Mr. San Andres (Nope)
(x) go to the chapel (after Madlum Trip)
(x) have gotten a pebble stuck in your shoe/slippers in the middle of the quad (Ya)
(x) cut class with your block to watch a movie (300 with english blockmates)
(x) sign up for those institutional (i.e. difficult but brilliant) teachers (unknowingly)
( ) go to CERSA night (Nah)
( ) have tried siomai rice - aka poor man's meal (hindi rin)
( ) fall in love ( Not yet)
( ) actually read the book you keep borrowing from the lib (Never borrowed)
(x) play cards during your free time (Once)
(x) dress in business attire (At least once)
( ) learn to stay awake for more than 24 hours straight (Wala pang need)
( ) have gotten side comments from ASSOC (what's ASSOC? Haha)
( ) take (and enjoy) Saturday classes (di naman ata counted ang NSTP)
( ) go to your immersion (malayo pa)
( ) eat Food for After Thought sandwiches (nope)
( ) get a boyfriend/girlfriend (Well...)
( ) take time to read the vandalism in the CR doors (Ang linis kaya ng CR)
( ) watch “Minsan Lang Sila Bata” and “Macho Dancer” for class (Kama sutra oo)
(x) do a last minute paper (Always)
(x) have spent a lot for 1x1 ID pictures (Every sem)
(x) get exempted from final exams (Natsci)
(x) attend a college mass (part of Ateneo life)
( ) play hide-and-seek in the mini-forest (Ma-explore nga yun)
(x) know where the best restrooms are on campus (of course)
(x) join an org (overloaded na nga ako eh)
(x) allow yourself to make mistakes-"the best things in life are complete mistakes" (Semper)
(x) take summer classes (Math)
(x) admire the sacred heart statue in the evening (The one in front of Gesu? then ya)
(x) make a video for a project ( Yep)
( ) have a crush on a teacher (Not really a crush pero cute naman sya)
( ) attend a Jesuit retreat (No)
( ) have gotten a parking ticket (No car yet)
(x) come to school in your crappiest yet most comfy clothes (Nung ginawa yung video)
( ) learn how to use the Bayantel pay phones ( Txt na lang)
(x) participate in school activities (Ako pa)
( ) catch the Blue Babble Battalion tryouts (Don't know what it means by "catch")
(x) ride a tricycle on campus (Hold on for dear life pag back rider ka)
(x) find a tambayan (Finally)
(x) admire the marikina valley at night (Pag-pauwi)
(x) go drinking along Katipunan (Ya, kasama si Julius. Nasita pa nga eh. Haha)
(x) learn how to beg for a higher grade (Not one on one)
(x) use your cuts wisely (Dapat lang)
(x) volunteer to be class beadle (Yup)
( ) had the worst lottery schedule for reg (Ang gaganda nga ng scheds ko actually)
(x) admire the trees on campus (Of course)
( ) have forgotten about your freecut and gone to that class (Never)
(x) eat in the ISO canteen (After cutting Math)
(x) be active in your org (Semper ESS)
( ) have signed up on an ACP class just because the girl or guy u like signed up for it (No, pero sumali na ako ng org just because nandun crush ko :P)
( ) get as many app forms as you can during the job fair (Too early)
(x) learn how to cram (Ever since grade school)
(x) sell tickets (or watch) an org-sponsored movie premiere (Watch yes, sell no)
( ) save money to Xerox all of your seatmate’s notes (Not all)
(x) have accidentally seen a make-out session (everyday? haha)
(x) check out the Meron Lagoon and Lambingan Bridge (Saan yung Lambingan bridge?)
(x) have dozed off in class in Bel right after a class in CTC/SOM/Comm. Bldg or vice-versa (Every T-th)
(x) learn how to work with groupmates from hell (Hell Ya)
( ) perfect the art of parking on campus (Again, no car)
( ) had a bad encounter with one of the guards on campus (Wala pa naman)
(x) develop a love for sisig (YES)
(x) learn how to pronounce “AEGIS” properly (Basta nagDoDotA, kaya)
(x) have used typing rooms at the library (Cramming)
(x) have reserved a classroom, AVR, etc. for a class or org function (useful skill)
( ) have asked the library for an endorsement to research in other libraries (Nope)
(x) have lost a perfectly functioning umbrella (One of many stupid things w/ Julius)
(x) have used consultation hours properly
( ) Looked forward to lab breakage refund, in case you didn’t break any equipment (No lab)
(x) visit the Guidance Office (Required)
(x) and Infirmary (Sumama lang)

2007-08-08T00:39:00.001-07:00

Dammit I want to go to school!

After an unusually dry month of June and July the rainy season is now officially back to normal, ending fears of a drought - and an unwanted free day from school for me. Last night I discovered first hand how Katipunan turns into an inch-high fast moving torrent of water during heavy rains. Today I got the Philippine version of being snowed in - I'm flooded in. After classes are suspended for only Elementary and High School students I find myself unable to go to my class because outside my house the water is already knee deep.They said in other parts of the village it was already waist high, and there was no trikes to be found, so if I still wade through the flood I'll have to walk my way out. And this is what it looks like at our neighbors -

Dammit I want to go to school. I don't want to miss my PE class, today is intense workout day. Or theo, where I already cut once. I might miss something important (though technically I miss out on stuff since I find myself half-asleep most of the class). Well, it's the weathers fault. Here is a rainy day pic to lighten the dreary mood

PS: Just in: No classes tomorrow. And I was excited for my French dialogue I wasn't prepared for too...Zzz... I'm getting bored out of my mind! I've already memorized Iglesias' "The Ping Pong Song" because of the number of times I listened to it today.

2007-08-05T06:47:00.000-07:00

Part of the Chain

This post has been delayed because of school work, and to delay further would just be ironic.

I went to the Gawad Kalinga Bayanihan Build last July 31, the Ateneo St. Ignatius day holiday. My involvement in GK has been a long time plan ever since last year, but I've never really gone for it because of academics and general lack of will power. Much to my happiness this time I've finally managed to go. A day of manual labor always appealed to me.

It turned out not exactly like how i imagined it to be. We went there, 100-something Ateneans and commenced our "build" where basically all I -or most of us for that matter- did was be part of a human chain passing along half-filled buckets of sand. We had a pretty long break where I ate lunch twice thanks to the very gracious hospitality of a local family who took our team in. An hour or so later we resumed our work then ended before the rains came with a Mass with Fr. Nebres.

I was a little disappointed, having just passed sand all day when I was expecting more hard work. But as the whole GK experience was concerned, I was pretty content. I made alot of new friends and finally got to experience what it was like to work as a volunteer.

on Wednesday I attended their Villages and Programs Orientation talk, and this is what I really wanna share. First, much to my amazement I found that the most of GK Ateneo's Village Coordinators are sophomores. Their already responsible for some of villages under GK Ateneo. When I saw that, I was amazed at the commitment and passion they must have that I said, "Damn, I want some of that", because for them to be VCs at this point they must have worked hard and trained when they were still freshmen. Arwin is also one, and I'm not surprised since I already saw how much he committed to GK last year.

Next was their programs. Much to my happiness and excitement they had their own Environment program, which if you know me by now then you'd know this is my passion. Being the pseudo-unofficial ESS representative to GK I found something I can help with that's my expertise. I realized integrating my ESS life and GK life won't be that hard at all and I saw this as a good challenge for me to do.

And then there was their last speaker, who's name keeps eluding me but who's speech doesn't cease to blow my mind. He was the most inspiring speaker i've ever heard - and that's saying a lot already coming from me. I don't get swayed by propaganda or get riled up from speeches from politicians, and not even Aragorn's speech in the RotK thrilled me much. But his speech was hair-raising in it's passion that it actually gave me a headache repressing the passion and fire I'm already experiencing right there in my seat. It's as if the Blue Babble drum line was playing a rallying beat in my head. He made our sand bucket relay operation that was terribly inefficient in my opinion sound so patriotic. One of my favorites was "You became the light and hope of the people that day, because you showed them that 150 Ateneans choose to help them build their houses during their holiday instead of just sleep all day."

The Bayanihan Build and the talk changed my opinion of GK. The 3 things I mentioned above showed me the passion and the commitment of their volunteers that when I see that, I become excited myself and become filled with the same empowering passion. Now I'll really become active in GK. Expect me to become unavailable in the near future because of attending builds and start expecting posts concerning my experiences in helping to build the nation.

2007-07-22T06:07:00.000-07:00

You never know what you might learn on the road

You can never know where you might find something that puts things in perspective; You might find it while watching a movie, or even while underwater. I found one in a conversation with a grumpy sarcastic jeepney driver. The kind that seems to have a sarcastic comment to everything a passenger says like "Saan po ito? Paki sabi naman po kung saan bababa, drayber po ako 'di manghuhula." You'll never expect it right? You'll just think a driver obnoxious when he bludgeons his way past the mass of people out from the sidewalk of the LRT station, honking his horn like mad and clearing commuters out like a lawnmower through grass just to let his passengers off.

I bet you'll never guess that a someone like that will be a college graduate, with a degree in mechanical engineering from Adamson University no less. Or think that he regrets spending for an education like that when it will only be used to maintain his jeepney and ply it for the last 7 years because it was impossible to find a proper job. I'm thinking you won't imagine that he is heartbroken after his wife left him recently, saying he never thought that it would hurt that badly, that now he understands what kind of pain and desperation drives people to commit suicide. Now he is burdened to take care of his 4 young children, expressing his feelings through his snide comments to his passengers. I could see the expressions on the other people's faces. Some of irritation, others of amusement. But they could never have heard the whispered story of the driver I heard.

See that... a mechanical engineering graduate, who has been plying his jeepney for the last 7 years, who cries over the loss of his wife and now earns a meager living to support his children. If that doesn't put things in perspective, I don't know what will.

2007-07-16T06:59:00.000-07:00

Madlum!!!

July 15th, Sitio Madlum Bulacan. ESS Ecotour. A day of spelunking, trekking, swimming and bonding. That day was just incredibly amazing. We had so much personal accomplishments that the Php350 we paid was more than worth it. We managed to climb and descend to places we never thought we could, squeezed through rock that shouldn't have been able to accommodate us, and jump from heights we haven't jumped off from. There is so much that happened that if I put it into writing it will be very very long. So I'll just try photo blogging. Photos taken from multiple sources. Visit ateneoess.multiply.com for more pics.

Crossed the river - Go Xie

Went Spelunking | ------->

Trekked ---------------------------------->

Yeah, we jumped from that :D

And just enjoyed swimming in the river

The most unforgettable experience for me there was in the river. Only a few people know what really happened, but there was a point there I got scared because it was deep. Ok, I have to admit, I was acting all tough on that trip; generally helping people and taking minimal help while in the caves and even helping friends from rock to rock while we were forging upstream.

Now looking back, I'm second guessing why I jumped in and let myself be carried by the current down the river. Did I do it because I was acting all tough? I know how to swim - kinda. I can get from point A to B, but if I don't get to B yet and I stop cuz I'm tired, then I'm screwed. I can't thread for my life. Much more to swim to save someone else's life. Anyway, I tried grabbing a rock and I don't really recall if I slipped or not.

We were floating down the river - it was in the middle part of the river and it was kinda deep - and I became worried cuz I can't touch the riverbed and I'm starting to tire. Good thing I managed to swim to the far side of the river (after swallowing alot of water), grab a rock and all four of us - 3 freshies and me were floating down - pulled ourselves out of the water and started laughing our lungs off. Well, that was a personal accomplishment for me right there. I survived the Madlum River! Haha. That river experience was just profound I tell you. But seriously, next sem I should take swimming lessons. Haha. Jumping off that cable 2 stories above the river was freakin awesome too.

2007-07-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

The Universe is trying to tell me something...

Don't tell me you guys are superstitious. It seems only a couple - if there were any at all who read the previous post below titled "this ain't for the superstitious." And I thought that post would be fun. Anyway, that's not my concern now

~~~

I had like the best sleep yesterday in a long while. I felt so relaxed that I forgot I had school when I woke up and immediately fell asleep again. I was even having a good dream, which I don't remember much now, but I do remember I was trying to speak French then. Maybe it's because I had fun practicing my barok French with my friend the night before. If Anna is reading this, maybe she'll understand. She can read past internet text and get the hidden meaning of what I say, you know...

~~~

I'm getting this vibe that the universe doesn't want me to go to the ESS Madlum ecotour. First my NSTP orientation pulls me away from sign-ups during ESS Orsem. Then Nica said only those who signed-up and those who will attend the Wednesday (today) briefing can join the tour. Fine, I was a little pissed because of the unfairness, but I accepted it. They said I'll just wait for someone to back out then I can take his place, which someone did. Then I remember that DevSoc GA was scheduled the same time as the briefing. I really want to become involved in DevSoc this year, but I decided to just miss this one time for the briefing. Then last night they said there will be a guidance test for sophomores at the same time as the ESS and DevSoc meetings. It really seems that the Universe doesn't want me to go to Madlum. By the way, did I mention that since I'm the ESS' Gawad Kalinga point-person/liaison I should be active in GK activities as well, and that they'll be having a build this weekend, the same day as the ecotour? <_<

PS: Now that I'm typing this I just remembered we also have to pay for the tour together and after looking in my wallet, just realized that I don't have enough cash with me anyway. Great.

2007-07-02T06:27:00.000-07:00

This ain't for the Superstitious.

If you believe in chain mails and hate passing them on, feel free to stop reading now. ACTUALLY NO, KEEP READING

I really don't believe chain mails. This one tells you something about Chinese astrology and if you won't repost/forward it you will have bad luck. Even though it says it comes from the 35 year old book, there's something about the wording and language usage that tells me the whole bad luck thing is a bunch of bullcrap on a stick, trust me. But if you still believe that stuff, by all means stop now. To quote Kenot from who's blog I got this from:
"I'm posting this because I want to share it, not to pass it. Feel free not to repost to your blogs or whatever."

If not for the unbelievably flattering accuracy of my zodiac description, I wouldn't have post this.Hahaha. Find yours and see if it's flatteringly accurate as well.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Once you have read this, there's no turning back. Below are the original descriptions of the 12 zodiac signs, with traits from a book written 35 years ago by an astrologic predictor. Read your sign, then forward/repost it on, with your zodiac sign and label on the subject line, This is real deal, try ignoring it, and the first thing you'll notice is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning - and it only gets worse from there.

SCORPIO - The Addict
EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humour. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

VIRGO - The One that Waits
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LIBRA - The Lame One
Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! however not the kind of person you wanna mess with ... u might end up crying... 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

ARIES - The Liar
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, Addictive. Loud. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water
Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. 2 years of bad luck if you do not forward

GEMINI - Irresistible
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in the you know where... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward

LEO - The Lion
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CANCER - The Cutie
MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak. Spontaneous. Great telling stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to. 12 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

PISCES - The Partner for Life
Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Fun to be around. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. 5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to own Gemini's in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

TAURUS - The Tramp
Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give.
Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone They meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in the you know where..!!!
Not the kind of person you wanna mess with- you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

2007-06-29T05:40:00.000-07:00

Interview with a DS Major

I'm seriously starting to regret my committing to alot of things. This afternoon seems to be a foreshadowing of things to come. My CRC meeting clashed with Gawad General Assembly and apparently the cheer rally, all of which I wanted to attend. CRC took priority of being the first. Now it seems schedules will be swamping me throughout the year. I guess I'll have to pick up the technique of "picking which battles to fight" or I'll seriously get smothered by extracurriculars. Losing focus on my academics is something I can't afford to do.

It was a rather interesting time in the CRC meeting. By the way CRC stands for Coral Reefs Champions, the volunteer arm of the Institute of Social Order. I participated in their seminar in Camarines last October. Apparently it wasn't a one time stint. Now were called the "core volunteers" that will spearhead the next stage of ISO-CRC operations (Or that's what I understood our job description will be). It seems we'll be taking on a task bigger than ourselves. We were talking about ISO operations in Quezon, Camarines Norte and Camarines Sur, different NGO tie-ups, meeting with local volunteers and fund-raising activities. Daunting as I see it, but rewarding. I might get to see Camarines again and more.

I was surprised that, of all the other volunteers for CRC might be, the ones there were a bunch of DS majors. There were 8 of us, Ate Jaya, Kuya Lemarc, Mikey and me, the ones who went to Camarines last year and 4 other DS majors. I was surprised to know that they had served with ISO already and that they are more active than we are. Our Camarines stay was only 3 days. 2 of them stayed for a month.

I haven't really had much contact with the DS family. I'm more in touch with the ES majors with all my environmental affairs. Now I get to meet a bunch of them in the least likely place I would expect. It's great to meet them and all, but with that my distinction of being the only DS-ES cross (to my knowledge) is lost. I'm not unique anymore again. Haha.

2007-06-27T06:07:00.000-07:00

Changes

I have absolutely no talent concerning picking color schemes or anything about design. Or coding for that matter. So I need some feed back on the changes I made on my this here blog. Like are the color text and background combinations painful to the eyes? Also if you can give a tip on coding blogspot that would be helpful. I like to put back my old star scape background but I don't know how do it.

---
I have 4 applications to fill up tonight. ESS Finance AVP, ALAC, Gawad Kalinga and DevSoc applications form. Oh there is also the CRC they are calling us for on Friday. I hope this lot of extra-curricular orgs will fill in the relatively light academic load I seem to have that is very unexciting. Barring sudden shifts in subject matter or teaching styles, the only problem subject I can foresee is Socio-Anthro and perhaps Theo. The rest can be done with minimal effort.

Extracurriculars is what gives spice to my college life, and what probably saves me from going insane with the monotony of academics and being bored to death at the same time.

2007-06-24T06:53:00.000-07:00

NSTP

Yesterday's NSTP orientation was just...useless. A poor recreation of ORSEM that only made us sit through 2 hours of heat trying to teach us something we have already assumed as the main job of NSTP. Aside from ordering our NSTP t-shirts, it was all a big fuss for something that could have been done in a classroom. As least that way we'll have fans

After that, I went with Julius and did the usual McDota routine - Eat first at Mcdo and play DotA, or the other way around; an old high school tradition. We were chatting in Mcdo when I spot a cute girl two tables over with a guy. I actually prolonged our conversation because I cannot bring myself to get up and go home even though it was already getting late. And all the while I was thinking she was there with this guy having fun and I'm here sitting with Julius talking about why we lost the game. Then it hit me; I'll never get a girlfriend this way. Sure it's fun to hang around with Julius, at least I have company, but I usually have to sacrifice the rest of my time and attention,that sometimes I feel like I'm suddenly cut-off from the rest of the world. The occasional man-date with Julius is fine and all, but dammit I need a girlfriend.

Today I had one of the most fun days I had for quite a while. It was with my friends after the cotillion practice for a debut this Saturday. We had fun talking around a table each with a plate of spaghetti, sharing old stories, making fun of each other, making jokes and just plain laughing our hearts out with every comment. It feels like I'm back in high school, and having fun like the good ol' days, the kind I never have in college. Ateneo has a more 'mature' kind of fun. Well, I am in college now, so I have to accept that.

I have a cute partner for the cotillion. It's funny though cuz 2 of my friends have taken a liking to her and vice versa. I know this cuz I'm an expert at reading body language - how come? Because that's what you learn at just staring at women for long periods of time. Anyway, my point in saying this is that I find it funny that they're forming this crush-triangle with each other while I'm the partner of the cute girl. Ain't it supposed to be me who's part of the triangle and not out of the loop, er, corners?

2007-06-14T06:26:00.000-07:00

2nd Year has begun!

Actually me being a sophomore has started yesterday, but being so tired I decided to put off posting until tonight. Actually, I'm also tired tonight - maybe its that biodisk taking effect on me. Lol Julius.

Anywho, in a nutshell this is my take on my 1st sem as a second year student (Oh God time flies so fast make it stop. I don't want to grow yet that fast.) Sched's a drag, but I can't really complain once I compare that to my friends that are taking Nursing - 7 to 7 classes in a single classroom with only a short break. I should consider myself lucky (So should you).

As for my profs and subjects I already got a good first impression off them I think. I can't tell whether my Economics professor is good or not, but I can tell it will be hard to listen to her. History will be fun even though it's Asian, I expect this will be an easy B (ehhemm..) from our young freshly graduated teacher. Apparently self-defense PE class translates to Muay Thai (Thai kick boxing for those who don't know) which means we will be taught to defend ourselves wearing expensive mini-shorts.

Our Theo class has shown itself to be interesting. Fr. Roche comes highly recommended and with his introductory philosophizing I believe this course will be both challenging and fulfilling. What I fear is that Julius will engage him in a theological debate that will give Fr. Roche a heart attack in frustration. We will see tom if I'm right.

French = Fun. I know I'll love that course even if they give tons of requirements. Fil is... I dunno. I'm not a big fan Filipino. Our teacher is very gay though, it both sense of the word, and I don't quite see yet how will that translate into the course. And lastly our SA teacher appears to know what see is talking about, problem is we cannot hear what she is talking about. Tons of readings too.

First impressions in a nutshell. Quite a wordy nutshell

2007-05-31T05:52:00.000-07:00

The Best Wedding Ever

It was the best wedding I've ever seen. It wasn't at all perfect, not like the fancy formal church ceremonies or the sunlit garden weddings filled with teary-eyed relatives. The sky was dark with clouds and it was raining fiercely. Only the groom's father was there, and even he was standing well away. There were no flowers, no fancy clothes, no bridesmaids and a best man, not even a ring. But there they were, the couple standing in the middle of the torrent, shouting their vows over the noise of the falling rain, and sealing it all with a kiss,heedless of the raging world around them even as if all was already coming to an end.

And all of this happened aboard a ship under attack by the Flying Dutchman.

Yes, I'm talking about that scene from Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End where Will and Elizabeth get married amidst the raging battle aboard the deck of the Black Pearl. I've gotta hand it to Jerry Bruckheimer and the rest of the PotC producers, for they outdid themselves with this one. It was spectacular to put it lightly, with the rain, the whirlpool, the CG creatures, the sword fighting, the cannon blasts and the flying chunks of wood.

All of this elements combine to make a scene reminiscent of the Lord of the Rings and it's "the-world-is-ending-so-we-do-what-we-can" dramatic vibe. It's sort of a weird mix of an adrenaline-pumping battle scene with a sudden mushy lovefest amidst it all that makes your (fine, my) heart warm before throwing you back into that adrenaline pool. It's a sanctuary from the action that you share with the characters, that for a brief moment, you see their perfect wedding where all there is is their love, even as the world around them is falling to an end, so to speak. It's the best wedding I've ever seen I tell you. By the way, sorry for the mushiness, I just enjoy romantic moments :P

SPOILER WARNING

It's kinda sad though that Will has to do his time as the Captain of the Flying Dutchman. For those of you who missed Davy Jones' explanation, he has the job of ferrying souls who died at sea to the other side of...well I guess the sea and do this for ten years, where every ten years he has a chance to step on land for 1 day. 1 day, every ten years - sucks ain't it? That's why Davy Jones is so bitter. Now if you connected the dots that means the cute couple of Will and Elizabeth can only meet once every ten years, as seen in the post-credit scene where Elizabeth walks to the shore with her 9-yr old son and see Will green-flash his way back into the mortal world.

Don't worry, the writers of the PotC says, for there was a deleted scene where Davy Jones continues his explanation that if Calypso met him on that day, his term of service aboard the Dutchman will be broken -the why poor ol' Jones is heartbroken. Now since Elizabeth met will that day, his curse was broken, and so presumably they lived happily ever after, well, until they make Pirates of the Caribbean 4. They just had to make do of a ten year separation -I guess that's better than nothing.

2007-05-28T07:49:00.000-07:00

No such thing as a free lunch...or is there?

Julius was just here a couple of hours ago doing a sales pitch to my mom. For those of you who don't know Julius, he's my business-oriented blockmate who joined this networking company, Quest.net, who also wants me to join said company. I'll break this down for you the simplest way I can.

Quest.net is a company that sells different products like gold. Julius joined as an "independent representative (IR)", like an insurance salesman I guess. He earns his commission by selling the products of the company plus by getting those people to join the company too as IR's (=networking). To join the company you have to either buy something expensive like a $600 gold coin collection or sell a company product to two people. The bottom line is that the promise is as long as you remain active, you will continue to earn and if you are passionate, then you are paving your way to your own early retirement.

It is easier to buy something from the company than to get two people to buy something from a company you don't belong to to join. But that will mean shelling out a lot of cash to do so. That's where Julius comes in.

He said a client of his bought a product. That means he has the opportunity now to join the company, however, he doesn't want to take it. Now Julius is looking for someone to take this opportunity before it becomes wasted, and he is looking at me, or rather, my mom. You see, since last year he has been bugging me to join his company, and to be honest more than once has the thought crossed my mind of actually joining. Arwin and I even had the "December plan", the get-$600-somehow-and-join-Quest-by-December-2006 plan, which kinda lost steam along the way. But now Julius is offering the chance to join for FREE.

Sad thing is that I'm not yet of legal age, i.e. 18 to join legally. Oh how it's so fun and sad to be young. That's why Julius tried to pitch it to my mom instead, do that when I do become legal she can pass it on to me. But my mom is reluctant to join. I said just join for me and I'll do all the work.

I really want my mom to take this opportunity. As Julius says it, it's risk free AND totally free. I'm ready to take that challenge on. What attracts me is the for FREE part, but to be honest when I think about the work attached to it, the seminars, the training, the sales talks, I get discouraged and I hear a voice in my head goes "I don't want to do that". But that's why I like to take it now. The "for free" offer is only for a limited time, and scraping together Php30,000 to enter the company is something I'm not really keen on doing, given a much cheaper alternative is already on my doorstep.

Besides, that's how I get over my inhibitions and second thoughts. I stop thinking it over, close my eyes and just jump into it, head first risk and all. That's me, volunteer like hell and don't think while I'm doing it. So I hope my mom says yes. I see the opportunity dangling in front of my face and there are no strings attached. It really looks like a free lunch to me.

2007-05-19T08:06:00.001-07:00

Eureka!

For those of you who don't read the newspapers, here is an interesting article from the Science/Health section of today's issue of the Inquirer that I'd very much like to share. The column is titled "Eureka!" and the author is Queena Lee Chua, who again for of you who don't know is a professor of math and psych at Ateneo. Let me share you the interesting parts of the article.

Math and Literature:Here is a poem by Mike Keith, a software engineer in the United States

Poe, E.
Near a Raven
Midnights so dreary, tired and weary.
Silently pondering volumes extolling all by-now obsolete lore.
During my rather long nap - the weirdest tap!
An ominous vibrating sound disturbing my chamber's antedoor.
"This", I whispered quietly, "I ignore".

Perfectly, the intellect remembers: the ghostly fires, a glittering ember.
Inflamed by lightning's outbursts, windows cast penumbras upon this floor.
Sorrowful, as one mistreated, unhappy thoughts I heeded:
That inimitable lesson in elegance - Lenore -
Is delighting, exciting...nevermore.

Ominously, curtains parted (my serenity outsmarted),
And fear overcame my being - the fear of "forevermore".
Fearful foreboding abided, selfish sentiment confided,
As I said, "Methinks mysterious traveler knocks afore.
A man is visiting, of age threescore."

Taking little time, briskly addressing something: "Sir," (robustly)
"Tell what source originates clamorous noise afore?
Disturbing sleep unkindly, is it you a-tapping, so slyly?
Why, devil incarnate!--" Here completely unveiled I my antedoor--
Just darkness, I ascertained - nothing more.

While surrounded by darkness then, I persevered to clearly comprehend.
I perceived the weirdest dream...of everlasting "nevermores".
Quite, quite, quick nocturnal doubts fled - such relief! - as my intellect said,
(Desiring, imagining still) that perchance the apparition was uttering a whispered "Lenore".
This only, as evermore.

Silently, I reinforced, remaining anxious, quite scared, afraid,
While intrusive tap did then come thrice - O, so stronger than sounded afore.
"Surely" (said silently) "it was the banging, clanging window lattice."
Glancing out, I quaked, upset by horrors hereinbefore,
Perceiving: a "nevermore".

Completely disturbed, I said, "Utter, please, what prevails ahead.
Repose, relief, cessation, or but more dreary 'nevermores'?"
The bird intruded thence - O, irritation ever since! -
Then sat on Pallas' pallid bust, watching me (I sat not, therefore),
And stated "nevermores".

Bemused by raven's dissonance, my soul exclaimed, "I seek intelligence;
Explain thy purpose, or soon cease intoning forlorn 'nevermores'!"
"Nevermores", winged corvus proclaimed - thusly was a raven named?
Actually maintain a surname, upon Pluvious seashore?
I heard an oppressive "nevermore".

My sentiments extremely pained, to perceive an utterance so plain,
Most interested, mystified, a meaning I hoped for.
"Surely," said the raven's watcher, "separate discourse is wiser.
Therefore, liberation I'll obtain, retreating heretofore -
Eliminating all the 'nevermores' ".

Still, the detestable raven just remained, unmoving, on sculptured bust.
Always saying "never" (by a red chamber's door).
A poor, tender heartache maven - a sorrowful bird - a raven!
O, I wished thoroughly, forthwith, that he'd fly heretofore.
Still sitting, he recited "nevermores".

The raven's dirge induced alarm - "nevermore" quite wearisome.
I meditated: "Might its utterances summarize of a calamity before?"
O, a sadness was manifest - a sorrowful cry of unrest;
"O," I thought sincerely, "it's a melancholy great - furthermore,
Removing doubt, this explains 'nevermores' ".

Seizing just that moment to sit - closely, carefully, advancing beside it,
Sinking down, intrigued, where velvet cushion lay afore.
A creature, midnight-black, watched there - it studied my soul, unawares.
Wherefore, explanations my insight entreated for.
Silently, I pondered the "nevermores".

"Disentangle, nefarious bird! Disengage - I am disturbed!"
Intently its eye burned, raising the cry within my core.
"That delectable Lenore - whose velvet pillow this was, heretofore,
Departed thence, unsettling my consciousness therefore.
She's returning - that maiden - aye, nevermore."

Since, to me, that thought was madness, I renounced continuing sadness.
Continuing on, I soundly, adamantly forswore:
"Wretch," (addressing blackbird only) "fly swiftly - emancipate me!"
"Respite, respite, detestable raven - and discharge me, I implore!"
A ghostly answer of: "nevermore".

" 'Tis a prophet? Wraith? Strange devil? Or the ultimate evil?"
"Answer, tempter-sent creature!", I inquired, like before.
"Forlorn, though firmly undaunted, with 'nevermores' quite indoctrinated,
Is everything depressing, generating great sorrow evermore?
I am subdued!", I then swore.

In answer, the raven turned - relentless distress it spurned.
"Comfort, surcease, quiet, silence!" - pleaded I for.
"Will my (abusive raven!) sorrows persist unabated?
Nevermore Lenore respondeth?", adamantly I encored.
The appeal was ignored.

"O, satanic inferno's denizen -- go!", I said boldly, standing then.
"Take henceforth loathsome "nevermores" - O, to an ugly Plutonian shore!
Let nary one expression, O bird, remain still here, replacing mirth.
Promptly leave and retreat!", I resolutely swore.
Blackbird's riposte: "nevermore".

So he sitteth, observing always, perching ominously on these doorways.
Squatting on the stony bust so untroubled, O therefore.
Suffering stark raven's conversings, so I am condemned, subserving,
To a nightmare cursed, containing miseries galore.
Thus henceforth, I'll rise (from a darkness, a grave) -- nevermore!

-- Original: E. Poe
-- Redone by measuring circles.

http://users.aol.com/s6sj7gt/mikerav.htm

Now for those Literature savvy ones out there, you would notice that it mirrors the tone and rhyme of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven", which I'll link here later here for reference. What's amazing about the above poem is that's a "constrained" poem, meaning poetry that obeys one or more artificially-imposed rules. Indeed what's amazing about it that it's constrain is that the number of letters in the words are equal to the digits of Pi; yes, that number in math we use to compute circles with that goes 3.1415-something. You can see it from the title already, 'Poe(3)E(1),Near(4) a(1) Raven(5)". Count every one if you don't believe me, though that is Pi to the 740'th decimal. Here's a link to a copy of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven" since it will be too long for me to post.
http://www.heise.de/ix/raven/Literature/Lore/TheRaven.html

~~~~~~~

Xkcd - self-labeled as "A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language", this website contains one of the most intellectually romantic comedies in comic-style stick-figure drawings. Its the place for those romantic geeks out there like me (100% romantic, only 50% geek FYI). Here is my favorite

300 ways to kill boredom

2007-05-15T02:19:00.000-07:00

I
just like to share an insight I had lately. I have been watching 300
over and over again (yes, that exaggeratedly awesome movie involving
300 Spartans and 10,000 abs), studying battle scenes and combat
choreography just because I had nothing better to do. Now to me this is
one if not the best movie I've ever watched, and its not just because
of jaw-dropping visual effects and fantastic moves. It, if you watch
carefully and look past the towering mountains of men they call those
hunks of abs with legs, also incorporate elements of a good story and
fantastic film I got to know from Literature class, Movie review
lessons and Reflection essay writing from Sir Serrano. Now I don't like
to go into a lecture, but to me this film is deeper than the man-gore
fest it appears to be.

One aspect of this film people
criticize is the presence of hideously deformed or mutant people, like
the hunchback traitor Ephialtes and the monster-like Immortals (seen
when a mask was knocked off). I've defended that this doesn't really
affect the story, but now I've gotten a better defense.One is that they
are symbolisms, caricatures of characters deformed by their corruption
(like the corrupt Priests of the Oracle or the Immortals). The better
one I have is that you will notice that parts of the movie are narrated
by the Spartan Leonidas sends home, Dilios I think his name was.
Regardless also note that this narration is the recollection of events,
events that he tells to the Spartan army before their charge at the
end. Now, recalling Sir Serrano's lesson about memory; memory takes
alot of artistic freedom. It can be affected by emotions and is
entirely subject to the interpretation of the person doing the
recalling. You get where I'm going with this?

The battle itself
is the narration of events as seen by Dilios, and therefore through
this narrative exaggerations like 1 Spartan pawns 10,000 Persians and
frightful enemies can be introduced without destroying the realism and
relative historical accuracy of the movie.

Lolz, applications of lessons, I never knew I'd see the day.

2007-04-24T06:15:00.000-07:00

RULES: Each player of this game must start off with 10 weird/unknown things/habits about herself/himself as well as state the rules clearly. At the end, you need to choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs.

1.) Whenever I go out of the house I have that annoying nagging feeling that I left something important. Every morning before I leave for school I check my bag almost 5 times to make sure that the stuff I need are there but I couldn't get rid of that feeling. Sometimes though I did leave something behind, but I'm usually halfway to school by then. Oh yeah, this also happens whenever I sit down somewhere. I have that feeling I left something so usually double back twice just to really make sure

2.) I fall asleep immediately on trips. It's like having a switch to just turn of my brain. Even the 15-min trip to the mall I fall asleep in the car almost immediately. I even sleep on my 30-min jeepney commutes to and from school (Also trike rides for that matter). And with that I always wake up exactly on my stop (Katipunan-Petron or Makro). Only over-slept and missed my stop once - and that was the other day.

3.) I'm a really cheap guy. I like to call it thrifty if you will but in whatever case I hate spending. I actually find it weird that I'm the spendthrift in the family. my parent's find it frustrating when the want to buy me something like shoes because they're willing to buy me expensive ones but I'm the one who doesn't want expensive ones. I walk my way to Ateneo from Petron - everyday, even now during summer, because I don't like to spend for trike fare. I even refuse to turn on the aircon because I don't like to jack up the electric bills more. that's why it's easy being an environmentalist for me

4.) Whenever somebody offers me something, I always smile and politely say "No Thank you". even though I really want to accept it. I don't know why. Be it candy or anything, I will always say no even if I want it. Sort of automatic uncontrollable response. So when you offer me something and I say no, I may really want to say yes so ask again.

5.) I could easily tell you the title of a movie showing in HBO(or any channel) in less than 5 seconds as long as I have watched it before. Training I guess. Whenever my parents are watching something they don't know the title to they'll just ask me. Listening to the dialogue without looking or a passing glance at any scene, even an obscure one can identify the movie for me. I don't know if you'll believe me cuz that only ones who can really know are my parents. But I can really do it - As long as I've watched it before. hehe

6.) I'm allergic to math. Honestly, I'm not joking or speaking figuratively. I break out a cold when I'm doing math. I get a runny nose during tests. when you hear someone blowing his nose during a test, it's probably me. But as soon as i leave the room or finish the test, the colds disappear almost immediately. Migraines don't count as allergic reactions to math - thats just natural and apllicable to any test you don't like.

7.) I always sleep under a blanket. Can't sleep without one. Even during this summer heat and I'm sweating like a pig I have to be under a blanket. But I don't have a baby blanket, any blanket will do.

8.)I always cram. Seems perfectly normal for a student maybe, but I've never done something in advance. NEVER. I cannot do anything without a deadline. I've even got a system for it. I only do my assignments at 9pm onwards, anytime before is wasted any way I please. English papers, Lit papers, physics assignments and reports, everything. Finish at 12midnight or earlier, even if there are alot like an english paper and lit report at the same time. what I'll do is prepare everything so that I can cram it like hell the following day before due time.
And this works are due the next day.

9.) I sleep in my parent's room. Practicality and circumstance. Small house, and my room is converted into an attic storage room and my other room in the attic is as hot as hell because of the ceiling space. Also, I cannot sleep alone at night. In the dark I turn all paranoid and stuff (too much horror movies). I can sleep alone if a.) the TV is on (distraction because silence at the dark creeps me out) or b.) the light is on, though won't matter if I'm still alone. At day I can. But my parent's and I don't sleep on the same bed. Have this sleeping mat on the floor.

10.) I am afraid to watch one of my my favorite movies. Yeah, as emo as it sounds I'm afraid to watch A Walk to Remember, but not in a Aaaghh!!!-horror-movie-I'm-scared-type of afraid. I don't like to watch it because I'm afraid I'll turn all emotional when I watch it. It's still my favorite romantic movie, but I'm a hopeless romantic and that movie can just push me over the edge.

I'll wave the tagging other persons rule. Only few people read my blog anyway and there not the one's that's fun to do this game on. Hehe

2007-04-23T06:28:00.000-07:00

Stargazing

Ever noticed I use the pseudonym (or whatever term is applicable) Stargazer alot? My blog is Stargazerspoint, my multiply is stargazersplace, my ym id is stargazer_xv and if you knew, most user names I use over the internet is Stargazer or something of the like. If you saw a player in an internet game with the user name Stargazer, chances are its me (of course there's a bigger chance that it's not).

Last April 21 I saw this exceptionally bright star under the moon. And to my frustration I can't look at it clearly or find out what it really is. I only had binoculars - damn good ones though, could see craters on the moon - but it still only looked like one big bright blur. Then I remembered that that night was the annual meteor shower that I've been trying to catch for the past couple of years, and sad to say, I have to wait another year to have the chance to catch it again.

That's why its become my mission to get me a telescope. No more noob stargazing with binoculars. Its time to become an amateur hobbyist stargazer.A telescope soon (timetable is set at before I turn 20) - I'll buy it with my savings, first job paycheck, cash I get somehow, through ebay, even if I have to make one myself. But through whatever way I'll have to get it somehow. It's more important than buying a car

I love to look at the stars. I love the way the night sky looks. i can't describe the feeling. It's peaceful, serene, perfectly calm and silent. The darkness just kind of sucks in all my emotions and leaves me in a tranquil state. Not to mention that the night sky is utterly beautiful and infinitely romantic. The stars look like diamonds up in the sky, and as cliche as it sounds there's no better way to describe them. And it's sad that only few people can admire them as they are, and only few people can ever truly see them. Its because lights from the city drown the starlight out from the skies and air pollution fouls up the air that you can't see them anymore.

And this is why I'm an environmentalist

The stars are more than just distant lights. They symbolize something more, an impossible goal, a romantic dream, distant guides; only to be admired, forever out of reach. Thats why I love looking at the stars, and that's why I 'm a stargazer.

Cheesy, isn't it? :p

2007-04-15T05:13:00.000-07:00

Summer Sucks

Summer officially sucks. Yesterday I only got to enroll in my Math class and nothing else[PS: Summer enrollment procedure blows]. I didn't get the foreign language class I planned to take and that just made me guiltier for wasting tuition cash for 1 class. Now I'm supposed to go to a 1 and a half hour class at 7:30 in the morning everyday from Monday for to Friday for the next 6 weeks. Thats fare money being spent to go to school and back for one class. Disproportionate spending of cash for 1 stupid subject I tell you.

I just hate it when my plans go to hell. Its an annoying feeling. Its a feeling that everything is ruined. I dunno, I hate the feeling when i don't control the situation, especially one that I planned myself. I have my own way of planning things, and if all goes to plan it's like a well-executed military campaign. And you know whats its like when a military battle goes awry...people become pissed.

Last time one of my plans fell apart this frustratingly was last December and I hated it. Now my mid-term college life planning gets screwed up because of registration procedures. *Sigh*........... anyway, there's only one thing to do wen one's plans fall apart. Take a deep breath, and plan again accordingly.

By the way, the Monday registration thing for my job was clarified and it seems we'll take a different one, which means I don't have to miss first day of summer class. oh great, uninterrupted Math. Whoop dee dee. [/sarcastic]

2007-04-11T06:14:00.000-07:00

Beating the Summer Heat

Every night for the past two weeks I would stay up till past midnight, listening to slow songs on Myx. And every night before I sleep I lay with my eyes open in the dark and look out my window, gazing at the stars and thinking how beautiful the moon is at this hour and how few people know it. And its at these times that I realize that…

GAWD!!! I’M SO EMO!!!

Maybe its just boredom that drives me to think this way. Hell, it’s been almost a month since I last posted anything. For some reason when I’m bored I get lazier and therefore since I don’t do anything I just get more bored. I’m already excited to go to summer class.

Couple weeks ago I received an email about a summer interview job from DevSoc. For those of you who don’t know DevSoc stands for Development Society, my home org and the job is surveying stint for Canadian International Development Agency Pearl-2 Project. Curious and motivated by the perks (cash, being able to put ‘researcher of the Canadian International Development Agency Pearl-2 Project’ In my resume eventually, workshop training. this counting as OJT hours and the satisfaction of getting my first summer job) I inquired and ultimately applied. Arwin said he was also interested but I don’t know if he applied too.

This is a great opportunity for a new experience but my concern is that I’m also gonna be taking summer classes. Of course academics have to come first (can’t believe I just said that) and this might interfere or worse have clashing schedules. I was reassured that it won’t, well, actually told we will be the ones who will make it work. They say that the project will only go through if they get at least ten participants, meaning ten survey subjects per surveyor at the most. They also said we will be the ones who will manage how we will conduct the interview and that we will be trained on how do it. Given that, I decided to apply, and waited if it will indeed push through or not.

And you know what, it did. I received a text yesterday saying that the orientation will be on Monday in Makati. I was excited because I was accepted but quickly became apprehensive. It was at 8 AM, on Monday, the first day of summer class. I’ll have to miss my first day of classes if I will attend the orientation. I hoped this was a one-time clash of schedules thing, because if this was only a foreshadowing of things to come then I’ll have to put my studies as a priority. Or at the very least be stressed out making this work without affecting my grades.

I guess I’ll attend the orientation. I’m hoping it will end early and I’ll be able to run back to Ateneo for my classes, depending on what schedule I get. Well, here’s to beating the summer boredom with a stress stick.

2007-03-18T06:06:00.000-07:00

The Trap of a May Night...

My stressful week has just ended...And left me a cough and a nagging headache. Anyway, with the end of my hell week came our class play - and what an amazing play it was, if I do say so myself.

Well, to be fair I haven't seen other plays made by the other English blocks, but judging by our production, effort and teamwork, I say ours was more than an amateur class production. As Kevin put it, it was like a small event already by an org. In comparison, no high school production I've seen can match what we have put together. Not that I'm being cruel at my alma mater - on the contrary, I love my high school - I'm just saying that what we did was beyond that level.

Okay, so I may be exaggerating quite a bit, but you can't blame me: We've rented 500W halogen floor lamps, fabricated several house design props, transferred a complete sala set's worth of furniture from different houses to Cervini, fixed up the background of the venue, took quite an acting workshop (the main actors at least), produced two sets of tickets, took an effort to provide proper costumes, took ballroom dancing lessons (me included), got a cello-ist and violinist to play, set up a professional lights cue, reserved numerous places in the course of the month for practices and got the help of 3 Tanghalang Ateneo trained people to put our little production together, which, by the way lasted only in a little over 30 minutes.

But the result was spectacular (again, I may be biased. Right, I am biased). I was still a bit doubtful up to the presentation itself, but when it was play time, everything clicked together. I was amazed, I was stunned, I was awestruck. The lighting, the musical background, the acting - oh God the acting. the Actors performed beyond my expectations, and by the look of the audience, beyond theirs as well. It was truly a sign - this is college, and everything is up a notch. I wish some of my other friends could have watched it. Those who I have invited didn't come *sigh*

There was another memorable thing that happened during that Friday. I was asked to look for an amp for our play, and managed to borrow K's, which is in Anna's condo. Skipping unnecessary details, I came to Xanland with a copy of Ann's unit key since she said she might not be there and I could just pick it up myself. Arriving there I decided to ring the bell before trying to use the key. Waited 3 seconds and thought that nobody was there so I tried to open the door. To my surprise, I found it unlocked so I let myself in. Guess Anna was home. The bedroom was closed, and even as I was closing the front door I heard the bedroom door clamoring open. I quickly jumped into the kitchen, thinking I could scare Anna senseless. To my surprise, it wasn't Anna, but some girl I haven't seen in my life.

And the look on her face was priceless!It was pure terror. I was shocked at first but seeing that look just made me smile. Well, I may be cruel now: she was in the condo of her friend all comfortable when she suddenly sees a guy- not at all good-looking- she doesn't know invade what is supposed to be her safe zone. You could imagine what she thought -or felt. She could have thought Stalker, murder, kidnapper, burglar, mugger, and dare I say it, rapist?
Anyway, that shocked gasping look actually got repeated several times since there actually a group of girls inside the bedroom. Sensing it was getting out of hand, and that the girl I scared white may be suffocating already since it already must have been a few good seconds since she got a proper breath of air, I called Anna to finally end their shock. she realized it was me and finally explained to her friends. They were relieved.

Well, most of them anyway. I got the amp and left. Anna said that she herself was scared. Well, again I can't blame her. i am sorry for the girl I scared the bejesus out off. That must have been traumatic. Well, really my fault I guess. I was purposely approaching her while she was gasping her entire lung capacity out repeatedly after I saw that she was shocked and afraid. I was being naughty I guess. *sly smile*Hehe.

PS: When you live in a condo or dorm, don't forget to lock your doors, even when you are inside.

2007-03-14T06:42:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to post something profound and meaningful, but since I've been bot busy and lazy, I'll just post a couple of things so that my blog won't appear deserted...ooh, tumbleweed..

Literature class has thought me one important thing: If you think you made good poems in highschool when you were going all emo about your love life(this doesn't apply to me though), THINK AGAIN. There is more to it than just chaining a couple of rhyming words and sentimental phrases. Get Pulan as your teacher and you'll know why.
Anywho, here are my cracks on making a "proper" poem as per training in Lit 14:

Riddles of a Thirsty Man

An oasis of a thousand minute fountains
An effervescent lake at eventide
And on its surface a frozen sliver of moonlight
As cold as a dew drop on a blade of grass
As sweet as when your love is in sight
A black sea within a glass you can hold
Whose sweet waters glow red against the light
Oh what refreshing joy it is to have untold
To drink Winter's sable-scarlet nectar on a summers night

If you got the meaning of that I'll give you a cookie :D
___________________________________________________________
Science Transcendent

Why does the World tread the Sun’s path
‘round through day and night?
Or the Moon cling to the Earth’s shadow
in eternal starlight?
Why does the Salmon suffer the frozen rage
unforgiving?
Of the lonely River that runs to the Sea
unending?
What gives Stone the strength to endure
against the endless Time?
Or the Vine to escape the Earthen clutch
and climb?
What sculpts the lowly Carbon, black
and unflattering?
And make a crystal Diamond, brilliant
And glittering?
In God’s wisdom known, what in Man’s hidden;
the Truth in all that has been said before
What Science’ knowledge has yet to prove;
The Universe is bound and swayed by Love

just allusions and metaphorical images.

Blogthings
When bored, answer blogthings! hehe

Your True Love Is a Taurus

Why you'll love a Taurus:

Romantic and sentimental, a Taurus can provide you with the security you need.
And you both share a fondness for the finest things, from great food to luxury vacations.

Why a Taurus will love you:

You have the honesty and direct approach that down to earth Taurus desires.
And enough elegance to show a Taurus a few new decadent delights!

What Sign Is Your True Love?

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom

What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

Brown? No shit

You Are The Fool

You are a fascinating person who is way beyond the concerns of this world.
Young at heart, you are blissfully unaware of any dangers ahead.
You are a true wanderer - it has be difficult finding your place in this world.
Full of confidence, you are likely to take a leap of faith.

Your fortune:

You are about to embark on a new phase in your life.
This may mean changing locations, jobs, friends, or love status.
You are open about what the future will bring, and free of worry.
You have made your peace with fate, and you're ready to start down your new path.

What Tarot Card Are You?

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.
You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.
People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused.
But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Well, that's all for this time. Still waiting for that profound post...

2007-02-25T05:19:00.000-08:00

Random February Thoughts

Haven't really gotten a good thought,experience or epiphany about the workings of the universe to explore in writing, but its been a while since I posted anything so I'll just post random thoughts about...well, randomness. You did read the title right?

Got my haircut. Been in my to-do list for a long time and got tired of planning it and just went for it.
Got new chucks. Yey
Bought my own shades. I would have liked it better if I got a high-class one from Julius but the summer sun is starting to drive me insane.
To hell with this summer heat. didn't even wait till March. Super cold and annoyingly hot and humid is abnormal within the space of a month.
Our Physics class is cool.
I saw the US ambassador last Friday playing tennis.
I dreamt about my effing note cards three consecutive times last Saturday. This was after I was scared half to death when I thought I lost my envelope.
Dreaming about your note cards isn't fun at all.
I've stopped caring about love and everything related to it.
Trying to write a poem without inspiration is hard.
Acting workshops are interesting.
My happiest thought is also my saddest
I don't feel anything when listening to love songs.
Going to Bible Studies are interesting.
I'm procrastinating...alto
Playing DotA is basically the highlight of an ordinary college day.
Cervini caf is a great place to hang-out in.
I miss being in high school
I don't want to go back to high school
I don't mind going back to high school
I'm paranoid when a certain type of knife and/or candy bar is somewhere near me.

Well ,that's basically what I can think of right now. Guess that's that. I may add somethings if I could think of it

2007-02-14T04:54:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentines Day.

yeah, I know you guys just celebrated your day with your significant other, or at least wished it. I unfortunately don't have one myself.

Pretty funny I guess. Here am I thinking that I can ask out any girl already but when the opportunity presented itself I found myself frozen, unable to move or say a word. I was still able to ask her out though, eventually. It didn't turn out exactly the way I pictured it, and so I couldn't call it a date. Hung-out maybe and catched up, but not a date. It made my Valentines fun though. Not romantic as couples had, or depressing as single people watching their "loves" with someone else, but just fun. A fun that made me smile and forget my past.

Damn. Where did my wittyness go? I can write a better post than that. I'm supposed to be inspired with all the love choking the air today. I guess all the sap is preventing me from thinking clearly. Or I'm just too tired. Screw it, I'm sleepy. Happy Valentines again.

2007-02-05T02:20:00.000-08:00

Trek to the Top of Taal: following the dusty horseshit path

Now here's a good way to escape the Valentinian cold spell; go someplace warm, like say, the top of an active volcano. That's exactly what we did yesterday. The freshmen ES block's Geo class had a field trip and an invitation was extended to the rest of ESS. And of course yours truly, the ever adventurous environmentalist, just had to tag along. The fee was worth it.

We went at dawn and after a pretty uneventful trip we arrived in the Philvocs building along the shore of Taal lake. Soon enough we started boarding the boats that will take us to the island. There were four boats, 7 or 8 people to one, so that puts our number at 30 something. The boat ride was fun. I was chatting with our boatman-driver/person while fixing my cheap life vest, enjoying the wind while we sped at 40-something kph across the lake. Every so often the waves will break against the banca that resulted in a water spray that we tried our best to avoid. well, except Kuya Lemarc.

After that fun commute we landed on the island, strolled across a surprising black sand seashell beach speckled with horse crap and entered a sort of tourism base camp. Now the horse crap on the beach made sense,because the camp is where tourist who want to have a more convenient ride to the top of Taal could take a horse ride up the trail for a fee. Being the more adventurous trekkers, not to mention maybe cheap, we decided to take the road on foot. We laughed our way up the steep trail, through whatever tiredness we were experiencing, watching as foreigners comfortable on horseback overtook us. The hike was fine,enjoyable even. its just the trail that things inconvenient. The path was made of fine dirt, like volcanic ash that is easily stirred into the air and create a cloud of dust given the slightest disturbance. Now add the horses that trot past us every so often, the tourists on foot not to mention ourselves, and a steady wind, and you get a dust cloud that blinds, chokes and clings to your sandals(or shoes) and to the sweat and oil on your face. The other thing about that trail is the unbelievable amount of horse crap on the road. Maybe you'll thing I'm exaggerating if I try to describe it, so I'll just leave it at that. You'll have to step on it for yourself.

We stopped at the crater rim camp to rest while the Geo class did their thing collecting samples and stuff. The view of the crater was cool. We followed another path and walked along the edge of the crater rim, a sheer drop to the crater on one side and a somewhat bushy fall on the other(note, no railings). 30 minutes hasn't gone by yet before we started back down(nice, wasn't it?) but the trip down the same dirt and horseshit ridden path was easier cuz it was downhill.

The boat ride back was the best part of the Taal experience in my biased opinion. it was noon and a steady lake breeze was blowing and the waves were starting to gain height. Without regard for speed, safety and apparently his passengers desire to be dry our boat driver/man sped across the lake with perhaps the best speed our little banca can do. We crashed against wave after wave, at first thinking the random splashes were manageable until we realized the driver was serious in letting us feel the whole Taal experience. Soon we gave up as we realized there was nothing we could do as the random splashes became a continuous shower that soaked us through. We just gave up and made the 20 minute journey a water park ride of our own.

We arrived back in the Philvocs building dripping wet and regretting we didn't pack extra shorts and underwear(for the most of us at least, including me). We attempted
to get dry as best we can, even sunbathing while eating our lunches. My shorts and underwear didn't get dry, remaining uncomfortably damp and cold on my crotch and legs throughout the same uneventful trip home.

That's how fun it is to be in the ESS. Visit my multiply to see the pics. Hehe

2007-01-31T04:53:00.000-08:00

It will be Cold in the Month of Love...

Literally. Its really freaking cold. They say its normal for the start of the year to be cold but after the warm spell of December up until, well, this Sunday, I would have expected the heat to last till summer. That's climate change for ya.(*cough*startlisteningtoenvironmentlistspeople*cough*)
There are only two kinds of people who won't be affected by the unexpected cold. Those wearing sweaters, and couples. Yeah, single people like me would just have to rough it without the warmth of another...

sweater. Its always warmer if you have two sweaters.

But anyway, seeing it is February, there is some sort of figurative irony for it being cold. Single people get it doubly -physically and emotionally. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being a bleeding heart here being all tear-jerky and stuff. I can take seeing people cuddling and doing whatnot under blankets right in front of me. But being surrounded by that thick, sappy displays of affection all over campus is just not...

conducive to learning.

The universe is inherently balanced, and it will always seek that balance. That's why when its cold, we seek for warmth. I've had my perfect February and a wonderful Valentines day. This year is my balance. And nothing says that better to me than freezing me at night when I sleep thinking and wishing that I can have the warmth of another...

blanket. Yey. Go Climate Change *sarcastic*

2007-01-30T05:03:00.000-08:00

It Continues...

Still incredibly effing lazy. I'm losing steam! All I'm looking forward too now are tv shows, movie showings, the ocassional DotA games, free time, break time and more free time where all I do is sit back and wait for the next round of break time comes around after the coming hour of whatever work. Oh well, back to highschool routine I guess. I'm actually glad that I've reached second sem beofre growing lazy again. Small consolation to the fact that I'm starting to do badly in academics. Well, not that badly - yet. Some assignments here and there, not reviewing for a quiz, and generally getting not-too high grades.

You know what, my mother's incessant guilt-tripping on me is actually starting to come through to me. Whenever I ask for permission to go somewhere they always allow me, like this coming sunday's Taal trip, but after that comes a 30-minute discussion about me "doing my responsibilities" and "not letting my graded fall". And now, seeing that my grades are indeed somewhat slipping, I am starting to feel a bit guilty about abusing my parents long leash on me...

Late New Years Resolution: Get grades back up. Need to get into a caffeine induced rush. *slaps self repeatedly*

(Curse blogger problems for delaying this post for a week)

2007-01-16T04:29:00.000-08:00

The Muses are eating my Bread of Salt...

Its been 16 days into the new year and I've only to blog now, even if there has been alot already that happened that I can write about. There's Alex's birthday, then our Exposure trip to Haven for Children in Alabang, and then Mon's rockin' debut, but i haven't felt the drive to write them down. I also felt bored and increasingly lazy this past weeks, almost lethargic. I'm sleeping in almost every class, and my hold over responsibility of doing my requirements are starting to slip.

What's coming over me? Is it that DotA has been corrupting my mind to numbness? Has Shakespeare overloaded my simple brain with his genius? What has happened to my mojo?

I know why. I have no more inspiration. No higher purpose to aspire to. No goal worthaiming for. Sure people will say studies, and academics, and my future, and everything else related. But to me that not a goal. Thats a mission, something that has to be done, not something I willingly do for my own satisfaction. There is no passion there that drives me.They say that excellence is 99% perpiration, 1% inspiration (or whatever the percentage it may be), but without that 1%, it will be hell or high water before you can make me perspire.

I'm an idealist, a romantic. And there I'll admit it for the past years my inspiration has been a girl. I'm the personification of the boy in "The Bread of Salt". Everything I did in highschool - yes everything, even unto the first semester of college - has an underlying motive that I can trace, and its all because of a girl. I joined the CAT, I ran for student government office, I embarrassed myself dancing, I stayed nights, woke up early, did work, all in a grand scheme of sorts for that girl. I'd like to quote a phrase in that story but I don't have the book. And if you know the story and what to that boy, you'll know what happened to me and why the turn of the new year has left me uninspired. Nothing about eggyolk things to me though.

I need a higher purpose, a motivation, a burning passion that can give me an impetus to start moving again. I need someone to push me off my ass and make my responsibilities worthwhile. I need someone to think about and take up my free time, because if not, then I'll be just idle and I don't want to think about DotA or Shakespeare or political bull or nothing at all all day
I say Love is the engine of the soul...and Hope is the fuel...
*************************************************************************************
My thoughts on recent events:
Alex's birthday. Kewl...I love Xanland's rooftop
Exposure trip: It was an nice experience, all that I can say
Mon's Debut: One of the best parties I've been (just goes to show you to how many parties and the quality of the parties I've been to)
Notecards: A piece of Hell on earth
Shakespeare and King Lear: oh God please don't remind me about King Lear...Shakespeare to much of a genius for me.
"Like flies to wanton boys are we to the teachers - they kill us for their sport. They don't want us to enjoy are weekends" - fave quote from Sir Pulan

2006-12-31T08:15:00.000-08:00

The post I was writing as a year ender was wiped out by a freak voltage drop so I'll just settle for greeting you guys

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! GOOD BYE 2006 HELLO 2007!!!

2006-12-28T07:42:00.000-08:00

Blogthings
This quizzes I found out from Icai are amusingly right most,if not all of the time. Try some for yourselves. They tell you alot of things about yourself(most in my case I already know. hehe) Here are some of mine.

This one made me laugh. Alot of things here made sense (to me) :P

Your Life Path Number is 9

Your purpose in life is to make the world better
You are very socially conscious and a total idealist.
You think there are many things wrong with the world, and you want to fix them.
You have a big idea of how to world could be, and you'll sacrifice almost anything to work towards this dream.
In love, you can easily see the beauty in someone else. And you never cling too tightly.
You are capable of great love, but it's hard for you to focus your love on one person or relationship.
You have a lot of outward focus, and you tend to blame the world for your failures.
You are often disappointed by the realities of life - it's hard for you to accept the shortcomings of the world.

What Is Your Life Path Number?

Already Expected this one. Hehe

You Are A Romantic

You life your life like a fairy tale... or at least you try to.
Living for magical moments, you believe there's only one true love for you.
Love is the most important thing in your life, and you don't take it for granted.
Your perfect match loves to be in love as much as you do!

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

That was amazingly short. And amazingly quite true?

Your Personality Profile

You are funky, outdoorsy, and down to earth.
While you may not be a total hippie...
You're definitely one of the most free spirited people around.

You are very impulsive - every day is a new adventure.
However, you do put some thought behind all your actions.
Still, you do tend to shock and offend people from time to time!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Cool. Hehe

You Have Fantastic Karma

You are a kind, sensitive, and giving person.
And all your good deeds will pay off - if they haven't already.
But you're not so concerned with what you get in return anyway.
You have an innate caring nature - and nothing can change that!

How's Your Karma?

Uhuh...

You Are a Prophet Soul

You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone.
Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people.
Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run.
No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way.

You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle.
Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings.
A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning.
You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

People Envy Your Compassion

You have a kind heart and an unusual empathy for all living creatures. You tend to absorb others' happiness and pain.
People envy your compassion, and more importantly, the connections it helps you build. And compassionate as you are, you feel for them.

What Do People Envy About You?

Makes sense...

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."

Conscientiousness:

You have low conscientiousness.
Impulsive and off the wall, you don't take life too seriously.
Unfortunately, you sometimes end up regretting your snap decisions.
Overall, you tend to lack focus, and it's difficult for you to get important things done.

Agreeableness:

You have high agreeableness.
You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.
Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.
You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.

Neuroticism:

You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is medium.
You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.
But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.
You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

Well...

You Are An INFP

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

What's Your Personality Type?

COOL. I always wondered what will I be in the cast of Narnia. Hehe

You Are a Centaur

In general, you are a very cautious and reserved person.
However, you are also warm hearted, and you enjoy helping others in practical ways.
You are a great teacher, and you are really good at helping people get their lives in order.
You are very intuitive, and you go with your gut. You make good decisions easily.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

If I do have leadership skills, then this quiz was true: it is hidden

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others.
You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around.
The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it.
Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Small but Terrible. Haha

Star Wars Horoscope for Sagittarius

You are superbly wise and have been known to spread your wisdom widely.
You are impatient and pushy when people take your teachings too lightly.
And your philosophical side always peeks through.

Star wars character you are most like: Yoda

What Is Your Star Wars Horoscope?

There are actually more I tried, but too many to share. Hehe

2006-12-25T04:59:00.000-08:00

Merry Merry Christmas!!!
Turned 17, Shattered delusions – the best birthday gift I ever got

It's been 10 days since my birthday and I've been putting off updating my blog because I either wasn't feeling too industrious to type or was just too bored to do it, but mostly because of Christmas parties. My birthday always coincides with Christmas parties. Now I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing; good because it frees me (most of the time) from the responsibility of treating people and bad because it means people won’t be giving me two gifts. I don’t really mind (/care) if people don’t give me gifts. I’m not materialistic. What I do appreciate are experiences, and with this set of parties the experiences were amazing.

My block really had to set our Christmas party on my birthday, and initially I didn’t like it. The Christmas party though was a blast. We had it in Icai’s house, which is now on my list of top 10 largest houses I’ve seen. Anyway, from 8 to 12mn we just ate, played pool sang along, rough housed around and generally bonded. Well, that’s what most people did. There was something else behind closed doors. Continuing, it was a great experience because it was the time I really felt that I was finally “part of the block.” It’s hard to explain. See from the start I’ve felt that I was “detached” from my block. I felt there was some kind of wall preventing me from being close with them. I may not be making sense, but again, it’s hard to explain. But with this party we had I had the opportunity to finally shatter that wall down and open up to the block.

My second Christmas party was with ESS. As usual it was really fun because this time we had a kiddie party theme. We had some weird kiddie games and good food that made party a blast. It was different because I was entertaining a stalker…hehe

Third was back with my old high school. Yeah, I finally accepted the fact that I’m a graduate from high school and should move on, but hey, I’m an alumnus. I could sill come back.

These last 2 and a half weeks have been a whirlwind. There was this thing the week before up to my birthday that began the shattering of my old perspective in life in to something new. It was a lesson 10 months in the making, well, not counting the 2 years leading up to that 10 months, but it was worth it. I’m not one to whine about my problems concerning love life, and I won’t. It’s just this one…hah…this one...I’ll just say Fate’s a bitch. But whatever it was, however it felt it was worth it. To gain a new perspective, to have my neo-classical delusions of romantic and idealistic grandeur brutally shattered by the stone hammer of reality and practicality, was worth it. Mind you, it doesn’t mean I lost my romantic and idealistic view of life, it just means it’s now in a new light, like those priceless vases they said are shattered first and put back together before they are considered masterpieces. I had to look stupid in front of a girl, yes, but it was worth it. On second thought, it wasn’t just this time I looked stupid in front of that girl - I've looked stupid in front of her for countless times. Maybe this time will be the last. But now I’ll walk away having learned a life lesson. All things change. She gave me the best present of all, and she doesn’t even know it…

Birthday song: Kung Ayaw Mo Na sa Akin- Sugarfree
It’s a really cool song. Bathetic, and probably fits me (ask sir Serrano). Watch the video- its funny. Hehe.

Tagged

I got tagged by Icai! (Damn you...joke! hehe)

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different descriptions of their perfect lover.
2. He/she needs to mention the sex/gender of their perfect lover.
3. He/she must tag 8 more people to join this game and leave a comment on their comments saying they've been tagged.* (I'm waving this instruction away. If you like just make your own)
4. If tagged a second time, there's no need to post again.

0.) My perfect lover is definitely a SHE

1.) Simple, and pretty- simple beauty and/or pretty simple

2.) Sweet - tipong Malambing and romantic (or mushy and sappy)

3.) Smart, even smarter than me - but not condescending, yung makakaintindi ng mga Simpsons jokes.

4.) Has a healthy sense of humor - para ma gets mga joke ko and para masaya kasama

5.) Values time spent more than money spent - tipong di high-maintenance and would like to spend time with me.

6.) Non-smoker -or else I'll make her quit

7.) Would understand if I don't call, just text or email or chat - I'm not the calling type, I'd like written para napagisipan, or in person para romantic

8.) Would accept my views, better if we have the same ones - whats the use of being an environmentalist kung malakas naman sya mag aksaya?

2006-12-17T03:55:00.000-08:00

Birthday contemplative post delayed because of partying, assignments and schoolwork. Sorry for the inconvenience. Post soon to come! (and perhaps new, easier to read background work)

2006-12-14T04:54:00.000-08:00

Last DAY being 16

Well, there goes my last day being young and sweet(ha, yeah) at 16. Tomorrow I'll be waking to the new tune of adult responsibility. At 15 you still sound like you can get away with the naivete excuses of childish teenager-ism and at 16 you might still be able to pull of the "I'm too old to be a child - too young to be an adult" but at 17 your cemented into maturity. Well, assuming of course that maturity comes with each year. I guess I'll be able to think this over WHEN I'm 17, which is still tom. As for today, enjoy life in innocence before the weight of the world- as they say innocence is bliss...

2006-12-09T01:34:00.000-08:00

Blog Update: Last days of being young at 16

Oh yeah, almost my b-day. Damn I'm getting old! Hehe. Anyway, been a while since I posted so here it goes.

Last week Reming tore through the Philippines and caused alot of damage. As if we Filipino's aren't used to the fact already. But what gets to me are the people's apparent apathy. I'm not saying we Filipino's are apathetic. I'm saying we only care when it happens to us, generally. We see the destruction this typhoon caused in the already battered province of Bicol, but we all know as we watch that we maintain some sort of detachment to it all. Unless we felt it too. If only Manila got a whiff of what the people in the storms direct path experienced instead of being entirely spared without even a drop of rain. Camarines Norte was also in the swath Reming plowed through, and I shudder to think what sort of destruction was caused in that place. Our friends there aren't even replying to our texts, and we could only hope that they're ok.

Yesterday was our ESS Sportsfest and it was so much fun! All the events we played were co-ed, and a mix of different year levels. We played basketball, agawang-buko(oh yeah), touchball, catch-the-dragon's-tail and Takeshi's castle. Basketball was funny cuz it was a mix of experts and totally novice players. We kept laughing while we played touchball. Agawang-buko and catch-the-dragon's-tail were both incredibly physically battering games. Imagine the girls and boys both figthing over an oily coconut! I myself went against guys who are twice my size and have the body of RM (to those who know him) or your buffed up PE instructors. My body still hurts even now. A funny incident was when the girls were called up and when they rushed for the coconut Ricci was with them. Haha. Catch-the-dragon's-tail became a sumo wrestling of enormous proportions. Then Takeshi's Castle devolved into one large water fight that left all of us soaked through. By the end of that we were all dead tired, sweaty, oily and soaking wet. i'm having a hard time cleaning my white rubber shoes that turned black because of that affair. Yeah, that was a fun experience.

Makes me think about it though; why am I so open with my other college friends yet I feel I have to shut up when i'm among my course blockmates? I feel..repressed among them but when I'm with others I can show my fun(if not true) side. Thats why they think I'm such a quiet serious some sort of unfriendly emo dude. Others know what i'm like when happy and social. There is just something with my block that prevents me from totally letting go of my..shyness?

2006-11-27T04:40:00.000-08:00

Bond

I wanted to make a pun about my supposed topic for tonight which is bonding and the fact that I just watched Casino Royale yesterday but meh...I have too much of a headache to make one. I've been keeping busy this past few days, not with school or academic work mind you. Heh, like that's ever going to happen. What I did was something more meaningful (in my twisted perspective), which is to bond with my college friends. Something long overdue in fact. Last Friday, I didn't feel too well but still resolved to watch "Middle Finger Po" by the Tanghalang Ateneo. That was 7pm, and my last class was 3, so I managed to spent the time talking with Anna and Icai in the bazaar. Well, as far as I know neither of them is reading this, but in either case I won't say a word about what we talked about. Well, it was about our dramatic to borderline nonexistent love lives. "Middle Finger" was great by the way, and so i suggest you watch it too, whoever my dear avid reader(if there is even one) is. Then last Saturday spent the day with Mikey and some of my ESS-mates touring Antipolo. Didn't know there was alot of amazing spots right up there. I knew Assumption Antipolo's retreat house was beautiful, but I didn't know it had an Eco-park to boot. That was a surprise, and somewhat mind-blowing. I'll just leave you guys to see it for yourselves, its open to the public. Better that way than me just typing it to you. Try the mint leaves by the way; their really minty(duh) but still tastes like leaf. Hehe. Then we went to Mikey's "second home" owned by a doctor who's name I won't try to write in fear of misspelling it. That was amazing. It was some sort of Mexican style Villa art gallery and other stuff that's equally beautiful. Skipping the empty 1 hectare plot of theirs we went to Ate Carmen's house. Talk about how the other half lived; or house is only half their guesthouse! Wood and glass, much like a resort cabin in the Alps if you imagine yet still Filipino in the inside. There we played MAD(reverse monopoly) and other games until we went into the pool. Mikey and Ricci had to leave early so I was the only freshman left in the group of junior and senior ES and physics majors. Had a terribly pang of body pain because of excessive laughing in the pool afterwards. Headache and body pains didn't stop me from spending our somewhat becoming ritualistic time in McDo with Arwin and Julius discussing about business opportunities. They're both really in to early business ventures, and I guess I am too, but taking that first major step will be the challenge. Until we do, I'll say that our planning will just have been wishful thinking. Yeah, that was my past few days, of suffering from colds,headache and body pains. That's why I've been sort of just rambling in this post of mine, cuz my head still hurts. But it was all worth it, as I got to spend time with my new friends. Still, I'd take a heartache over a headache or stomachache any day...

2006-11-23T04:37:00.000-08:00

The Story of the Candy Cane...

"A story is told is told that there was once a candy maker...It was a time when Christians were not allowed by the government to meet together..He decided to make..a candy in the shape of a shepherd's staff as a reminder that the Lord is our Shepherd. He made the candy white to show that God is holy. He put a red stripe to symbolize the blood of Christ..."

That there is what we were told yesterday in Mcdo Katipunan. Who would think of all the places to be talking about God, it would be there. Well, here is the deal. For a few times Arwin and I have been going to there after MWF classes. We talk about stuff and such, and one day we got to talk about the block; issues of it and possible lack thereof. We raised questions like why does our block isn't as bonded, well, like other blocks and why we haven't gone out as a whole block to watch a movie or what not. Well, it was then that we decided to do something about it. Baby steps I suppose, and we got Julius to tag along. It was then that these two guys came up and started 'preaching'. It turned out to be a meaningful yet bizarre experience to be evangelized in a fast food joint. But what we thought was it would have been nice if everyone was there, instead of just as three. It was fitting I suppose, to get a candy cane this Christmas season, shaped like a J for Jesus. Put one more beside it and you (should) get JJ

2006-11-18T22:19:00.000-08:00

Ha! Pacquiao won! Why the hell am I writing about it?

What a disappointing fight - cmon, 3 rounds! All that hype for a third round knockout. You know whats truly unbelievable, I'm writing about it. Why? I just find everything so ridiculous. They kept talking about it for the last few months with super media hype and then its over in less time that I type this post! I say those folks who bought tickets in Las Vegas to watch it didn't get their money's worth. Poor Morales though. With all that frenzied preparation I bet he's EGO got bruised more than his body. I mean, imagine yourself, not only is your nemesis gloating over you, he's whole country is gloating over you, you just shamed yourself in live television after that prideful boasting and you just let down your countrymen! I actually pity him. Poor wounded pride. It must suck to be him right now.

2006-11-18T05:12:00.000-08:00

My Grandma has just passed away...

My mom's mom passed away yesterday after some time at the hospital. When I received my mom's text saying what happened, I didn't know how to react. I guess I hated to admit that, well... I saw it coming. My father said it when we knew she had been taken to the hospital; "we must accept the inevitable, that she is already old," she said to my mom. And I guess I knew it too. Still, to think of that she is gone...it feels..surreal. I remember the other people I knew who have died. My high school batch mate Jerica, who died of dengue early in our junior year. My friend and bus driver Kuya Jess, who died before he got to see the one thing he always teased me about. Suddenly they were gone. It's hard to think about it, seeing them one day and knowing you' never see them again, to never hear their voice,to never get into those conversations you always took for granted when they were still alive. And with all of them there is one thing I regret; that I wasn't able to attend their wakes or funerals. I was in the hospital suffering from dengue of my own when they announced in our school that Jerica died. I wasn't released till after she was taken to Davao. After not seeing him for a long time, I only heard of Kuya Jess when it was announced during a mass, as if it was a mere footnote. And with my Grandma, she was taken to Zambales, and I cannot go because of school.

I pray for them, that perpetual light may shine upon them, and that they may rest in peace...

2006-11-14T05:00:00.000-08:00

These are the times I'd like to bitch slap people who don't listen to environmentalists...

The heat is driving me insane! It's November for Pete's sake! We're supposed to feel chilly already and not in some kind of Christmas barbecue. If its this hot already I shudder to think at what it will feel like this coming summer. And I am taking summer classes. One can't know how to dress for the occasion - in the early morning you'll be shivering for a jacket and two hours later you'll be screaming to take it all off. And they blame El Nino...blame yourselves why don't you. Do you do your part to lessen global warming? Do you? Do you now? C'mon, don't you just feel that heat? We can already see the effects of it as environmentalists have warned us about for years and still we don't listen. When the ea levels start to rise, or when you find yourself cursing that summer heat during the Christmas eve, us saying "we told you so" won't just cut it.

2006-11-08T04:50:00.000-08:00

Out of Place in 16 Different ways...

Ever been a Third Wheel? Sucks to be one doesn't it? Supreme feeling of awkwardness and loneliness. Then try being a Fifth wheel for a whole day. Now that really sucks.

This morning was Registration time. Got in a Physics class, no less because of peer pressure, and got into a Table Tennis class, gladly not because of peer pressure. I'm hoping this sem turns out the same if not better as with the last one, both academically and socially.

The rest of the day I spent back in my highschool with Rj. I went along, as usual, and since I have nothing better to do anyway. The HS was dismissed early because a large group of students are practicing for their bigtime presentation this Friday. The reason why Rj went is because he is visiting his sweetheart and I'm smack dab in the middle as a third wheel. It's all good, I have been in that kind of position before. Doesn't make it any less awkward though. By luck we saw Gelo there, and the reason he was there is because he also has a highschool sweetheart still in highschool. Great,I was stuck between two couples as a squeaky Fifth Wheel.

Oh the awkwardness...squared. In that place I assure you that you will not be able to hide that shy,awkward,lonely look of a single person between couples from your face. Trust me, I know.

Still that feeling of being out of place isn't confined to being the extra wheel. I was back in my highschool, and though it wasn't that long since I was part of it, I'm not really part of it now. Even though they are the same friends I had last year, it feels quite different to relate to them as a college student. I'm not part of that circle anymore...

Tomorrow I'm coming back. That means feeling out of place again. But it isn't all bad. I miss being a highschool student, and getting to reminisce old memories is fun. Its good to have a different perspective sometimes, and to me now it's an outsider looking in. But again, as I said, it doesn't make being a Fifth wheel any less awkward.

2006-10-29T04:51:00.000-08:00

I fell in love with Camarines Norte…

I just came back from my four day adventure in Camarines Norte. It was a one day travel (15 hour roundtrip), two day Environmental Trainer’s Training Seminar and one day teaching thing which I signed up for since last month. It was a totally amazing experience, one that I will never forget.

Putting aside our commute to and from the place as a minor detail, I shall just focus on what happened on the 3 days we spent there. We were in the almost seaside Institute of Fisheries and Marine Sciences, Mercedes, Brgy. San Roque, a short distance from Daet, Camarines Norte. Our group from Ateneo composed of me, Mikey, Ate Jaya and Kuya Lemarc and Kuya Jodwin. We were to join the people from ISO, and 25 other students from in and around Mercedes. We stayed in the T.H.E House, a small square bungalow with a sala//kitchen/dining room, 2 rooms, and 1 CR, which you could imagine turned to something like a scene from Pinoy Big Brother. Us Manileniyos (with some exceptions) stayed in the two rooms, while the others either went home after our sessions or slept in the living room. There was a TV there, a luxury that could have been done away with but welcome nonetheless, which allowed us to watch the news and other shows ABS-CBN could offer (one and only channel). Whenever it was break time or the end of our sessions we would come back to our little home away from home, 35 something people eating, watching, sleeping under one roof, sharing one CR (it wasn’t as bad as you think. Iconvenient maybe, but not bad).

Our first day was more of icebreaking and getting-to-know you stuff, activities designed for group bonding so that we would be more comfortable with each other. There were group dynamics (GDs), like making a map and a poem and several presentations. These activities were given by Sir Boy. Kuya Manong Sir (as we affectionately called him) was an experienced community educator. He made us do the group works and taught us a lot of action songs, which considering his more than younger self made him look like a big child. Like all great lecturers this did not diminish his credibility at all; in fact it made me look up to him even more. Here was a man who loved what he does so much it wasn’t like a job to him anymore.

By the second day all of us were pretty much friends with each other and were more open. That day was mostly for lectures about Pop Ed and how to teach effectively, though there were still a fair amount of singing, dancing and other GD activities. That evening we were grouped and made ready for our teaching stint amongst the locals the next morning.

On then third day we were supposed to go to the different barangays in our groups (one Atenean per group), but heavy rains that morning made us cancel the whole thing. What we did was just role-play; practice what we learned amongst each other. We were to critic the other groups on how they were supposed to present their modules which they prepared the other night. We were finished before lunch, so what we did was go to a beach. We crossed the Bicol River via banca and took a 20 min trike ride through the country to get to Cayucyucan. There we played on the beach with our new Camarinen friends until it was time for us to pack up and say goodbye as we went back home to Manila that night.

In a nutshell that was the events of my adventure in Camarines Norte. But there was more to it than that. I loved every part of my experience there. The environment, the lifestyle, the simplicity, the friendships. I loved everything to the point that I didn't want to go home anymore.

The environment..ahh the environment. It felt so good to breathe clean (cleaner than the big city at least)fresh air, blown in from the sea by a constant cold breeze. This same breeze blows in rain clouds straight from the sea, bringing sporadic bursts of heavy rain. This rain is different. It is far cleaner,different as you can imagine from the kind of rain you experience in the city, as it did not pass through multiple layers of pollution and whatever filth floats in the air above metropolitan areas. The area all around is green from all the plants, trees and shrubs of diferent kinds. Cocunuts crown most hills, and you can see their tall trunks sway in every skyline. The beach we went to in Cayucyucan was beautiful. You could see the view of a mountain range and a nearby island surrounding it. The beach sand itself was coral, and a few feet away were already rock formations, hidden by calm water. To live in this kind of environment, surrounded by mountains and trees, to breathe fresh air, has always been my dream. Its like my ideal place to live in and I was there. It is even better than Zamba;es, our province. Zambales to me is a rural urban-wannabe, a provincial paradise lost to industry and commercialization and possibly unavoidable environmental actions(read: Pinatubo eruption). All I can remember when I think about Zambales are greys and browns, while when I think about Camarines I remember the blues and greens. At night I would just sit outside and listen to the song of a thousand frogs.
The lifestyle change. The feeling I had to break away from my routine of TV-PS2-Computer here and to experience new things over there was..unexplainable. To me then it was unthinkable of how I lived my whole day slaved to 3 pieces of electronics. There we woke up, ate, did our session, went back home. Even though there was a tv there I scarely cared. I even broke my sacred scriptures of sleep, being during the whole week I had only 5 hours of sleep or even less. During those nights I would stay outside with Kuya Jodwin and possibly others, bugging him on how to play a guitar and singing along with whatever song we fancied to sing that night. We would do this until 10 or 11, then which we would head in and I would go to Ate Jaya nad Mikey's room and chat there with Kuya Lemarc until past midnight. On our last night we didn't even go back to our room anymore. Our group just chatted until the wee hours of the morning when Kuya Lemarc and I just fell asleep right there.
Part of that also is for me not to feel like an only child for a change. There I lived with 30 other people in the same house. I got to meet lots of new friends. I got to have meaningful conversations, chances to sing with people without feeling embarrased, exchanged stories with those who lived a much more different life than me during the times I would be either wasting my life infront of the tv or playing my brains out on a computer or playstation. I had the oppurtunity to bond with my ESS-mates, share things, like the one I never got being without brothers or sisters. I even did something there I never thought I'd do.
To those friends I made in Camarines I will never forget. I got to see the lives of different people, living in a way I wish I did. I felt immediately bonded to them in those 3 days, a stronger than the one I have with my course blockmates who I have been together with for more than 3 months.
I miss Camarines Norte. I miss the friends I made there. I miss the atmosphere of the place. I wished I didn't have to go back home. I felt sad to wave goodbye to my new friends, knowing that maybe that was the last time I'll see them. I felt sad as we left the bus station, knowing that soon the coconuts will be replaced by condos and the cold sea air will be replaced by car exhaust. I felt even sadder when I opened the door to my house and saw the tv, my computer and my playstaion, seeing that I'm back to the lifestyle of an only child. I really wish I didn't have to go back home...

2006-10-19T04:50:00.000-07:00

First Sem is officially...OVER

My first sem of college is now...over. *sigh* I still can't get over the whole how time flies so fast deal. I've been staring at the screen for over half an hour and these are the only things I could say. The sem is over, and time flies so fast. That's been my mantra lately- of how fast time is. And look, next week is my Camarines Trip. I rather go to Guimaras, but I can't back out on a commitment. Well, I guess since that is the only thing I could say for this time, I'll just update my blog when I return (Unless something happens to me that seems interesting). Oh yeah, Earlier today I rode with the most amazing jeepney driver I've seen, if only it wasn't so scary. I can talk more about it, but I'm not in the mood. Something is bothering me..Could be just the October Cold..

2006-10-16T04:45:00.000-07:00

Where there is hope, there is doubt- Finals Update

Lit Finals....headache..Let's put it this way, it was worse than watching C-SPAN for a day. My brain was sapped in trying to fill a white booklet with essayic answers to mr. Pulan's questions. And this was before Math, and with my brain already drained of much of it's mojo, math would have been a problem. There was a glimmer of hope, I passed my last last long test! A rare occurance I'll concede yet it lowered my needed passing grade and increased what little hope I have of getting at least a D. I was even pissed because I can't concentrate, and that was because I needed to pee so badly! Take note my readers, GO TO THE BATHROOM BEFORE TAKING A TEST, ESPECIALLY MIDTERMS OR FINAL. All I can do now is hope. But when there is hope there is doubt,(oh yeah, Ive been trying to make a quote of mine to explain what I've been feeling the entire day and this is what i've come up with), and now only time will tell now if I'll take math 11 again. next sem...

2006-10-15T03:48:00.000-07:00

Shout F for Math Finals!!

Yeah, its judgement day for me tomorrow. If my calculations are correct (in this case I hope they are incredibly incorrect!), I'd need to get 75% in my Math finals to get the slightest hope of passing! Kenot and Sunny were lucky enough to be confident of getting a passing grade in the last long test. I, unfortunately, am not. So there's only a glimmer of hope for me to get a D in my math..But of course i'm not one to lose hope. I must do my best to get a passing grade, cuz It'd be hell to take the same math course again, do summer and get a galring F in my transcript. Hayyyy.....If miracles happen, tomorrow would be a very good time for one...

2006-10-09T06:09:00.000-07:00

Last Leg of the First Sem

2 more weeks of the first sem...........Hayyyyyy.....Time flies so fast. I haven't even "grasped" my few starting months of Atenean highschool life. Only one last round of requirements and then finals week, and then sem break already. Oh yeah, home free! not quite. I still have to get through this last week. I can't even concentrate on making a decent blogpost.Anyway, I have to concentrate on school work first. Till the end of Finals week...

2006-10-04T18:48:00.000-07:00

My multiply account

Ya, I have a multiply account setup already. To not lose the primary function of this my humble blogspot site, which I won't be abandoning thank you very much, I'll just link it here. My multiply will just host my pics, and my blogspot will host my blog. There, my problem is solved. The link is over there at the sidebar.

2006-10-03T04:29:00.000-07:00

Flash flooded

Yesterday I already finished typing a long post about Ateneo losing the game and such, and I was already going to press the “Publish Post” button when suddenly a voltage drop occurred and sent all that work into a waste of a 1-second power outage.

I was fine with that. I’ve taken the universe’s little practical jokes many times already to be used to it. But what happened last night was something different altogether.

It was a hard rain that lasted only an hour or two, just a little bit of Milenyo left over. What perhaps most people don’t know is that us folk people in Rizal were flash flooded after that.

We were just about to sit down to dinner when my dad said that it was already flooded outside. I was bewildered; of course who wouldn’t, the rain already stopped. I checked outside and saw a raging flow of flood water, right outside our gate. Nothing new mind you, but as I was watching it I saw that the water level was rising. First, slowly inching up our lawn, then up our driveway, and slowly creeping up to our house. That’s when we started to evacuate our stuff to higher ground. My computer, our furniture, DVD’s, books everything we could move we did as we raced with the rising water. Inevitably, the water entered our house and covered everything in fine muck. We had experience with this kind of thing before, but with my parent’s taking precaution by raising our house it was unexpected. Soon enough the waster was gushing through our house’s doors, but by then our furniture moving was finished. Eating dinner with my legs submerged in floodwater hasn’t been any of the things I wanted to try, but it was a new experience nonetheless.

We went up to our terrace to watch the still rising flood but we witnessed something more terrifying. A loud crash and sound of rushing water signaled the collapse of the walls that protected our street from the creek behind our houses. You see, a creek runs through our village, and with luck it so happens to run right behind the houses of street. This wall has been built, rebuilt and repaired through the years of seasonal rain and flood that turn this small creek to a raging river, but with the recent passing of Milenyo it weakened the dike with falling trees and battering force of wind and water. At least three sections of the wall collapsed, two behind the houses beside ours. We watched as our neighbor’s furniture was washed away. We started to worry about our house too, but thank God we didn’t suffer the same fate.

After a few hours the water started to recede. During that time I just took pictures and videos. Before midnight the water has already gone down to knee level, if your standing on the street that is, or enough to leave our house.

I spent my first sleepless college night throwing out bucketfuls of flood water out of our house, shoveling, scraping and moping mud off our floor, hosing down furniture, and generally cleaning up our house while still videotaping and taking pictures of it all.

This morning you could see the damage that that flashflood did. We are ankle-deep in the slipperiest softest mud, and you can see the neighbors salvaging what they can after the whitewater – or should I say brown water washed away all their stuff.

I didn’t go to my only class today, because I’m still mud in, and there are still more things to be cleaned. I did become the unofficial documenter of the devastation our street experienced. I got like 50+ pics and 5 minutes of video. I can’t post all those pics here in my humble corner of the blogosphere, so that’s why I made up my mind about getting my own multiply account. Yeah, I think that’s a very good idea.

2006-09-29T04:39:00.000-07:00

Yey! I have a digicam na!

We all well know what happened with the storm yesterday, but with the 24-hour blackout and all, there was still something good that happened to me, which is that I got a my digicam! That got me to just taking pics to pass my boredom, which are these, during the storm,
and after

Now that I'll be taking alot of pics, that passes the question of should I get my own multiply? I have this thing of not going with the trend, and seeing alot of people got it, well, you get the idea. But it may become convenient. anyway, that will just be something I have to thing over. Its so hard to post pics in blogger, so maybe I should get one.

Oh yeah, that "Philosophy of Sleep" article is a work in progress, one in a series I'll be publishing about my philosophies in life.

2006-09-25T03:47:00.000-07:00

Multiply raiding. Bwahahaha!!!

Nah, i'm not really raiding anyone's multiply. First, I get goosebumps when I think about infringing anyone's copyrighted pictures(I know that's ridiculous, but nonetheless). Second, its a hassle to copy paste all those pictures, however I like them. So until I can get a digicam of my own (hopefully soon) I'll be missing on alot of photographable college moments, like that of Tin's debut. Speaking of Tin's debut, better if you look at the multiply's of the people who took the pics, like junno's and icai's who I will be linking over there at the side, because I'll just grab some choice pics from them, not all.

And last of all, I just said that I'm raiding multiply's so that I can see the reactions of the people out there who have them. Not that they'll know I'm just joking, its not like anybody comes here and reads what I post,meaning to whom I'm writing this now can only be cybernetic thin air, or if even if say you a person is reading this, it was written not for you but only to satisfy the raving's of a madman who has found a better alternative than talking to himself, which is to just keep writing in his blog with knowledge that nobody is reading it so therefore assumes that he is in a way talking to himself, which is me. So therefore this elaborate explanation is only to entertain me, thinking that somebody will be reading this but knowing that nobody will, and so therefore have succeded in accomplishing...what? To kill alot of time and get the satisfaction of expressing his notions of absurdity to a void that is the blog which neither listens or reads, and could therefore just be an abyss where one tosses one's thoughts to be lost forever.

2006-09-20T07:13:00.000-07:00

The Philosophy of Sleep

It is one of the most natural things to do, but for a hard-working student or an employee it can be a luxury one can’t afford.To me sleep isn't just a thing you do at night. Its an important aspect of my lifestyle. I live by it. Its a healthy drug that makes me forget about my worries and makes me feel better and able to take on that problem when I wake up. Like that graffiti scrawled on the chair that I see every single day I have come to study it, and after a profound secession of soul-searching have actually come up with several classifications of sleep that I experience.

The first is Sleep Sleep which is the simplest kind. I fall asleep, I wake up. No dreams, no thoughts, just a deep slumber to wash away my fatigue and recharge me for the next day. Uneventful, but in the deeper levels its so effective that when I wake up I realize I forgot everything about yesterday and today until it comes back to you 5 minutes later. Once I woke up feeling so good without a care in the world when suddenly I remembered I had my math midterms later.
The second is the Fantastic Sleep, my most preferred kind. It is the kind of sleep in which my mind jumps off into amazing and even ludicrous scenarios ranging from my most romantic fantasies to my most horrible nightmares. It can be one long story or a series of different episodes, but the most amazing about it is that even if my mind is busy living its fantasy nightlife I still get a goodnights’ sleep. A deeper, more rested sleep in fact than the ordinary kind. I get to go off on a Narnianic adventure when I'm snoozing off, and when I wake up I feel as if I had slept for two nights instead of one. Fantastic, aint it?
Next is the Tossing-Turning Sleep, the sleep of a troubled man. I have a 5 page essay due for Friday, an upcoming report, and two long-quizzes to study for. I lay on my bed running over math formulas while already drafting my essay in my mind. I keep thinking about your schoolwork so much that it seems I do not fall asleep at all, until I realize that I have been falling asleep after all, it’s just my mind is still on overdrive that all you I think about is work. You wake up feeling as you didn’t wake up at all, just getting up from your bed. It’s hard to get out of it when it has become a pattern, but the sooner, the better. If you happen to find yourself in this situation, the best technique to remove it is stop thinking. Stop thinking of your works, your assignments, everything. Hard to do, I know, but for starters think about your breathing, or the darkness. Think about falling asleep, then stop thinking at all. Mastery of this technique is vital to regain a normal sleep pattern. I don't know if it will work for you, but it works for me.
The last kind is the Julius sleep, in which a mind-numbing lecture, a boring road trip or just being bored can cause my brain to just shut down. In my opinion it’s a step away from being brain dead as I feel everything just slipping away - eyelids drooping, handwriting turns into squiggles, losing muscle control and drool starts to drip. To me it has turned into a technique, an artform where you can "turn your brain off". Named after my blockmate(which so expertly exhibits this technique), this serves the simple function of killing time from a very long trip or a boring time of the day. It feels like a kind of unholy sleepiness gripping my body that no amount of caffeine can seem to remove. I think it’s my bodies natural defensive mechanism to protect it from harm, say like from math class.
Sleep is important, holding a pinnacle postion to my lifestyle philosophy, as important as eating and so as an absolute rule not to be sacrificied for studying and other less important activities. To me it has evolved into an philosophy, a discipline, with its own set of rules and techniques. To get 8 hours is the best, 7 hours forgivable, 6 hours and less is pushing it. Why lose sleep by studying when the next day your brain won't be working well enough to remember what you studied? why lose sleep trying to finish a paper when you cannot even chain the most rudimentary of words to form a sentence?
Getting enough sleep is the easiest thing you could do to keep healthy. Why not do it? Make it your lifestyle rule too.

2006-09-15T06:36:00.000-07:00

Everyday is an adventure

Everyday is an adventure to me. Its just I'm either to tired,lazy,busy or sabaw to write them all down. Yesterday was one such. I accompanied Burger to Gateway, and along the way there were some interesting things that happened. The most interesting to me was of course the conversations. We talked about many, things that would burden me to try to recall and write down, though through that at least I became a little closer with her. On the way the LRT train stopped mid journey. Nothing to worry about(good God), just technical difficulty I suppose and it was a first for me. In the end though we just went around Gateway to find a gift for her friend. I know either she ,(Hi Burger!) or some other will be reading this thats why it seems my storytelling is rather blunt and/or underopinionated. She'll understand.

i'm getting alot of things for free lately. I got a mostly-free shuttling back and forth from Ateneo and Gateway courtesy of Burger. I know I should be the one treating her but she insisted. Who am I to argue?
Last wednesday I got a free slice of cake in Red Ribbon Katipunan. I bought a slice of cake, and after a pretty long while they gave to me one that doesn't quite look like the one I ordered. certainly not like the one I ordered. Its because it wasn't what I ordered. They gave me a much more expensive slice of a different cake and I was eating it already before the my true order arrived. Thats why it my cake tasted more chocolatier than what a strawberry mousse sholud taste like.
Today I got a free lunch thanks to Julius. I should really pay him back, or at the least really consider his business proposal. He is really serious with it, and I think I owe it to him already to try my best.
I volunteered for a seminar workshop thing in Camarines Norte this upcoming October. Its good that my parents allowed me to go. We will be taught how to teach people about to protect the coral reefs. Its a 3-day stay and, the best part i like, its free. i'm already quite excited. I'l place it down there on my "Things to look forward to" list.

2006-09-07T06:03:00.000-07:00

Indecisiveness...

I used to pride myself on my spontaneity. In highschool I just do things suddenly whenever I wanted to without a second thought. One time I bought bacon just because I saw someone buying when I passed the meat store, and another time bought a large watermelon while we were doing our Visita Eglesia. I did things just for the heck of it. Now I wonder why did I become so indecisive lately. Why has hesitation replaced my impulsive nature?

I realized this as I watch countless jeeps pass by day by day, wondering why did I not get on that one, or the one before it, or the one that came after it. I let them
pass by without even considering of pulling them over, even if I know that its hard to get a jeep to Cubao.

Today was the same day. I boarded perhaps the 6th jeep for Cubao I saw, and I felt lucky to be a little early to be on my way to school. A woman went down in front of Vista Verde, and as the jeep sped away two men noticed that she dropped her coin purse which she dropped on the floor beside me. I was the one who picked it up, and one man said that I should go down and give it to her. I thought about it, watching the woman walk hurriedly off as we sped farther away.

A good person should, any half-decent person would, and an impulsive guy wouldn’t even think about it. But even I was surprised when the words "Eh malayo na ho sya eh" came out of my mouth instead of "Para". The man asked me to look how much was inside, and to my astonishment there was more than a hundred inside, Php143.24 to be exact. He said, “ihabol mo,baka wala syang pamasahe”. We already sped a good distance away, and it was only then that it kicked in my brain that I should indeed give it back. I immediately went down and ran, looking for the woman who dropped the money I was holding. I reached the gate and continued towards the tricycle station.

I saw a woman there, but I thought that she wasn’t the one. I thought for half a second if it was her but before I made up my mind she already boarded a trike and went off. I continued to look, asking the guard and even a vendor if they saw a woman.(Of course they all saw a woman, we were all at the front of a busy village).

And then I gave up. I can’t spend the whole morning looking for a woman I didn’t even see clearly to recognize. I didn’t even know what she was wearing. And now, because of my indecisiveness I earned 143 pesos in guilt-money, what could be perhaps that woman’s marketing budget, fare, money to buy medicine. The money is still with me, because I’m afraid to touch it. Why did I hesitate? I should have chased after the woman instead of resigning and saying that she already is too far away. I could still have caught up with her. She could even be the woman I saw in the station, if only I asked instead of stand there and watch her board the trike. And now I have 143 pesos and twenty five cents of money that isn’t mine, which I don’t know what I will do with, all because of a moment of hesitation.